Let's see if we can make each other laugh

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either

WHY MEN ARE SELDOM DEPRESSED:
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another Petrol station lavvie because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2500. Morning suit rental-£125. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, He or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier

Just for fun, after 30 days, everyone post a pic of your moustache.^
Get your husbands to join in too

How is this comp. going? Was started due to difficulty of accessing Hairdressers because of Covid
Regret I have to drop out! Testosterone levels are not what they used to be! All I could muster was a wispy, straggly item looking like an off-cut from a threadbare carpet, instead of a Jimmy Edwards type handlebar, as hoped.
Good Luck to remaining contestants!

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

Yorkshireman's Motto

Ear all, see all, say nowt;
Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt –
Allus do it fer thissen.

Little old lady had two monkeys for years. One day one of them died of natural causes.

In grief, the second monkey passed away two days later. Not knowing what to do with them, she finally decided to take them to the taxidermist and have them stuffed.

After telling the owner of her wishes, he asked her, "Do you want them mounted?"

Blushing, she said, "No. holding hands will be fine."

This always makes me laugh

And another one

Oopsadaisy . I especially liked the last one!

And another one

Oopsadaisy4 At first take I thought he was holding your knitting wool!
Btw; What's happened to Oopsa3, and which one's got BPPV like what I still have!?
Good Health.
OoRoo

Hi Rufus, it’s me the one with the BPPV, although all fine at the moment (fingers crossed, touch wood and whistle )
How are you? Not falling over I hope!

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled - normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry.... we can't hire you."
"But wait," the man says. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!"
"Really? Great! Show me!"
So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavoured condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking.
"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanising all over the country!"
"Womanising? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

i.servimg.com/u/f11/19/26/50/57/img_7412.jpg

I can't load the pict' but it's worth a click.

How are you? Not falling over I hope!
Qoopsadaisy4 I'm very well thank you!
Not falling over at the moment, not even head-over-heels in love!
Keep BPPV free!
Good Health

I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, “This one can seat three people without any problems.”

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find three people without any problems?
This might be in the wrong thread!

An old one, maybe a little inappropriate.

Man goes to the doctor's, and says "Doctor, Doctor, I've got lettuce growing out of my bottom". The doctor examines him and says solemnly "I'm very sorry, sir. I'm afraid it's just the tip of the iceberg".....

Not a joke, but it made me laugh. I was was trying to explain to DGD why she needs to do her homework, and that we need to pass exams, to get jobs, to earn money. I asked her where she thought mummy got her money from. The reply was very quick. 'From the cash machine!'

I used to do a stand-up gag of a Neanderthal man, you know, that vacant look, jaw slack, insane hair, lip pouting pugnaciously and muttering incomprehensible rubbish.
But the University of Colorado has just discovered Neanderthals were actually quite intelligent.

So now I tell my audience it’s Donald Trump.

Phonics.....!

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

Yeah no one remembers Mark Twain’s brother chu chu either

Somebody has been doing Covid19 versions of well known children’s books.
Like this one

And don't forget this one!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMBh-eo3tvE&feature=youtu.be

Hello Rufus, or should I say Good evening Saturday??

Q Is Google male or female ?

A Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.