Let's see if we can make each other laugh

Stephen
The "Box" became popular because that's where some men keep their brains!

Rufus. Aye ! usually teenage young bucks but not exclusively so.

I lost my job last week because I kept asking customers whether they wanted “Smoking” or “Non-smoking"
Apparently the preferred terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

^I could tell my father was getting a bit emotional when I handed him his ninetieth birthday card.
Then he shouted "One would have been plenty!"

Patticake123

Whoever said one person cannot change the world, never ate an undercooked bat!

This reminds me.
One bat to his mate
"What's been the worse day of your life?"
" when I had diarrhoea"

I told my friend my husband had bought me a large bouquet of flowers.
"That's nice of him"
" Mm, he'll expect me to spread my legs"
"Why, haven't you got a vase?"

A mother visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate.
During the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, the son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."
About a week later, his roommate came to him saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose your mother took it, do you?"
He said, "Well I doubt it, but l'll email her just to be sure! He sat down and wrote, Dear mom, After your visit me, the silver plate has been missing. "I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it, but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your son."
Several days later, he received an email from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with your roommate, and I'm not saying that you don't sleep with her: but the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now, under her pillow.

I pop back now and then (not a joke) to catch up on these, gives me a good laugh, keep it up folks ???

Guy takes his ugly dog to the vet for a check up
Vet picks up the dog and examines him from all angles
"I'm very sorry" says the vet "But I've got to put your dog down"
" Just because he's ugly? " says the guy
"No" says the vet "He's really heavy"

.

Alcohol is allowed to be served at wedding receptions and funerals under current restrictions. A drunk man is staggering along the road.He is stopped by a policeman who asks “Sir may I ask where you have been ? “ “Yes officer.I have been to four weddings and a funeral.”

Can anyone see Jesus ?

Cute or what ?

If any of my jokes get too risqué or bad taste just say and I'll back off.

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely.
She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, 'I'm too young to die,' she cried.
Then she yelled, 'If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?'
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.
She gasped...
Then, he spoke...
'Iron this -- and then get me a beer.'

A man went to the chemists and bought a large box of condoms. He arrived home and put them on the kitchen table. His wife walked in and asked what was in the box,he replied condoms .She asked why the Olympic logo was on the box and he said because they're different colours .I shall be using the gold ones.She looked at him and said why don't you wear silver and try coming second for a change.

Young couple decide its time he met her parents, the girl tells him as it’s serious, after dinner with her parents she’d like to make love. The boy goes to the pharmacy for condoms, where the pharmacist spends some time explaining the different types and making love to a woman respectfully. The pharmacists asks the boy if he wants a pack of three, ten or family pack, the boy states the largest as he’s going to be busy that night. Two days later the boy knocks at the family house, after introductions, the Mother invites the boy to say grace. After his head has been bowed for twenty minutes the girl sidles up and whispers ‘ I had no idea you were so religious’ the boy responds ‘ I had no idea your a Father was the pharmacist’.

Friend of a friend was entering Australia, going through customs.

Them: "Have you ever been convicted of a felony?"

Him: "I didn't know it was still a requirement!"

They eventually did let him in, but they were clearly not happy with him.

A woman goes to her doctor's office,to discuss a strange development.
She has discovered a green spot on the inside of each thigh.
They won't wash off,they won't scrape off,and they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem,and tells her not to worry until he gets the tests back.
A few days later,the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor.
She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says,"You're perfectly healthy-there's no problem. But I'm wondering was your boyfriend that Harley guy in the waiting room?"
The woman stammers,"Why,yes,but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings are not real gold"

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.