Who chooses new curtains etc?

Sillygrandma I do understand. My daughter was exactly like you. Among other things everything in her marital home had to be white. I'm sure it's great to be yourself again and not be controlled.
I'm not affected to that extent but still I do feel an element of control. And when I stand my ground he makes me feel guilty about it. I'm not sure about after retirement but I do know at work he had admin staff to do all the donkey work, and he made all the decisions and I think still acts that way..
I love him though so I have got to fix this because I'm not happy with it. I do feel controlled and bullied and I do actually panic sometimes when making decisions.
This thread has been very helpful to me and I feel positive now about being more assertive.

Bradfordlass I wonder why they went out of fashion. I used to love hanging my freshly washed net curtains.

Without really realising it I decide on absolutely everything from curtains to holidays. DH and I merrily discuss all options and I would never choose anything he adamantly disliked, but he tends to nod and agree and pretend to have an active input and I pretend that I value his opinion. Don’t I sound awful!

Not at all, Esther1.

It sounds like your DH is perfectly happy with that, so it works for both of you.

Over the years, OH and I have even had frequent battles over the tiniest changes to the position of furniture and ornaments.

After I have cleaned, he goes around making sure that things are in exactly the same position, and I do mean exactly.
This means that if I decide to move the ornaments around for a change, they are likely to be back in their original position in no time at all!
If I draw the curtains, he watches me, and I can see his frustration growing if I haven't done it to his satisfaction!

When our sons were still living at home, I must admit that we sometimes turned this into a game - when he was out of the room, we would move our little armchair a couple of inches, or turn an ornament to a slightly different angle, then sit back and see how quickly he noticed and corrected it. It was usually within minutes of re-entering the room.
Mean, but fun!

Estger no you don't! ?

Mamacaz your husband sounds like Monica in Friends. I think it's great that you accept it as just how he is.

Esther!

I used to enjoy swapping pictures and ornaments around to see how long before the family noticed. They got their own back on me once - big time!

Are you going to tell threexnanny or am I missing something?

You've said what I was wondering, annep1.

Spill the beans, threexnanny, please

We agree I make whatever choices I like . Grampy has no vision so can rarely see things in his minds eye and if it makes me happy - he’s happy ?

Things like new sofas we decide together, ditto carpets and floor coverings, curtains and artwork, beds and headboards.
I leave things like computer/ keyboard and tv and anything similar to him ( as am not fussed about it, and he is enthusiastic about it ?) ditto cars ( I only care about getting from A to B.)
I buy things like towels, sheets, cushions and lamps, lampshades, ornaments and plants, candles etc.
We do decide wallpaper and paint together, and recently spent ages dithering about a bedroom colour before finally agreeing to a certain colour.
Anything in the garden we decide together on.