men on postnatal wards at night

This is not my experience of Edinburgh and our DC, DGC and friends were born there. 10 years ago, they were home the same day or after a very short time. One who had a C-section was in a side room with privacy and no-one could stay overnight. I am talking about the New hospital.
Is this a recent development? I don't like the sound of it at all.

Bring back MATRON!! all is forgiven

I was at the Sick Kids (Royal Hospital for Sick Children) recently and both the baby's parents were being housed in a local flat belonging to the hospital which was a wonderful support for the distraught couple. Baby recovered.

Your post sounds horrendous petunia, I’m all for giving women support but that sounds ridiculous what’s going on there, this didn’t happen years ago, bring back the matrons! Totally agree with EllieB52, I’ve heard everything now takeaways .Talking loudly, watching porn, watching women breastfeed! No privacy!

Following this thread I decided to see how widespread and recent this practice was. The first hospital guideline that google threw up was this

www.hey.nhs.uk/news/2018/07/23/hospital-offers-guidance-to-new-dads-before-overnight-stays/

I saw, with amazement that partners are allowed to take in a takeaway-as long as they clear up after.

And that men would be discouraged from walking around in their underwear and using the women's loos and shower facilities

Much of this relies on the compliance and co-operation of the people concerned. Unfortunately, some people do not regard such rules and regulations apply to them

In Sweden it seems to be the norm for fathers to stay overnight with new mum and baby but they have individual rooms. No-one else is allowed to visit though, so presumably general ward area is quiet.

The tendency in general hospitals for mixed wards is also uncomfortable for some women, but seems to be increasing. Often elderly patients with dementia can get confused and get into bed with someone else of opposite sex!

I wouldn’t like that at all - I remember it being quite nice when my own Dh went home so I could lie there peacefully and not have to make conversation. I certainly wouldn’t want other people’s partners there. I remember when I had my second baby, I was in a ward of six women. One evening, a dad pulled the curtains round the bed and tried to initiate sex with his poor wife, who’d not long delivered her umpteenth child. Someone rang for staff and the ward sister came running in. She was an absolute tyrant of the old school, mid-50’s, a spinster, rules must be obeyed type, but lovely to the mums and babies. She made that man wish he’d never been born himself! . No one would dare do that nowadays.

I refuse to believe all men behave like cavemen in maternity wards in Scotland. If that is the case, there is something seriously wrong and an intervention is needed to teach them to behave like human beings.

They cannot be very good husbands and fathers if they disregard the mothers' and babies' needs in such a vulnerable and crucial time.

If they behave like that, they must be kicked out. Period. Have security go around and make sure patients and their support behave.

I don’t think anyone is suggesting all men in Scotland behave like cavemen in maternity hospitals.

It only takes one or two to cause a kerfuffle and it isn’t always easy to deal with the situation, when so many hospital staff are verbally abused and assaulted nowadays.

When my daughter had her first baby, she was in a room with one other new mother whose husband slept overnight in a chair snoring like a freight train all night long.She booked a private room for the second birth!

I think the only way this can possible work is if the hospital has sufficient staff and room to put women who want their husbands to stay at night in one ward and women who do not want strangers around in another, where they will need to do without their own husbands.

I think staying would be alright if everyone had individual rooms and separate toilets, otherwise no, no, no. New mums need peace and quiet and are sent home so quickly now. Oh the joy of 10 days, rest enforced before visiting, all men out at 8.30, specially if it was a 2nd or 3rd baby.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My DiL gave birth at 11pm in a room with 1 bed (double) and the birthing pool all in an NHS hospital in East London. My son stayed the night and they all went home the next day. The perfect arrangement!

With rules of what can/cant happen, of course they should. We expect both parents to actively bring up a child, well it starts on day one!
There a rules for the mothers already in place, why would it be so difficult to make fathers adhere to the same ones?
If compromise is needed I'm sure one of the wards/bays could be male free, couldn't it?

I would have hated it but am sure my x would have wanted to stay. All it would have achieved was to stress me out, stop me from sleeping and been no help whatsoever. It was the only time he did any child care or housework when I was in hospital! I'm sure men are different now but it puts such pressure on the staff if they don't behave.

No no no,good grief it's a hospital not a hotel !

I can't understand why anyone has to have someone else in the ward with them, it's enough disturbance at visiting time. When I gave birth in the 70s there were strict visiting hours and no-one even thought of partners staying longer or overnight...

Why? Because nursing staff numbers have fallen, and some women need more support than what they are given

When my mother gave birth the rules were even stricter. No wonder! Bring back matron, and quite honestly, new mums - get on with it! Some mums need to develop a backbone!

Bully for you. “Some mums” Have developed a back bone and have stated that their needs are not being met and
therefore they need additional support.

Single rooms would help a lot of this.

As far as whole families visiting, Surely that’s not just men, but mothers and mothers in law and sisters and brothers and grandparents. This isn’t strictly a partner issue.

In the mid 70s when mine were born it was not expected that fathers would be present for the birth. We had to ask if this was possible and my husband was a lot of support. I had a very long labour.
Once the baby was born fathers went home and visited only during visiting hours for the next 10 days before we were discharged.
Babies spent their time in a nursery looked after by staff apart from feeding time when they were brought in to mothers, and taken back to the nursery after feeding.
It was only on day 8 or 9 that we were taught to bath baby, change nappies, and make bottles ( I was the only one that was breast feeding) but got shown anyway. Day 10 we came home.
It’s all very different now I know, but I wouldn’t be happy for random men to hang about in the wards all day, never mind all night.

I'm with Gagajo.
I think these days there isn't a tough faced matron on the prowl. When on the ward with our seriously disabled and I'll son, some beds were surrounded noise, like a party. Treated the curtain like a wall. Complete disrespect and young nurses not up to sorting them out

I agree bring back matron. And strict rules about visiting so that staff can do their job and wards are peaceful hygienic places. Certainly a bit more consideration for young children is needed (although I spent a month in hospital when I was ten. I cried sometimes missing home but I was fine. It didn't scar me.)
Too much about peoples rights nowadays.

Hopefully a lot of these posts are just written in a way that easily allows them to be misconstrued, but the implication of so many that a man’s job is to bugger off and go home and wait while the woman takes care of the newborn is, frankly, shocking.

Newborns are, on the whole, mostly awake in the middle of the night. This is when nursing staff is usually at its lightest, and a new mother needs the most amount of help.

The implication that women should just suck it up and deal is mind blowing to me.

Of course the proper thing is better hospital rooms and more nursing staff, but until that happens should women just not have the proper support?

It’s Coming across as incredibly misogynistic from a group of women who should know better.

Instead of fighting men on wards, fight for better care for your daughters and granddaughters.

Too much about peoples rights nowadays.

You must be joking.

In the 50s when babies and small children were in hospital parents were not allowed to visit them in case they, both child and parent, were upset or caught something, and could only look at them from the ward door. They couldn’t go to their child’s cot for a cuddle or allow the child to see them. I think after a period of settling they were allowed just for the strict daily visiting times
What will the next few years bring. I wonder if the nhs is around to celebrate its centenary. ? I really hope so.

Spot on Summerlove.

Fathers in maternity wards is about family bonding.

Btw, different mothers in the same room is being surrounded by strangers, even if no men were around

My daughter was very privileged to have had her second child in our local midwife lead unit. It was 5* treatment from start to finish. She had her own room, background music and a dedicated midwife who was with her through her delivery. The midwife have her aromatherapy and was just amazing. My SIL and I were brought in endless cups of tea and when she delivered at 9.20 that evening she was able to phone her sister who came in at 11 pm to see her and the baby, she also had her 16 year old niece - they could stay as long as they wanted as she was the only one on the unit that night. They had a bed for her husband and was given a towel so he could shower. The baby was unsettled during the night so one of the midwifes came in and took the baby with my daughters permission so they could both get some much needed sleep. The next morning they were both brought in tea and toast. and her sister brought in the new baby’s brother for him to see - she was told she could leave when she was ready, and if she really wanted she could have stayed in another night, the care was first class and couldn't fault it at all - but the best part was mum and dad had those very special moment of a new born together and time before going home before the hectic routine of a new born began.

It is deeply misogynist to say that women are not entitled to privacy when they are vulnerable, they are entitled to say no to having men in that space.