The Old Argy Bargy Bar.....a new lease of life!

Doodle. I don't think he's noticed the teeth in his backside. He told me we are all a pain in the bum for not letting him do a bit of rogering.

He was standing in line behind three muscly matelots hoping to be bitten by Peardrop but she was onto him and told him to find Lemon as she had the biggest teeth.

Oh I had to take them out AGA.....nobody could understand a word I said.
The French matelots were great fun btw after we locked up here last night I met them on the corner and we went on to a little late night drinking den down by the docks, a classy place,called Fat Fred’s.
Well, another success last night? now, what’s happening next week and who is choosing it?

Lemon I saw you sneaking off with those good looking matelots. I notice you didn't invite the rest of us.

The Admiral is very miffed. He saw you go too. He asked me what did those matelots have that he didn't? Having bitten him on the bum I didn't want to hurt his feeling any more so I didn't tell him.

AGA the poor old Admiral. He has always had a thing for lemon . By the way, one of our punters last night to a shine to you too. He wanted to know if you’d meet him during the week at Madam Harlot’s spanking new club (actually it might just have been spanking club ?). I told him your particular services were much in demand here at the Argy. ?

Doodle was he tall dark and handsome? At my age just being a 'he' would be acceptable. Have you been to the spanking club? Sounds like your sort of thing. I think Peardrop goes.
I haven't seen the Admiral all day. I think he is still sulking about Lemon and the matelots.

AGA hard to say what he was like as he was dressed up for goth night but he wasn’t too bad looking. Not been to the spanking club yet. Let me know how you get on.
Must go and check the cellar today. Make sure we haven’t got any stragglers left over sleeping it off ?

Morning all, sorry I have been MIA for a while, I needed recovery time after Friday .......oh what a night!
Anyway, am here now, and still in need of an espresso even after two days!
A spanking cafe you say?Not my sort of thing at all....at least to be on the receiving end, but I could mete it out alright.I’ll investigate the shed, there are a few old bamboo canes there, kept for a rainy day.?
Could use one on you Doodle to encourage you to get cleaning if you like?

Did Carillion nominate anyone to choose this week’s theme night by any chance?We need to know as soon as poss.

Btw, the Admiral has a ‘thing’ for any woman he comes into contact with, age no barrier!?

I noticed that Achilles, Thor, and Kev all had bitemarks on their necks on Friday night, carpe jugulam ( I think it was Peardrop wot dunnit.)?

Doodle the spanking club wasn't much fun. Much more goes on at the Argy so I will carry on propping up the bar there.

Achilles, Thor and Kev were in A & E today getting their tetanus jabs after all the biting. I knew I shouldn't have got my teeth out of a skip.

I love reading this thread. You are all wonderfully crazy, and funny, and your imaginary friends and cellar men ??

?Imaginary? Whatever can you mean Puzzler ??
Be that as it may, you are very welcome to the bar ( as long
As you are a cash paying customer) ....AGA puts old buttons in the till and thinks I won’t notice!?

Just pull out a bar stool and hop on, Thor will be along to service you ( thoroughly) in a minute.?

I shall be down in the cellar with Achilles if anyone needs me
( more than him) he doesn’t like tapping his barrels all alone.
The cellar is a bit creepy to be honest, and could do with a good clean.I will take a basket with me to harvest the mushrooms........pigeon and mushroom pie on the menu tomorrow.

I didn't think Lemon knew it was me paying with old buttons. I will try Monopoly money in future.

Puzzler I need help propping up this bar. It is getting heavy.

I think they are TOADSTOOLS Lemon. Are you trying to poison us all? Don't answer that!

I know everything that goes on in this bar AGA and don’t you forget it ....and thanks for the tip off about monopoly money, I may try that when I pay the brewery.
They are magic mushrooms btw, and a very popular snack with our clientele!???????

I wondered why they were all queuing up for seconds/thirds of your pigeon and mushroom pie Lemon.

I think carillion said Lins could choose the next theme night but I haven’t seen her here in the last few days. I have noticed some bottles missing from the bar so perhaps she’s having her own private party.
puzzler why are you hanging around in the doorway? You’ll be getting us a bad reputation. Especially with that red light shining behind you. Lovely heels and suspenders by the way ?
Don’t you go using that cane on me lemon, I’ve been doing all the cleaning on my own. I’ve got chewing gum stuck on all the chairs. I think carillion was using it to hold her teeth in.
I’m sitting down now for a pint and a bag of pork scratchings. AGA if you’re going to prop up the bar can you try holding it level. My pint keeps sliding away from me ?

I'm hoping the cleaning is all done so it's safe to come in, not that I'm lazy, just allergic to all cleaning products.
I made £7. 3s. 6d, two gold buttons and packet of wrigleys from parking fines on Friday night. The wrigleys stuck my vampire teeth to the roof of my mouth, had to drink two pints of gin to dissolve it. Not looking for sympathy but hoping Puzzler has stuck around to buy me a drink or at least a piece of Lemons latest earthy pie. AGA I'm sure Lemon has started putting your buttons straight from the till in to her pies. I nearly choked. Have you still got the other walkie talkie Doodle? That was fun come in Doodle.

Hi peardrop . I think we should keep these walkie talkies. We could let each other know if there are any attractive men around or if lemon’s on the warpath. How does that sound to you. Over and out.

I can hear you y’know!?
Right Peardrop you can choose this weeks theme nite for Friday, so get choosing!

£7.3s.6d you say....hmmm not a bad haul.?
You can guess who put the buttons in (up to her old tricks again).
You will be pleased to know that the bar takings for last Friday
Were through the roof! Twenty five guineas.
Doodle will you sweep up all those vampire fangs littering the floor, one set attached itself to my ankle earlier.

I think you’ll find the Admiral is still attached to the other end lemon. You’ve been dragging him round the floor all night ?