Best way to react?

Have you had counselling re your relationship with your father? It might help you to understand the trigger points with your boss and give you a coping mechanism. And definitely copy your work, sign and date it. And send as a pdf not as doc text.

Keep copies of everything that you do on a pen drive that you take home. Send a blind copy (BCC) to your personal email account of every email that you send at work, and forward the replies to personal email account. You may need these to prove what is going on.
Find out if he does the same behaviour to anyone else. get together if you can and go over his head (to his line manager) and put in a formal complaint.
Good luck. I would be looking for another job.

For many many months I had a bullying controlling boss so bad I considered taking my own life. Until I decided to take control. I not only saved my work/emails etc. on my work PC I also emailed everything to my personal email address where she couldn’t access. I also added blind information in the footer on PC work showing date created and initials. This was because emails delivered and read were deleted and I was accused of not sending them. Documents were deleted from shared drive and I was accused of not completing work. I eventually went of sick due to depression and whilst I was off every email sent to her was deleted from my inbox. It was the worst time. She later got promoted to director status and was no longer my boss and I got another rather controlling boss but not as bad she is also very very ambitious but one day I took very ill in the office the paramedics took my BP and it was 221 over 100+ I was off for several weeks and when I came back to work
Things dramatically changed for the better.

I highly recommend: www.amazon.co.uk/Bully-Sight-challenge-workplace-Overcoming/dp/0952912104?tag=gransnetforum-21 This helped me enormously to win a grievance against a (male) manager in the Civil Service who co-incidentally reminded me of my father and who also abused other members of staff. I was not in his team but he managed me when I was 'on duty' My professional association also helped keep me focussed on my own issues during the grievance procedures following a shocking incident of management failure which I was able to evidence clearly.

Speaking from experience sounds like my experiences years ago constant criticism and failures to explain where I was going wrong I went higher up the chain going right to the top of the organisation. However he was ex military used to being obeyed and he used this attitude with directors and main boss who was female and wouldn't or couldn't stand up to him I was left with no option but to leave and find another job and heard 6 months later the main boss had resigned and he took over from her so I can empathise with your situation.

Seriously it's not worth risking your health over it. People pick up on others who are shy, quiet not assertive and deliberately pick on them. I later got a job where I was respected, appreciated and valued and was sorry to leave when I retired.

Join a union

Keep a complete audit trail of your verbal and written interaction with him.
The next time you feel he is controlling you in an unacceptable way and remember that this person is your manager and has a right to 'manage' you, tell him your take on the situation, how he makes you feel and ask why he is doing that.
Give him a week to respond by changing his behaviour towards you.
If there is no improvement, take the audit trail to your HR department and say you wish to make a complaint and want the matter investigated.
If you are in a unionised environment, get the support of your union official.

Try imagining him without his clothes - bring him down to earth in your mind. Hope it helps!

Rmegan, your story really saddened me, and the toll on your health was shocking. If I were in that situation, or if the OP feels anything like you, she needs advice about
on claiming constructive dismissal. This bully should not get away with causing such distress. You are at work and employers are required to provide a duty of care. If your situation is causing such extreme anxiety when your boss is in the room, it's affecting your health and wellbeing at work. I couldn't stay. Working relationships are as important as personal ones as you spend so much time at work.

Been there - done that! My last job before retirement had an absolute monster - if a short a***d one. Used to drive whole department crazy and almost drove my immediate boss (who was an absolute angel) into a nervous breakdown.

He had a nasty habit of stepping into your personal space before slitting his eyes at you and getting himself wound up. I stopped him because I used to burst out laughing at him. Sorry, but he was absolutely pathetic. One of his remarks to me that was supposed to put me in my place was "Belinda, I could never have you as my secretary" to which my reply was "That's good, because I couldn't work for anyone who had no sense of humour". Well he started it!

Eventually, he was made redundant.

The oddest thing was that outside of work he was a really pleasant person to spend time with?!?!?

Belinda, karma!

@ineedamum
You have my full symathy, I was in a similar position until 2 years ago when I escaped. My line manager found fault with everything I did even though she was the only person with a problem, other managers used to praise me for the quality and quantitiy of my work. I kept a copy of everything, saved it onto a memory stick which meant it was timed and dated. I also kept a diary (at home) of all incidents with her, she made my life hell for over two years until one day I did something about it. Confronting a bully doesnt work, trust me, I tried that one, it only made it worse. But going out finding another job really hit her where it hurt, you see, as I did all of her management reports for head office in Europe each week/ month/ quarter and year. I also kept her department training records for her team of 40. This is just a small part of her job that I did that she couldnt manage to grasp that she had shunted onto me. She had overloaded me so much that I was going into the office at 06.00 daily and often not leaving until 18.00hrs just to keep my head above water, she was coming in at 11.00 leaving at 14.00 you get the gist. Everyone who leaves that company gets an exit interview with an HR Manager. There is a set list of questions to answer about why you are leaving etc, etc. This is where I got my own back, I didnt need a reference from her as I knew the managers where I was moving to so a generic HR reference was more than enough to tick the box. I also told them why it was HR providing the reference.they were happy with that. I did however answer all exit interview questions truthfully and to the point. The HR Managers face said it all as the qusetions continued. At the end she asked why I had said nothing previously to which I replied simply "would anyone have believed me if I had done?" The upshot is that the woman has now been retrained, has a blot on her record for bullying, new procedures were put into place to stop it happening again and she is even now closely monitored by Senior Management. I know someone who still works there in the department next door to the one I was in. It is the best move I ever made. I love my "new" job, have loveley management who appreciate everything . Please dont suffer in silence as I did. you are not alone and need to make it stop for your own sake.

For starters whatever work you do please keep copies. I would in a non aggressive way send an email and ask him to point out where you are going wrong just so you can learn for future. You need as much as you can get in a written form, anyone can deny saying anything, so you need to have emails. Also address it to someone higher if manager doesn't respond.
Try to separate this person from the behaviour of your Dad, cut off from emotions this is your boss and should give you reasonable reasons why he thinks your work is not good enough.
But as it has bought up emotions to do with your Dad deal with them as a separate issue. If you have to wait for counselling write your emotions down or send your Dad a letter expressing how he made you feel growing up. You don't need to send it this is all to help you heal from your dad's behaviour.

Surely taking copies of work related matters (both to and from the business) and sending to your own personal email, contravenes data protection laws.
Be very careful. That could backfire. I would certainly sack an employee who did that and the OP could be taken to a tribunal.
I personally think that the OP is overlaying her father's attitude onto her manager, possibly misinterpreting his seemingly officious behaviour as it reminds her of her father.
The nub of the matter is her paternal relationship, not the manager who is the fall guy for her inability to separate two people who shine a critical eye over her actions.

In addition to all the other good advice you, OP, mentioned the Parent Adult Child ego states. There are other good ways of understanding and helping you take good care of yourself in this situation but I hope this helps a little bit too.

A few things that might help you re PAC

1) When your farther (P) was criticising you (C) that is what you were The Child. You had very few options as The Child you have a few more options now.

I believe it is important that you KNOW and UNDERSTAND the options you have available to you NOW.

One of the most Important facts you could work on is that when YOU were the Child YOU did not have the Adult, Grown Up, Big YOU to help you with your Farther.

You have The BIG YOU (A) to help you Now. You've just used your (A) by asking for help/advice. Good Start, Go YOU :-)

I understand your boss can behave in a way that take you back into your (C) so change some thinking and some ways you talk about HIM and the WORK situation.

1) NO NO NO - he is not your Boss - HE is a Manager For The Business.

He is NOT the person who controls your LIFE nor can take you LIFE away from you.

He can affect your Working Life but you can Change things.

I understand that he is making your Working Life difficult.

BUT (he is a butt)

Now you have a BIG YOU (A) to stand in front of the Little You (C) and you can Protect your Little You (C) from this butt Manager AND your Farther.

Some of your options GNers have already suggested and there are some very good suggestions here.

You have Options.

As a Child you didn't have these Options

You couldn't get another Home or another Farther when you were a Child.

You have more power in this situation than you did in the situation with your Farther.

You do seem to realise there is a difference but I am guessing you are struggling with How to understand the differences and How to make them work for you in this Here and Now situation.

If you want to get a bit more information/understanding or the psychological (you) element of your current difficult relationship with what sounds like a Bullying man then Google is your friend until you can get out of there.

Look at Dealing with a Bullying Boss. Find out what the Law says. If you want to fill in more of the P A C and the Drama Triangle TA Tutor is a good site or look up TA Transactional Analysis.

Get researching, learn and find your power. With personal Power your have Potency and with Potency you have the Power to PROTECT you Now and the little you.

Wishing you all the very best of outcomes and a lovely New Job in the future.

Look for another job, dear, or complain to your union about your manager.

Certainly, document his behaviour.

Documentation is the key, with dates and times and who was present, if any. HR should then be your next port of call. I was a bullying victim. My documentation was too hard for them to deny the bullying. I won the case. My boss was a female!

I kept a record of the bullying and then told someone what I was doing, knowing the message would get back to the perpetrator. He stopped.

Bullies are often insecure cowards so standing up to him might work. Better still look for another job as soon as possible. Start working on your CV or an official complaint listing times and dates of any incidents. It might help to feel you are moving forward.

Despite all that’s going on my son has had a job offer.

When he is in the parent state you will have to learn to act as an adult in the adult state not a child in the child state. Very difficult.

Do not say you are struggling etc. he will use any humble approach as a sign that you are not competent in the job and dismiss you on grounds of capability or rather lack of it.

As other have said keep a copy of all your communications and then discuss this with HR you probably have grievance procedure you can follow however a manager who bullies might counter with a disciplinary process and it could all get out of hand. You are in a very difficult situation As someone else suggested look at your job description and do your job. Initiative is not on the whole welcomed unless you have fulfilled you actual obligations for which you are paid. Good luck.

Your father issues may actually be hurting your ability to be assertive in other situations as well, so beware. You may need some professional counseling to help you recognize and avoid other abusive relationships, especially in your personal life.

In the workplace, critiquing, correcting and even rejecting a subordinates work, is at the manager's discretion as long as it's done constructively. Deleting someone's work however, especially without their consent, is both unprofessional and possibly unethical depending on the motivation.

Unless you've been working there for a long time and your career is on track and thriving, I would start looking for a better job. You should seek a professional environment where employees are valued and respected.

In the meantime, maintain a diary of these incidents (a couple of videos might not hurt either). When you have enough ammunition (and another job lined up, just in case), report him to HR. In this day and age, no one should have to put up with workplace abuse!

Keep copies.
Document everything.
Make paper trails I. e. Email, best not verbal as it can be denied.
Challenge him in an email. NOW when I say challenge lots of people this this means aggressively it doesn't! Such as...... I noticed my work of Xxxxx has been deleted, and I'm wondering why this was?
I'd like to have the opportunity to discuss my deleted work of XXX with you please let me know when you are available etc etc. Generally bullies don't like meeting!
Bullies remain bullies until challenged, show you can't be treated that way, manage your manager it CAN be done! Once done easily repeated ?

If you really don't get on and you're unhappy at work, the easiest thing to do is look for another job.

It's not worth all the stress and hassle of fighting your corner, especially when others may well just see it as a personality clash.

I agree Hetty58
We are, after all, only knowing one side of the story. We cannot judge fairly after knowing only 1/3 of the tale. The other two characters in this miserable affair are being castigated by 'us' who don't know them.
Naturally, I have every sympathy for the OP but her telling of the tale is tainted by her 'dislike' of her father, therefore her judgement of her manager in whom she sees shades of her parent.
This would affect her ability to divorce her loathing for her father from the (possibly) critical eye of her manager.

...and I wish posters wouldn't immediately cast the manager as a bully etc as you/we know nothing of his story. I'd hate you to be on a jury.