The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

Consider it done Peardrop ?( and you really have been done at our prices.)

As I'm otherwise indisposed, I shall be sending Hank, a Texan with rippling muscles and a ten gallon hat to Doodle's do Let me know whether he's a hit. He's ready, willing and able to entertain all you laydees. I'm not too sure that he'll survive beyond midnight.

Yee ha. Here I come. I couldn’t rely on the Admiral or Thor to be my trusty steed so I have borrowed Dobbin from Farmer Giles. Seems he doesn’t ride Dobbin much anymore as it hurts his bum.
Hi ho Silver Dobbin. Out of my way everyone we’re coming through. Clear a space at the bar . I have my lasso ready and and am waiting for the first eligible man through the Saloon door.
Giddy up Dobbin. To the bar now ?

Wow! The place is packed, and now to make my entrance as Belle, down the steps, sashaying alluringly and ......aaaarrrrgh!
Arse over tip! How very annoying.
I’ll just limp over to this comfy chair, Thor, a double brandy if you please I have had a shock ( and so have all those who saw my undercarriage.)
You all look amazing, would never have recognised you, especially AGA with a beard.

Have to leave me out of the line dancing, sadly, but I’ll do the karaoke later.Have been practising ‘Ghost Riders In The Sky’ and ‘I Was Born Under A Wandering Star’...and though I say it as shouldn’t, am pretty damn good!

Doodle why are you walking around like John Wayne after a particularly long hard ride ( or shouldn’t I ask?)

I just overheard Hank the Texan say 'Gee, I never did see such a sturdy undercarriage'. What can he mean?

I think it’s a compliment to me Peardrop and he should know, he’s a Texan and they all have big ones there.

Look at the Admiral go! He’s the first on the bucking bronco,
Am very impressed, although he does have a natural advantage.... being used to walking around on deck in rolling seas.
Whoa! There he goes...flying off across the bar, phew, he had a lucky landing on top of AGA and getting up close and personal with her purple bloomers, he’ll be a happy man!

Right my turn for the bucking bronco. Off we go. Yee ha ride em cowgirl. Yee ha. This is great. Look at me lemon. lemon is said look at .......?

Yes, I was looking Doodle and still looking when you flew off and shattered a table and all the drinks on it.Those Able seamen don’t half look cross.

Hot diggety cow girls, Big Jim’s due at the Argy any time soon. Have you got his pressie ready lemon??

Doodle love the stallion you arrived on, that’s style...

??? Strike up the band, Doodle what are you starting with? ???

I thought I’d begin with the theme tune from Rawhide, then a romantic slow number, Once I had a secret love (specially for the Admiral) then a few Dolly Parton numbers. At least that was what I’d intended before I landed head first into spittoon ?. Don’t feel too good now. Will you take over for me please. I’ll just go and sit on the porch in the old rocking chair and chew on my baccy and remember my times in the old Wild West. ?

Take some rest dear Doodle, have a kip on the chaise longue in the cellar. ...you’ll need your sleep, you’ll be centre stage next week at Goth night?❤️

Ahem! The time has come, ladies and gents, to gather round with your drinks, and raise a glass to Big Jim, who, after many years of sterling service, is retiring this evening.We have had some ups and downs during that time and seen all sorts of goings on here in the bar, but throughout it all, Jim has stood tall and proud in the cellar, with only the damp, the mushrooms and marydoll for company.We shall miss him!
We didn’t want to give you a mere card and voucher Jim, but something that will really mean something to you when you sit at home on all those lonely nights.So, without further ado,
Here is your present,ta dah!? a special rock cake from Soop black lacy garters from moi, purple bloomers from AGA a bottle of Devils Brew from Carillion some almost new pair of extra large marigolds from Lins and a mop from Peardrop .......Doodle didn’t forget you, she is giving you her most prized possession, her ginger wig!
Aww, the poor man is in tears, somebody fetch the Kleenex.

Did Big Jim ever find out about Marydoll, the phantom pregnancy and Santa Claus???

Big Jim certainly did know about Santa!
Despite my shocking behaviour, he has stood by me, through thick and thin. Most of it thick!

As I'm hard work at the best of times. He was glad that Santa gave him a break that day I took myself off to meet our beloved and esteemed Soop and her paramour McSporran in Edinburgh.
How many of you have been privileged to meet BOTH Soop and McSporran in the flesh? I can tell you, Soop was certainly showing a lot of flesh that day! .
Her excuse was that her knicker elastic broke! A likely story.
She isn't as innocent as she makes herself out to be, I can tell you!!!!! Hussy springs to mind. I had to fight her off to get Santa all to myself.

However, after forty four years of marriage Big Jim is still madly in love with me. Well. that's what I tell myself, but I really need to see a doctor about these delusions.
At the moment he is lying beside me snoring, a hulking vision of pure manliness (I can still hear him despite the ear plugs).

For those of you who were not at the opening of the very first Argy, Big Jim is in real life my sometimes darling husband.
Happy retirement, James!

Oh no! Retirement means he will be under my feet all day. ? Could you not re-employ him, even on a part time basis?
I think I will start a thread called, My husband is under my feet all day. What should I do, as I want to spend time with my lover, the Admiral?

What a night. I ache all over. I don’t think horse riding is for me. Big Jim certainly had a good send off. Hope he enjoys his retirement. ?
Bit of tidying to do. Anyone want some horse manure for the garden ?
Looking forward to WITBY goth nite next week.

I ache too....that fall down the steps!?
A good time was had by all though...And we are well in profit.

Yes, sad to see Big Jim go, but all life is change....I shall start interviews for cellarmen on Monday ( am looking forward to it already.)
Take care of him marydoll he has given us years of his time and effort in the bar!
The Nespresso machine is on if anyone needs a shot of caffeine.

What time do the interviews start?
I need to drop in and do some light dusting (not),
I do need to check on the barrels of vintage ‘stuff’ though that I’ve been cultivating in the cellar. What are we going to put on the label Lemon?
Haven’t seen lins since she ran off with the John Wayne look-alike and are AGA and Perardrop still sleeping it off?

The admiral was catapulted off the bucking bronco and landed on me. He got more than a glimpse of the purple bloomers and became quite frisky!

I told him to behave so he swaggered away with a gleam in his eye and told me he was going to find lemon doodle and carillion. three of them would you believe! I doubt that the friskiness would have lasted further than the bar, where I found him slumped later with a big grin on his face.
What did you gals do to him?

As I had been jilted I went off in a huff (a bit like an uber)

Hope the huff got you home safely AGA

We force fed the Admiral two pints of poteen, that kept him quiet...and happy.

I need a calm evening with just a glass of milk and a bun after the shenanigans of last night.My bustier and girdle were giving me gip as well.

AGA, you know more than anyone that the Admiral knows how to bounce...I’ll say no more ???

Now get your red lippy, nail varnish, undies and wellies ready...we're off to Whitby next Friday for Goth night ??‍♂️??‍♂️??‍♂️and lemons bringing in ‘stuff’ from Whitby’s Magpie Restaurant...best chippy in the whole world.

Bit of rubbing alcohol on the saddle sore bits after riding across the prairie in pursuit of an able bodied seaman masquerading as a cowboy. Do you need a bit of my rubbing alcohol Doodle? Wasn't the horse that caused the saddle soreness, say no more. Happy to be back in the bar pickling my onions and crocheting a black body stocking ready for goth night in Whitby.