Gransnet forums


The trouble with Gransnet

(70 Posts)
Artdecogran Tue 07-Apr-20 15:39:07

I have been on Gransnet for about a year now and it has not been at all how I expected it to be. My comment is partly prompted by Gransnet asking for people to comment on it. I think I joined it because I needed someone to chat to, to ask questions and get support. Looking back I think I was naive. I have had support and most welcome it was too but that is often countered by unnecessary sniping and harsh comments. Posters often seem to delight at sniping at each other and forgetting the thread theme. It also seems that some famous figures invite nothing but bile and derogatory comments and yet others for no discernible reason can do no wrong. I have thought about the different attitudes and think it’s because I was naively expecting everyone on here to be my friends. After all, we have friends because they mostly share our opinions, have similar interests and have history together. If they disagree it tends to be noted in a subtle caring way. It’s taken a while for me to notice that Gransnet is just a group of people with disparate experiences etc that are not ‘on my side’. I have been reduced to tears by some of the sniping that goes on, not only to myself but to others. Then again that is the trouble with the written word, it is just black and white. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. I am not criticising as such, just saying what I feel.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 07-Apr-20 17:20:47

It's really important that all who come to the site feel welcome - it is, after all, a place for everyone.

Inevitably, we all have different opinions on things, which is only to be expected in any large group, virtual or otherwise. And that's fine (of course). But while we welcome debate, bullying is another matter altogether.

As you know, this is a post-moderated site and it's not possible for us to read every post. But if you see any instances of bullying, do please report them to us.

Now, more than ever, it is so important to have a place where we can chat to other people and while we would never expect everyone to agree on everything, we do ask that people post in a way that does denigrate other users.

I think it's fair to say that most of us are a little more tense/stressed than usual at this very strange and difficult time, but do stick with us, and just let us know if there's anything we should look at.

Gemini17892 Tue 07-Apr-20 17:20:51

To Lemongrove

Yes I did host a party at the Towers. Why do you mention it ?

ninathenana Tue 07-Apr-20 17:22:56

I have one member that I share PMs with, apart from that I very rarely receive them.

Chewbacca Tue 07-Apr-20 17:22:59

Nor me M0nica. I agree with Marydoll, GN is like any other strata of society; it's a mixed bag; some you like, some you don't but Marydoll puts it better than me. And just like in real life, some people you just hit it off with straight away and a virtual friendship grows and if you're very lucky, those friendships become "real" ones when you actually meet up.
I think that, due to the present situation with COVID-19, many of us are in a state of heightened tension and stress and that is sometimes spilling over to what's posted. But overall, GN is a nice place to be generally imo.

EllanVannin Tue 07-Apr-20 17:31:28

It's possible that we had some overspill from Mumsnet last year. They weren't grannie material that's for sure.

Hetty58 Tue 07-Apr-20 18:30:19

It's just like at work, where you get a range of different opinions and interests. You find like-minded friends and people you really can't fathom.

I'd never be upset by what others write online, though. It's just words.

Those who resort to sniping and personal insults clearly demonstrate their own inability to produce a logical opposing argument.

I find them amusing in what they unwittingly reveal about themselves.

There was a lady at work with loud, outspoken views and beliefs. She could never explain why she had them, though. We discovered that she was just quoting her husband!

Kandinsky Tue 07-Apr-20 18:50:10

I’m assuming most of you haven’t been members of mumsnet?
Mumsnet makes this place look like a convent.

Callistemon Tue 07-Apr-20 18:58:15

I dipped a toe in the water, *Kandinsky, and then fled to the sand dunes!

Maggiemaybe Tue 07-Apr-20 19:16:44

Yes, I’m on Mumsnet. I don’t post often, but I enjoy browsing the threads. I think the difference is that it has so many members, it never seems insular, and GN can be. MN’s the big city, we’re the little village where everybody knows everyone else. Sometimes that’s a good thing, but it can be a disadvantage as well.

Callistemon Tue 07-Apr-20 19:17:41

A good analogy Maggiemaybe

TrendyNannie6 Tue 07-Apr-20 19:26:34

I have received quite a few private messages, each one of the posters were lovely. Yes I enjoy Gransnet I also enjoy mumsnet too, the language is very colourful though to say the least, not for the faint hearted 😜

sodapop Tue 07-Apr-20 19:27:45

Sorry you felt uncomfortable on GN Artdecogran it's probably a mistake expecting everyone to be your friend, there is such a cross section of people we are never all going to agree. In fact it would be pretty boring if we all did agree.

I like getting PMs as well, they have always been friendly and supportive, usually continuing a discussion we were both interested in.

pollyperkins Tue 07-Apr-20 19:35:38

I agree with what you say artdecogran. I have been annoyed and sometimes shocked by unnecessary sniping. Also I think because people don’t really know you , it’s easy to be misunderstood. I have sometimes put things badly and put peoples back up unintentionally - if they knew me they would know I’m not like that and make allowances (I hope). It’s horrid getting unkind remarks. But without exception all the pms I’ve had have been friendly and supportive agreeing without what I’ve said or thanking me for defending them. It’s difficult to come across as the person you really are I think.

lemongrove Tue 07-Apr-20 21:52:48

Gemini....I mentioned it because I wasn’t totally sure it was you.😃It was really good fun, your party at Gemini Towers.

PoppyD Tue 07-Apr-20 22:36:44

I am a watcher mostly. I have been upset by some unkind postings aimed at clearly vulnerable people. Everyone is entitled to their views but vindictive attacks on some posters who are troubled or grieving have put me off posting. Those who do this need to take a deep look at themselves. I don't like confrontation and would post more if I felt more comfortable with some posters. Most seem lovely a few spoil things.

welbeck Tue 07-Apr-20 23:27:29

i agree with the above.
it is possible, indeed should be the norm in civilised society, to be able to disagree with a statement without abusing the speaker.
there does seem to be some point scoring going on sometimes, which as well as being unpleasant, is often baffling and boring to other readers; some kind of private bickering conducted on a public forum.
don't go OP. stay and play.

GabriellaG54 Tue 07-Apr-20 23:31:16

Gemini Towers in the US?

GrannieIggle Wed 08-Apr-20 00:32:01

Hello @Artdecogran
Thank you very much for posting that.
It's good to know how others feel. I'm a real newbie - I joined just this last week. I can see that there are many posters who write generously, kindly and thoughtfully - they have a lot of interesting, engaging thoughts to share.thanks

I'm not a newbie in the forum world though and have been on other forums for up to a couple of decades now. A couple of them, shall we say, free with the colourful language and insults! (These forums probably have more male than females. [eye-rolling emoji here!!]) But even these seem more mature than some of the silly, spoling-for-a-fight comments I've read here.

I have forthright opinions which I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with. And I've learnt a lot from reading other people's differing thoughts and opinions over the years and the resulting sensible discussions.

But I do expect respect, the respect I accord to others. What's surprised me such a lot here is the sniping you raise, Artdecogran. What's that about? Do we have a bunch of teenage grans on here?! Because it's just the sort of behaviour that kids manifest!

No excuse for it if it's from those of mature years. Especially when a good number of us are challenged IRL with enough health, family, domestic and other problems without being sniped and snarked at online - and even more so now during this dreadful virus epidemic.

Perhaps these snipers are actually in the wrong forum if they like upsetting others?! Anyone who snipes at others rarely has anything much to contribute anyway. Pity there isn't an ignore button on here grin. (I have one in my head though LOL!!)

Nonnie Wed 08-Apr-20 12:14:05

I am another who has had very supportive PMs, only ever one nasty one. It is a useful way of clearing up any misunderstandings too.

I think getting posts deleted is a bit of a lottery. If a post has been in place for many days and been debated a lot, it seems rather strange to delete it after such a long time. I suspect there are those who ask for deletions when they are not getting the answers they want, not winning the 'argument'

I do find some of the attitudes lack empathy as I get on well with most people. We live in a cul-de-sac and know most of the others and get on very well with them all.

Megs36 Wed 08-Apr-20 14:00:43

Interesting comments. I sometimes think GN is like school, there’s the HeadTeacher and her Deputy, then comes Matron, followed by Pastoral care and Physical exercise teachers, all the others take their places followed by the Head Girl and Prefects next,many of us are just ‘pupils’ in Lower School. Oh and then of course somewhere the Caretaker lurks..
I occasionally post but rarely get any kind of comments or come back, like life those with the most confidence and loudest voices get noticed.

annep1 Wed 08-Apr-20 14:53:09

Interesting analogy Megs. I'm definitely in the lower school. 😕

Callistemon Wed 08-Apr-20 15:00:38

Don't forget our very own Maths teacher extraordinaire Megs36!!

And the Dinner ladies with their hints, tips and recipes.
And the school gardeners, we are often out in force.

Callistemon Wed 08-Apr-20 15:03:31

Anyone for a midnight feast?
Keep it under your hat, girls


sodapop Wed 08-Apr-20 15:11:30

But always the naughty girls ( and boys)

Callistemon Wed 08-Apr-20 15:12:58


(I watched Malory Towers last night, can you tell?)