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THIS IS HOW I SEE IT

(61 Posts)
phoenix Wed 06-May-20 19:19:54

To all GN Members

Complaining about my husband in a light hearted way should not offend or upset those who have lost theirs, as indeed members writing about their adult children in a similar way shouldn't offend those (myself included) who have lost theirs.

We all have losses to contend with, and they may be harder to bear at this time, but if we can smile at least once a day, surely that is what those who have left us would want, and those left behind, need.

The fact that they are dead, doesn't make them perfect. I'm sure that they had their foibles and peccadiloes, which no doubt annoyed or irritated you.

Don't beatify them, they were men, both special and ordinary, but nonetheless loved, as indeed my dh is.

Thank you for reading.

Ilovecheese Wed 06-May-20 19:25:37

I have always admired your spirit phoenix.

Tangerine Wed 06-May-20 19:28:42

I totally agree with you. Although I hope I am sensitive to people's feelings, I often think this in real life.

If someone had lost a husband or offspring, I would be tactful but I wouldn't expect to never say I was feeling a bit cross with a relation.

I am widowed and had a good husband but, like everyone else in the world, he was not perfect every day and neither am I.

phoenix Wed 06-May-20 19:29:08

Thank you,Ilovecheese I hope this post is taken in the spirit that it's intended.

Fennel Wed 06-May-20 19:30:30

phoenix- I think I know what you mean and hope you haven't been too hurt.
You have been brave to write as you do.
We all have a lot to learn about life and death.

ginny Wed 06-May-20 19:46:03

I agree with you .
I sometimes go to post something and then think that someone will pop up to tell me ‘ I should think myself lucky that ...... ‘
I am sure we all have times when things irk and annoy us but it doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate the good bits.

Cherrytree59 Wed 06-May-20 19:47:31

Taken in the spirit that is intended Phoenix whilst partaking in the t'other sort wink
Cheers and good health 🍸

eazybee Wed 06-May-20 20:07:01

Good on you, Phoenix.
It needed saying.
I like your posts.

seacliff Wed 06-May-20 20:13:23

Well said Phoenix. I agree with all you say. wine

phoenix Wed 06-May-20 20:15:07

Thank you to all who have posted, appreciated. thanks

Sark Wed 06-May-20 20:26:15

I agree Phoenix Well said

kittylester Wed 06-May-20 20:28:41

Phoenix I do love your posts!!

sodapop Wed 06-May-20 20:32:33

Keep on keeping on Phoenix we need your humour at the moment.

Feelingmyage55 Wed 06-May-20 20:42:39

I agree Phoenix. I also think that the more loss we experience, the more important it becomes to be realistic, pragmatic but most of all, to find pleasure, joy and humour in the small everyday things (including cabbage). Clearly you feel this too.

BlueSky Wed 06-May-20 20:51:46

Has somebody said something about your posts Phoenix?

Sussexborn Wed 06-May-20 20:56:45

Well said Phoenix.

Grannybags Wed 06-May-20 21:01:38

I agree with you Phoenix

phoenix Wed 06-May-20 21:04:48

Feelingmyage55 grin at you remembering the cabbage incident!

Lucca Wed 06-May-20 21:05:02

Yes agreed and I’d have thought it was obvious that what you say aBout mr p is “in jest” !

merlotgran Wed 06-May-20 21:11:00

Nothing wrong with having a sideways look at life especially if it helps lighten the mood in the midst of a bloody pandemic!

Keep posting, phoenix.

Hetty58 Wed 06-May-20 21:12:32

Absolutely spot on - especially about the strange idea of the dead suddenly becoming saints.

Some people are ready to be offended by just about anything, sometimes on other people's behalf (when those same 'others' don't mind).

I very much resent being told what I can, and cannot say by some people on here. I like free speech!

GabriellaG54 Wed 06-May-20 21:19:37

Sometimes, in posting what we really feel, albeit in as tactful but as honest a manner as we can, certain people can get upset/offended.
That is neither the fault of the poster nor the reader.
We cannot walk on eggshells but we can and should be honest whilst being measured both in our writing and our reading of posts.
The OP, in this case phoenix was explaining her feelings which, if we are honest, we have all felt in one way or another during our relationships be they DHs or OHs.
To castigate the poster, is to stifle honest comment, not something we should encourage.

Evie64 Wed 06-May-20 21:33:26

Completely agree, just because someone dies, it doesn't turn them into a Saint. I remember meeting a very old lady who lived in our street back in the early 80s when myself and my girls went to deliver a Harvest Festival package to her. She was so grateful and invited us in for a chat. At some point I asked if she had been married. She said "Yes, but he died over 20 years ago". I said "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that". She replied "Oh don't be dear, he was a horrible man"! It still makes me giggle. grin

SueDonim Wed 06-May-20 21:39:33

Hear hear, Phoenix.

As my friend who lost her little daughter to cancer said, ‘People speaking about their own children doesn’t make my loss any worse. It’s not a ‘reminder‘ of my child because my child is always on my mind anyway.’ flowers

Scribbles Wed 06-May-20 21:44:49

Phoenix, please don't be put off posting. I absolutely fail to understand why anybody should have been upset by your thread of yesterday. The word "oversensitive" comes to mind.

It's simple: if the subject matter of a thread offends you, skip it and move on to something else.