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Are we allowed to change our minds ?

(56 Posts)
Gemini17892 Tue 25-Feb-20 13:36:27

Not sure of the exact quote but was it Maya Angelou who said ‘ When I knew better , I did better. ‘ ?
Some of my beliefs and opinions have changed over the years and I think this is what ought to happen throughout life.
People held opinions that seem outrageous nowadays. Should we be held to account for things we said and did when young and maybe foolish ?

Yehbutnobut Tue 25-Feb-20 14:00:51

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Gemini17892 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:39:28

Yes. We lived and acted more or less within our own restricted worlds. The internet has forced me to challenge my opinions and also told me about things I’d have preferred not to know about. I find the older I get the less I know. Much of what I thought was obvious has evolved through science eg ‘Man has baby. ‘

annep1 Tue 25-Feb-20 14:42:20

As you get older and wiser its inevitable. I would hate to be held accountable for some things I did or said when young thoughtless and immature.

Doodledog Tue 25-Feb-20 14:51:48

Yes, I think we can change our minds - if we didn't it would mean we never matured, and getting older would be all doom and gloom grin.

Part of getting older is learning to see things in a more rounded way, and understanding that there are fewer blacks and whites than we maybe thought when we were young.

I don't understand people who cling to the past, saying things like 'that's just the way I was brought up'. Times change, and we can change with them.

GagaJo Tue 25-Feb-20 15:09:04

I don't know if I have changed THAT much. I think my basic core belief system is very similar to what it was when I was younger.

I didn't ever really want marriage or babies. I loved reading (teach English now). A child of the sixties, I was very idealistic and still am.

I think the attitudes I had as a child have just become more entrenched really. I wasn't racist as a child and now I challenge racism. I also remember worrying about the state of the world and how HARD adult life was, as a child, and I still feel those things.

I LOVE new perspectives on things, as long as they're positive. I actively chase change.

Nonnie Tue 25-Feb-20 15:46:42

Of course we should change our minds when we are mature enough to understand thing differently. To have a closed mind and not acknowledge one is wrong has to be a bad thing. Of course there may be perfect people out there who never need to change their view but I haven't met one yet grin

M0nica Tue 25-Feb-20 15:49:42

It was the economist John Maynard Keynes who said, When my information changes, I alter my conclusions. What do you do, sir?

paddyanne Tue 25-Feb-20 16:21:37

I was told the only time you cant change your mind is when you're in labour ,that was when the mum in the next room was screaming she was going home because...she'd changed her mind

M0nica Tue 25-Feb-20 16:22:36


Barmeyoldbat Tue 25-Feb-20 17:38:47

I don't think I have changed in my beliefs and I have also taken on new ones as the world changed. I was always what people now call alternative and hippy. I loved travel and people or a different culture and still do. I was brought up within a strong socialist family and my parent believed in equality in all areas. When living in Singapore I can remember my mum would have all the hired help sit down with us and enjoy an evening meal with us kids having to all the running around and clearing the table. We ate a variety of different dishes from different cultures, no agreements of I don't like curry (very hot) you just ate it.

No I am happy with how I am and how I was.

Nonnie Wed 26-Feb-20 11:11:16

I have definitely changed my mind politically. At 19 I knew everything and as I grew older I learned that I didn't. Over the years I have voted for different political parties and also written 'I ABSTAIN' when I couldn't make up my mind.

One of my close friends is someone I couldn't get on with at first, I think it was mutual, so we must both have changed our minds.

There has certainly been a change of emphasis in many areas of my life, some things I feel more strongly about and some matter less than they used to.

GillT57 Wed 26-Feb-20 12:12:34

I think we must change as we grow older, as life develops for us. I acknowledge that I had advantages in my early life such as a loving family, good food, warm home, and a good education, and it took me sometime to realise that not everyone else had the same. As a shallow teenager, I envied my friend whose parents didn't concern themselves with where she was or who she was with, whereas my parents needed to know the details of everything. I now, as a parent, realise that her big fancy house meant nothing when she came home to an empty house to a vesta curry or some other rubbish.

anniezzz09 Wed 26-Feb-20 13:16:58

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GrannyGravy13 Wed 26-Feb-20 13:58:43

The experiences you have along the road of life obviously influence each of us.

I also think my core values have stayed the same, but what goes on around me sways my opinion on how situations and individuals should be treated.

The only example I can give is when the whole Shamima Begim (sp?) case came to my attention I was all for leaving her where she is, but on reflection and many robust GN debates I came to the opinion that she should come back and face the consequences of her actions as opposed to letting another Country where she is not a citizen deal with her.

Gemini17892 Wed 26-Feb-20 22:22:09

I was wondering where you draw the line eg in cases when someone dredges up an old tweet from a student rant .
Should you be held to account if you have changed your views ?
How do we know you have changed ?
And how does this fit with someone accused of inappropriate conduct when they were young ?

NotSpaghetti Wed 26-Feb-20 22:42:03

If someone dredged up an "old tweet " I don't think it can really be all that old...

Lavazza1st Wed 26-Feb-20 22:54:43

I read something that says that every 7 years every cell in your body is replaced and mentally, I know I am not the same person I was 20 years ago. There are things ( and people) I had poor judgement on back then, but there are always going to be some people who cant forgive or let go of the past and keep dredging it up.
Fortunately most people seem to take Maya's approach. I dont see that it helps anyone to be judged for things they did when young and foolish. I played with a gollie as a kid, but I had no idea what it meant, back then. I think a lot depends on whether its the folly of youth or a criminal act. Bringing up someones embarassing mistake is unkind, but a criminal act must be dealt with.

welbeck Wed 26-Feb-20 22:59:48

Gemini, are you alluding to a certain now MP who at the tender age of 30 was caught with his trousers down. in a pub.
ask his constituents what they think.
vox pop heard on various radios today were overwhelmingly negative.

welbeck Wed 26-Feb-20 23:08:34

i am taken aback that twice upthread the n-word was used.
it is highly offensive, a swearword, and caused me to flinch.
it would not be allowed to be broadcast on radio.
i know people were referencing the past and did not mean to be offensive, but it could be alluded to, if strictly necessary, without being written out in full. just as one would not say it.
this is a case in point of how, thankfully, things have changed.

Doodledog Thu 27-Feb-20 00:52:26

I don't know what to think about the MP in the pub. I dare say a lot of people do stupid things 'off duty' in pubs, and it's not fair to hold them against them for 13 years, but I'm not really sure what happened, so in the spirit of the thread I might change my mind as I find out more grin.

I do remember the story of a young girl (I think she was about 16) who got a job as some sort of youth advisor for the police. It was a real job, and had good prospects for the future. The gutter press dug around and found some dodgy social media posts that she had made when she was about 12. I think they were racist (or maybe homophobic), and she claimed she had said them to fit in with her friends at the time.

She was sacked.

I don't know what became of the girl (this happened a while ago), but I think that sacking her was wrong, and that the journalists concerned should have had someone go through their personal lives with a fine tooth comb and make their (inevitable) indiscretions public.

I am the last person to support racist or homophobic behaviour, but I really think that a 12 year old should be forgiven for doing stupid things. Where adults are concerned, I hate the thought that people can't say or do regrettable things in private without having them held over them in perpetuity (let he who is without sin etc), but a lot probably depends on how serious the things are. Obviously, criminal activity is different, and some things are unforgivable and should never be absolved.

OTOH, we have a PM who has said and done some disgraceful things (burning £50 notes in front of homeless people, talking of 'watermelon smiles' and letter box women, and illegal ones such as taking cocaine at University), but has got away with it all. I don't think that (on the face of it) drunkenly baring a bum is as bad, but context is all, I suppose.

Teetime Thu 27-Feb-20 09:24:44

There was a song I think ' If I knew then, what I know now'.... I think of this a lot and still have horrors when I think of some of the things I have done and said. Why is it I only remember the bad things I've done not the good ones?

Oopsminty Thu 27-Feb-20 09:33:00

Hi Doodlebug. I remember the case very well. Quite close to where I was living.

They really should have checked her Twitter history before giving her this job.

She'd made some hugely offensive racist and homophobic remarks, not at the age of 12 but between the ages of 14 and 16.

She really did have to go with views like that

Her Tweets are available to see online for those interested

I'd not be posting them myself

Jishere Thu 27-Feb-20 11:40:37

But where do you draw the line? That is the thing.
Like we know there is child killers, which is the worst hateful crime.

But can we measure everything by being foolish. The young girl with the text at 12, maybe a big lesson learnt but the police have to have rules.

Of course there is no guarantee that she is the same person she was at that young age. How much do we learn and change from our younger self's?

polnan Thu 27-Feb-20 11:51:06

oh gosh, just imagine what the world would be like if people didn`t grow.... not just changing minds, we learn ,, surely,,
good grief,, of course we must change,, our minds,culture, everything

so much , not that long ago, was accepting, acceptable almost.

death penalty, colour bar... just to name the two obvious ones.