men on postnatal wards at night

A really lovely experience Roses. Glad all went so well.

Here we are with the old “human rights” argument again. It’s this present attitude that people’s demands, however stupid, have to be met. No, they don’t!
EllieB52 - you are SO RIGHT!!

I have be following this thread carefully and do recommend looking at the website petunia suggested: www.hey.nhs.uk/news/2018/07/23/hospital-offers-guidance-to-new-dads-before-overnight-stays/
I know times have changed,but the basic ideas in the report could be right for some mums. Most importantly, though, there is a need for rules which must be enforced so that other new mums aren’t upset. I was very distressed after a difficult birth ((in the late 80’s ) when at least 6 men- friends and relatives of another mum on our 4 bed ward- spent the whole afternoon eating, drinking , chatting and the last straw was when they wandered over to my bed to look out of the window.... they were almost sitting on my bed. The ward cleaner noticed what was going on and insisted that she needed to clean the windows , so these men had to move . I was in no fit state to cope with the situation myself and I’ll be eternally grateful for her kindness.
What is needed, as so many others have said, are individual rooms with private loos and showers ,then everyone would be happy!

I think it’s lovely to know there are some arrangements that allow for couples to be together in privacy if that’s what they both want and I wish it were more widespread. However, where single rooms are not available I think it’s wrong for someone else’s partner to be foistered on another woman in a shared space. I think it’s a bit OTT to believe that not being there for the first night would get in the way of bonding.

I love how threads take on a life of their own and go off at a tangent.
It just shows how we all see different things in a statement.

I really don't think my main aim was to point out how misogynistic all men are and should be banned until the infant starts school.Far from it.

I think I was wanting to say that there are, and always will be, sections of the community who will twist the rules or ignore them to their own advantage. The behaviour of a few partners can spoil it for the many. Takeaways, noise, walking around in their underwear, using the spaces designated for women to shower, this isn't what the policy called for, but unfortunately, in some cases this is what it got

Postnatal wards are notoriously understaffed. As is postnatal care in general. There may be shinning beacons of excellence around the UK but postnatal care generally can be sketchy and varied.

The shortage of staff at night is no reason to open the doors to people who choose to behave so boorishly. Partners who are genuinely helping the new mother and following the rules are one thing. Partners who seem to think its party time and a good laugh should be shown the door, and the midwife who does that should be congratulated not scolded.

I still think that new hospitals should be designed with these issues in mind.its much harder to change existing buildings

I was in a private room after two births and longed to be on the ward with the other mums.
They all sounded as if they were having a good laugh and supporting each other.

Partners, other children allowed during visiting hours only seemed to work too.

Yes one person (usually father) during the birth and for a while after, until mum is settled. Others during visiting hours only, then staff can watch their behaviour and deal with it.
Hygiene used to be important in hospitals. Visitors weren't even allowed to sit on the beds!

Call I loved my time in hospital after my dd was born ( it was a 5 day stay in those days). I remember the day my milk came in and the great advice from the seasoned mums. One of them really helped with her advice on latching on. We all had a great time and I became firm friends with one of them. And yes, very strict visiting times

It's a no from me. Many patients find having visitors tiring. A lot of mums probably want peace and quiet. Many husbands are possibly bored, hence the phones and takeaways. There will be plenty of time for dads to bond with baby when he/she gets home, which is generally fairly quickly nowadays.

My daughter in law was in the maternity ward and the mother in the bed opposite her had her man with her. He used the toilet on the ward and the bath. He shouted down his phone while eating a kebab. My daughter in law felt very exposed when trying to fed her daughter and nervous of him,
The staff seemed unable or unwilling to remove him . Luckily after 24 hours he went home.
When you have just had a baby you should not be exposed to strange men that are badly behaved, Bring back visiting time,.

I wonder about security.
Everybody could think that a person is someone else's partner, when they may not be.

I think it’s dreadful.
Allowing any men to stay overnight on a maternity ward is a no, no.
It just isn’t practical. Surely wives and partners can manage overnight until next visiting time.
I’m afraid I’m old school and wouldn’t feel comfortable having men around me in that situation.

Not much thought seems to have been given to the feelings of new mums who, for whatever reason, don’t have a husband/ partner to be there with them . It must be hard enough at visiting times to see others with partners/ husbands if you are on your own , let alone seeing them all night .

New mums and babies need peace and quiet to get to know each other... time for men when they’re home from hospital.

Sumnerlove

You must be joking.

No I'm not. Staff have complained and are being ignored by management because some people will shout about their entitlements. Never mind the rights of the other mothers.

No one said men aren't supposed to be included and share parenting, but yes, they should "bugger off" home to their own beds.

^Fathers in maternity wards is about family bonding.
Btw, different mothers in the same room is being surrounded by strangers, even if no men were around^

Bonding will happen when the mother and baby go home. A few days won't make a difference.

Other mothers are really not the same as other men.

MissA
When I was in the maternity home (what wonderful places they were!) with one of my DC, they used to lock the doors at night because drunks used to try to get in!
This home was situated in a nice park but was obviously en route from various pubs to an area of housing.

I insisted on paying for my own room with three of mine (the fourth was a mere six hour stay) as I just couldn't stand the thought of sharing a ward with a load of strange women, let alone men!

The sharing of bathrooms and showers was just repulsive to me so it was well worth a couple of hundred quid to have my own.

No no and thrice no Goodness I would really hate that it’s a ridiculous idea if the woman wants her husband overnight have a home birth if she can’t have a home birth tough
I was on my own for all three of mine I could have done with the support at the time but I wouldn’t have wanted more than handholding and support at the birth
For heavens sake it's a hospital
Dreadful idea

I’ve just been in one of those new unisex toilets which rather confused me. So can’t imagine what it must be like having strange men wandering around when you’ve just given birth. Also. When I was in hospital overnight a while ago, translator and her patient on ward talked loudly into the night. Was very annoying!

I work in a large teaching hospital in the south of England and it would be lovely if everyone could have a single en suite room, but I cant see it happening. Even the new wing of the hospital has just been built with six bed side wards sharing one loo. This is the NHS. Very difficult for staff to enforce the rules if people point blank refuse to comply. Unsurprisingly senior staff are generally quite busy overseeing the care of the patients, and the junior staff are reluctant to engage in what can be an huge scene with uncooperative visitors.

SunnySusie, surely that’s what security staff are employed for ?

I might get a lot disagreeing with me on this point But if the women have a straight forward birth they usually elect to go home after 6/12hrs that’s fine if they are ok medically. Now problem births ( and I had 3 of those ) no husband with me through all 4 of my births.
But these days are different now.
I think rooms for those who have difficult births and want their men to stay
not wards were other women are breast feeding, or having medical needs done, that’s not on!! everyone wants or needs privacy, especially after birth.

It's a time when you want to be alone with your new baby, not stuck in a noisy, public environment. Ideally, the chance to doze when/if the baby sleeps and begin breastfeeding in peace and quiet. Newborns are vulnerable to germs as well, so it seems unwise to have extra people staying so long.

Having said all that, they still barged in at 7 am to hoover my room!

Many people can't afford even a couple of hundred pounds Hetty. Great if you can. I think the NHS has more important things to budget for than private rooms.