THIS IS HOW I SEE IT

phoenix. Glad to see you came back on this.
I always look forward to your posts. Do not change your way of posting in any fashion.

My OH died in February - in no way was he perfect. There were things I loved about him and things that drove me nuts. I miss him lots - even the things that drove me nuts. That is life; real life.

I was entirely capable of grumbling about him or joking about his foibles when it was appropriate.

I am sure it was the same for him too.

Hang on in there phoenix.

I think we should start a Phoenix Appreciation Society. You have cheered up many more people than you have upset. I have laughed out loud at your posts and I look forward to them.
It’s a tricky one isn’t it ? Like Ginny I have hesitated to post about my OH for fear of offending someone on here who has lost a partner.
If people have read your ‘ many many’ posts they should know you are very fond of Mr P and are only joking.

We all enjoy your stories about Mr P and his foibles, phoenix.

In fact I think he's become rather a cult figure, thank you for sharing him.

I suppose it goes back to the familiar argument on here that if you don't like or approve of a thread, don't go on it.

I dont know what prompted you to post this Phoenix but if anyone has "had a go" I would say they need to get a sense of humour. I love your posts! I am another who has lost a child but I dont object or have a go when someone posts about their children. Likewise I dont get upset when someone says about hugging their Grand kids, my GS is autistic and I cant hug him as he doesnt do contact like that but good on those that can cuddle. Please dont stop posting about Mr P.

Phoenix as a long time divorcee, I really enjoy the humour in your posts. I love how the warmth and love between you and Mr P come shining through. Please keep on cheering us up with your posts.

Well said phoenix , I agree with you and enjoy reading your posts.

I don’t agree that anybody “defending” their husband - whether alive or dead- is necessarily beatifying them.
In the same way, if he does not happen to share the shortcomings expressed by OP (whatever those might be) - what is the problem with saying so?
Yes, threads of this type (and we have had a few) are lighthearted but the custom of knocking “ ‘im indoors “ like the stereotyped mother-in-law figure is to me as dated as Les Dawson or Andy Capp and frequently out of touch with reality.

Spot on phoenix

Phoenix, no one could love their husband more than I love mine
HOWEVER, when he eats an ice lolly, I have to leave the room, I have misophonia
I enjoy reading your posts

Phoenix, please don't be put off posting. I absolutely fail to understand why anybody should have been upset by your thread of yesterday. The word "oversensitive" comes to mind.

It's simple: if the subject matter of a thread offends you, skip it and move on to something else.

Hear hear, Phoenix.

As my friend who lost her little daughter to cancer said, ‘People speaking about their own children doesn’t make my loss any worse. It’s not a ‘reminder‘ of my child because my child is always on my mind anyway.’

Completely agree, just because someone dies, it doesn't turn them into a Saint. I remember meeting a very old lady who lived in our street back in the early 80s when myself and my girls went to deliver a Harvest Festival package to her. She was so grateful and invited us in for a chat. At some point I asked if she had been married. She said "Yes, but he died over 20 years ago". I said "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that". She replied "Oh don't be dear, he was a horrible man"! It still makes me giggle.

Sometimes, in posting what we really feel, albeit in as tactful but as honest a manner as we can, certain people can get upset/offended.
That is neither the fault of the poster nor the reader.
We cannot walk on eggshells but we can and should be honest whilst being measured both in our writing and our reading of posts.
The OP, in this case phoenix was explaining her feelings which, if we are honest, we have all felt in one way or another during our relationships be they DHs or OHs.
To castigate the poster, is to stifle honest comment, not something we should encourage.

Absolutely spot on - especially about the strange idea of the dead suddenly becoming saints.

Some people are ready to be offended by just about anything, sometimes on other people's behalf (when those same 'others' don't mind).

I very much resent being told what I can, and cannot say by some people on here. I like free speech!

Nothing wrong with having a sideways look at life especially if it helps lighten the mood in the midst of a bloody pandemic!

Keep posting, phoenix.

Yes agreed and I’d have thought it was obvious that what you say aBout mr p is “in jest” !

Feelingmyage55 at you remembering the cabbage incident!

I agree with you Phoenix

Well said Phoenix.

Has somebody said something about your posts Phoenix?

I agree Phoenix. I also think that the more loss we experience, the more important it becomes to be realistic, pragmatic but most of all, to find pleasure, joy and humour in the small everyday things (including cabbage). Clearly you feel this too.

Keep on keeping on Phoenix we need your humour at the moment.

Phoenix I do love your posts!!