Gransnet forums


New Year's Eve Melancholy

(145 Posts)
Lyndiloo Sun 29-Dec-19 03:42:16

Does anyone share my dread of New Year's Eve?

For everyone else it seems a joyful, positive time - looking forward to the year ahead and what happiness/success it might bring.

But for me, it's always a time of looking back, and feeling sad. Thinking of all those whom I've loved and have gone.

I put on a good show, of course - I wouldn't want to spoil all the excitement for everybody else. But inside, I'm crying.

whywhywhy Sun 29-Dec-19 04:27:34

I know exactly what you mean.

So many people that I knew have died this year. First my aunt in january, then my ex brother in law killed himself in Feb. Then a friend died in May from a brain tumour. A cousin in August died of bone cancer, then a friend at the beginning of November. My beautiful 20.5 year old cat died on 5th November then two neighbours within days of each other in mid November and now my MIL hasnt got long left. Bloody hell what a year and I am crying outside as well and inside.

We are off to Whitby tomorrow until 3rd January and I have to put on my happy face. I could cheerfully cancel the whole thing but hubby is looking forward to it. So it is put on that happy face and scream inside.
I battle with depression on a daily basis so it is harder still at this time of year. Also my eczema has gone over board with all the stress and now I have pins and needles in my left arm which the dr thinks is a trapped nerve in my neck. So I have to go along some time in the New Year and have a scan on the neck.

All I can say is - Happy New Year 2020 to everyone!

BradfordLass72 Sun 29-Dec-19 05:57:26

I have lost several friends this year 3 of them extremely close but I honestly look back and thank god I had them in my life for so long.

I was incredibly sad when they died but we all do, don't we?
One day, it'll be me. So I am aware that I must appreciate every single day and person I have left and not waste it.

Rejoice for what you've had and still have, rather than mourn what you've lost.

MawB Sun 29-Dec-19 06:16:11

I remember my Dad saying “What is there to look forward to in a new year?”
He had lost Mum, and my sister and I lived 300 miles away, in my case and on the other side of the Atlantic in hers. He had a point.
Whatever our circumstances, for many of us New Year comes at a low point in the year- it’s winter, few of us will have made it this far without losing loved ones and in the early hours of the morning can too often feel we’re next. sad
But I will try to look back with gratitude and not just regret for the missed opportunities, and to make my resolution not to miss even more.
I will not be greeting tge New Year with bells and whistles though, just glad I am still here with a next generation to live for. It’s only a day after all and if I can sleep my way through midnight, so much the better!
So to all on GN , when 2020 comes, I wish you health and peace of mind 🥂

Willow500 Sun 29-Dec-19 06:51:24

I feel sad remembering times gone by especially as a child growing up in the north east where NY was a big thing to my parents and their families but once we'd moved away it was never the same. Mum always kept the traditions of not cutting her cake until NYE and sending my dad out to first foot with a piece of coal - they would listen to Jimmy Shand and his band playing Scottish reels and have a dance grin but in recent years I've preferred to ignore it and we've usually been in bed long before midnight.

This year we have my family and two small grandsons here so will put on a little party for them but inside I'll be dreading the coming weeks when we have to say goodbye to them again not knowing when or if we'll see them again. Someone pointed out that on 1st Jan it will be 50 years since 1970 which only seems a few years ago!! shock

vinasol Sun 29-Dec-19 07:00:12

We'll treat it like any other evening and be in bed. A friend has asked us over but we're not interested.

I hope 2020 is kind to everyone here.

Chestnut Sun 29-Dec-19 07:10:06

Me too vinasol. Just the start of another month. I usually back up all my e-mails and computer work on 1st Jan but I certainly don't spend time thinking about what's happened in the old year. It's done and dusted so just move forward. It's rather nice to think of a fresh new year starting, a spring and summer to look forward to. Heaven knows we need to think of that in this gloomy weather.

absent Sun 29-Dec-19 07:17:02

I have always loathed New Year's Eve and the jollifications that seem to go with it. I go to bed – and fall asleep – before midnight and am back to normal in the morning.

tanith Sun 29-Dec-19 07:38:49

I’ll probably be in bed by 11, the bad events have outweighed the good this year and my very good friend has just told me she has weeks to live. So I won’t be celebrating.

Curlywhirly Sun 29-Dec-19 08:04:04

Like Chestnut, I don't mull over what has happened in the old year, I just look forward to a fresh new year starting and the opportunity to make resolutions (like resolving to start keeping a diary/daily journal, but never get around to it!). I just try to be positive and hope that it will be a good year for me, my family and friends. Here's hoping it's a good year for all on GN too!

JenniferEccles Sun 29-Dec-19 08:39:33

I don’t actually dislike it as much as wondering what is so significant about the calendar slipping from one year to the next, that people want to stay up and celebrate when midnight comes!

Yes I obviously realise it’s a new year, new beginnings etc , but it’s the over the top cheering, celebrating, fireworks etc which baffle me.

EllanVannin Sun 29-Dec-19 08:49:39

I've hated New Years Eve for long enough now and have never bothered celebrating----just get it over and done with has been in my thoughts. I don't really know why.

I'm usually in bed at 11pm anyway, then wakened by the fireworks. The only thing I used to listen out for were the ships hooters on the river.

sodapop Sun 29-Dec-19 08:49:49

I feel like curlywhirly and don't fret too much over things past. I sympathise with all those people who have suffered illness and bereavement in the last year and hope 2020 will be a better year for them.
I'm looking forward to time with friends and family next year, nothing too exciting but I like my quiet life with my pets.

Anniebach Sun 29-Dec-19 08:58:26

I use to like New Years Eve, but now I fear it, not because I look back but the last 12 years have been so difficult I fear what the new year will bring.

Shropshirelass Sun 29-Dec-19 08:58:42

I seem to have spent the last few years looking after everyone else, not moaning about it but I seem to have lost 'my' life. 2019 was a very difficult year with family loss etc, but I have already decided that 2020 is going to be the year when I find me again, and I must make sure that I do. If anyone doesn't like it then 'tough'!

lemongrove Sun 29-Dec-19 09:12:06

I don’t dread it but can’t say I find it anything special these days either.We usually go to friends who host a dinner and drinks party, but due to DH’s illness recently, will spend it at home and no doubt be in bed long before midnight.
We have both felt a guilty sigh of relief about not having to do it this year.....sign of getting old! I will have a glass or two of something during the evening though to toast old friends both still here, and not.

annsixty Sun 29-Dec-19 09:12:33

Another one here who has never enjoyed NYE, really from being a teenager.
I went out for many years and joined in but as the OP said with a sense of melancholy.
My H died this year and that was not expected last NYE so what will happen this year?
At 82 I can't expect many new beginnings can I?

Oopsminty Sun 29-Dec-19 09:29:25

No time for NYE.

Always been a Christmas person

We shall be up but only because our small dog hates fireworks

downtoearth Sun 29-Dec-19 09:31:02

I am with Annie here fearing the coming year, I remember saying after a run of several bad years " things cant possibly get any worse" one new years eve,but they could and did.
So head under blanket and cautiously creep into 2020 and heave a sigh if relief if we have made it through january,my daughters anniversary is jan 3rd.

BlueSky Sun 29-Dec-19 09:42:13

Great words BradfordLass as we get older we have less and less to celebrate as loss has started to affect us badly. Also our own health and our partner's is giving us a lot more to think about. Still I love your words of hope appreciate every single day and don't waste it!

Nortsat46 Sun 29-Dec-19 09:46:00

My father died on 30th December (many years ago) and that stopped me wanting to celebrate NYE for a long time.
We do make the effort now and go out for dinner. Some years we have stayed in an hotel and others have been in London restaurants.

We usually have a pleasant evening with a nice dinner and a glass of champagne at midnight ... but it’s not a huge event for us.

2019 has been a challenging year for me, so I am looking forward to raising a glass to 2020.

Dublin29 Sun 29-Dec-19 10:24:25

@Lyndiloo & @whywhywhy & am sure others, I am with you all the way on this. I fail to understand why adults make such a fuss about Christmas & New Year, though Christmas is a bit different where young kids are concerned. But New Year & all the “partying” etc., around it is almost purely adult orientated. All I can think is that many fall for the media hype surrounding it, but they don’t stop & think everyone doesn’t appreciate it. A little like religion, I personally am an atheist (grew up Catholic) but don’t bring that up to others, unless asked.

If you think about it logically, so much happens within 1 full year & likely to be a fair amount of sorrow, loss etc., in that. Why would you want to celebrate that & act silly over it. Someone I know said “but it’s to mark ending of one year & start of another”. Yes, it is that, but I mark it by getting & writing in a new diary & remembering to put the next years date in. Just because the media, TV, celebrities or whoever tell you to party etc., for New Year, doesn’t mean as adults you follow it like sheep😒

Dollydinkum Sun 29-Dec-19 10:32:03

I hate New Year. I find it depressing. To me, it’s like getting on the same old dark and dismal treadmill, nothing changed, not much to look forward to.
Conversely, I love springtime. The promise of new beginnings, births, the weather starting to show some brighter days, activity in the garden with lovely flower shoots coming forth and I can feel my mood lifting immensely. I feel excited and reborn. Springtime is my New Year and time to celebrate.

timetogo2016 Sun 29-Dec-19 10:37:51

I`m with Absent 100%.
I can`t stand all the bull...t when people wish you a Happy New Year and you know they don`t like you.

graninthemist Sun 29-Dec-19 10:40:43

I've never been sure why there's such a fuss about a new year. After all, in reality, it's just going from one day to the next, the only difference being that we're facing a different set of challenges. I think age inevitably makes us wonder what those challenges are likely to be. My husband has Parkinson's disease, and, unless 2020 brings the miracle of a cure, it's sadly inevitable that life will not get easier. We.just have to put our heads down, make the best of it and be grateful for what we do have. Happy New Year to grand everywhere. X