So should I lie!

I think that , especially when people first meet you, if they have children themselves, it is a way of feeling that everyone is on common ground. It isn't meant to be intrusive.
My sister was always adamant that she didn't want children (this was actually before she had my nephew). She always said that because she had nieces and nephews, she said she could always borrow someone elses!
Another fiend's answer is usually that she prefers children she can hand back !!!

I can't believe how rude some people are...you shouldn't have to justify yourself to anyone...x

I’m an only child and my mother was always being asked why.
People often implied I was spoilt , which I wasn’t. Mum had no quick fire answer but if my father heard anyone saying anything about our circumstances he always called them out on it which they didn’t like at all!
I did not have a child for eight years and I got it in the neck for being selfish. One friend told me I had a higher chance of having cancer.!
It’s your choice and you owe no one an explanation . Think of an answer that you are happy with and use it!

This can be a really painful question for those who can't have children, and may have tried for years to become parents. I can never understand why people feel they can ask - and my response would be 'I don't discuss that matter'.

“Oh, I’m Sorry, would you mind awfully if we didn’t talk about that? Tell me about your grandkids instead - they look/sound lovely.”

Well, drop the ‘awfully’ bit if you like ?

To ask a woman why she doesn't have children is the height of rudeness and implies a huge value judgement - it suggests you have to provide a justification for not being a mum, whereas nobody is ever asked to provide a justification for being one. I am not childless but if I were and that question was put to me I wouldn't even give a response because the asker has no right to expect one. I would assume that by placing me in the position where I had to give a reason for my choices, that person wasn't somebody I would want to waste my time talking to anyway. And I would simply walk away.

I know at least 8 women who never had children and I would never dream of asking why, as it’s none of my business

Oopsadaisy has the best answer, Why do you ask?. Makes the person reflect a bit on their manners.

Mind you, I’ve had people ask why I had three children. One said in the same breath that she could have taught me how to use birth control. We’d just met so that was the shortest friendship of my life.

I would just shut them down with a ,"thats very intrusive" some similar variation of basically "mind your own business"

If you feel the need to answer these nosey folk......just say that you didn’t feel you’d be very good at parenting ( as you’re not maternal) , so made the choice not to have any. My brother and sister-in-law made the same choice.... and believe me they were right!!! It isn’t for everyone.

Yes, it is rude to ask why you haven’t got children. My sister would have lived a baby, but it just didn’t happen. When she was asked THE question, she would say ‘I’m waiting for one to be abandoned on my doorstep’. Job done.

My youngest son and DIL said, at the beginning of their marriage, that they planned to have a family. Nothing happened for ten years, but I never posed the question. DIl’s Mum, who had no GC, was constantly dropping hints.
They have finally announced that their first child is on the way, a son, due in May. It turns out that they have been trying for some years, without success, but chose not to share the fact with their families. I’m glad that I never asked, as it would have been upsetting for them.
I would ask people I was conversing with, in a casual way, if they have a family, but wouldn’t dream of asking anything intrusive.

No, I don't think you should lie. It is your choice.

Why not say....Gosh, I can't believe I'm STILL being asked that question. You can use any tone you wish or even laugh as you say it. That should cover all types of events/people without causing any awkwardness.

I think some people have no tact. My ex husbands new wife asked my son and his wife on their wedding day when children would be next. They have by choice decided they do not want children. At my other sons wedding a month later this woman asked my son and his wife again if they had started a family yet and then asked my second sons wife when they were starting their family. She actually asked me if I had had my menopause. This was from a woman whom I had never met before. So getting back to the point of this post, I would politely say that, by choice I have taken the decision not to have children and I do no want to discuss it any further.

It IS very rude to ask that. You are childless by choice and you should never have to explain yourself to anyone about that. But also, if they are asking a person who would have loved to have children but is unable, the question can be very upsetting. And then leads on to "What's wrong with you then?" People are so thoughtless. (Also like people who ask adult women who aren't in a relationship "Why haven't you got a boyfriend or husband?") I have one daughter, now 35, and when she was an older child I was occasionally asked why we only had the one child, and didn't we want her to have a little brother or sister. The people who asked didn't know that I had actually had another child, a baby son who died at a few weeks old, and also had a miscarriage. I would usually tell this to people who asked, and see the look of embarrassment on their faces. But it was hard for me to have to say it. Or lie and say we hadn't wanted any more children.

I would say 'why do you need to know?'

It is amazing what people think they have the right to ask. My daughter is an only child as I was advised not to have more. I have often had questions or comments about this.
Now as a widow, I can’t begin to count the number of times I have been asked if I am going to move from my home. Really? Is that anyone else’s business?

no dont lie .say that you wanted to further your career, and you feel that offering your services to others is better for you, ask them if they would like a baby sitter instead.

You could reply as one of my cousins did: "Oh, I love children, but I never wanted any of my own. The responsibility scared me."

Most people took the hint.

Alternately, you could reply along the lines of "Man proposes, God disposes." "It just never happened"

I see no obligation to be truthful when countering a question you find rude.

'Its just the way things turned out.' - If they want more detail give them the full unvarnished truth - they asked for it. I used to get a different version as I have one child. - Dismayed 'Oh, when are is poor little XX getting a new brother/sister.' Within my child's hearing and clearly expressing that s/he must be lonely and deprived. Not helpful. Nobody else's business.

My reply to this question is that I'm a champion worrier and it would only give me one more thing to worry about. Life is hard enough sometimes without the responsibility of a little person as well.

I get exactly the same treatment Oldwoman70 and how boring it is! I usually say 'I'm blissfully child free' and that shuts them up. I've lost count of the number of female conversations I've been 'shut out' of, or been 'bored to death by', because all they can talk about is children/grandchildren. The usual trend is to see whose 'little x, y or z has achieved more, done more, is better liked etc. It's like a competition for who has the most talented offspring. What happened to intelligent woman to woman conversations? We were all capable of them pre-childbirth/grandchild birth. I've been in the 'unfortunate' position to have had step-children; inherited but not living with me. It just reinforces my decision to not reproduce.
It was the right one!

We have friends of almost fifty years and never asked why they are childless. Not because we didn't feel we could ask, just that we felt it wasn't our business. Recently they volunteered the reason.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.