If you feel you need a laugh (and who doesn't at the moment) ...

Fun thread - anything that makes me laugh out loud at the moment is a sure winner! Thank you OP.
When my son was at (a rather posh) primary school, they were talking about pocket money/money boxes - the teacher took great delight in telling me he’d told everyone that his was now empty as mummy had used it to pay the milkman!
I laughed it off and never let on that I actually had

When I was about 6, we had to share on Mondays what exciting things we'd done at the weekend.
I said I'd been at the local pub and my best friend who lived a few doors down from us said she'd been dancing at the Hammersmith Palais ( London dance hall and entertainment venue)
Fortunately, the teacher worked out that I had only been to the pub shop for an ice lolly and my friend was allowed to watch her dad for a wee while from backstage at the Hammersmith Palais as he was the drummer in Joe Loss's band.
Our parents were mortified.

My DH always tells the story of when he was at school and was asked to write about his family. His Dad was a settling accountant for a well-known betting organisation at the time. His mum was a "stay-at-home" mum in North London. What he wrote was: "My Dad goes to the races and my Mum's in Holloway"!!!!!

I was at my friend's house having a coffee, when she asked if I'd like one of her home-made mince pies. Her young daughter quickly chipped in with "I wouldn't if I were you. Have you seen what's under her fingernails?"

We also had the cringing 'first hair cut' memory - I'd married a younger man- and our son was about 2 then- he screamed when sat in barbers chair so had to be appeased by a happy meal,but also sat on a knee throughout- the lady barber said " aw youre much happier on your big brothers knee arent you?" Her face was a picture when i icily told her "it is his dad! "

Ive had that confusion too inishowen- it was in a medical report for my son,(by then aged 15) that his gran had attended- as i had my youngest at almost 40! - (hes now 17)thing is im still youngish-looking for my age! Must have needed my roots done maybe.

On my first ever work placement I was asked to call a kennels to book in my bosses dog. Unfortunately I didn’t twig what the problem was until the end of this conversation (see if you get it) it went roughly like this:

M: ‘Hello, I need to book a place for one dog please’
‘Sure. What name please?’
M: Iona Colley’
‘Ok, but can I have the name please?’
M: The dog’s name?’
‘Not yet. Owner’s name please’
M : Iona Colley’
‘Yes, but could I have the name please’
M: I don’t know the dog’s name, sorry’
‘No, the owner’s name.’
M: (slowly) I-Ona- Co-lley’
‘Yes. I’ve got that but I need the owner’s name, please!’
M: Iona -ohhhhh.’

This went on and on with me getting desperate until it finally twigged. In ace you missed it too, my bosses name was Iona Colley, which when not written down, and only heard over the phone...had me repeating over and over Everytime she asked for the owner’s name: I own a Collie. Sigh

Ian Hislop's son's short clip on 'clapping Thursday' is very funny. Try googling that if you want a laugh.

Thankyou Jabberwok! We're sure / hoping , it's nothing too serious.

Years ago when my granddaughter was tiny we took her away for a few days and stayed in a bed and breakfast accommodation. On the first morning when sitting in the dining room waiting for breakfast no one speaking at that moment. My granddaughter said in a loud voice. Grandma I don’t like the curtains! do you? That certainly got us all chatting.

I was trying to teach my boisterous toddler daughter that she had to tone her behaviour with old people. She asked what old people look like and I told her. Later that day we were in a shop, there was one other customer, my DD went up to her, held her arm as she ask "Mum is this an old lady?" Floor please open up!!

Another time we were in a ground floor flat when my 4 year old nephew came in bouncing a large ball. "Shshsh!" I said "you'll be disturbing the people underneath!"
"Are they dead?" he asked!!!

When my daughter was only small we stood in a queue in a fruiterers and the person in front smelt terrible. I was wishing we would get served soon as the smell got worse. Suddenly my daughter shouted “Mam, have you just f***ed”. I went bright red and she just wouldn’t shut up. Even going on to say that it smelt like poo! I was so glad when we got out of that shop.

Several of these posts remind me of one of my favourite sayings, heard on the radio years and years ago... 'Don't know what I've said till I know what you have heard'....

When the teacher asked the class to write a story about their family holiday my son decided to write about a shopping trip and said that mum and dad had bought a new vibrator, to this day I really don’t know what it was meant to be but parents evening was a bit embarrasing!

Pearlsaminger - I was laughing at your name before I even read the story which is very funny too. (That song is going to be stuck in my head all day now).

My daughter attended school many years ago and one lesson was 'dresses through the ages'. She told her teacher that her mum (me, aged 34) wore crinoline dresses like everyone in those days.

CrazyH. What an awful worrying time for you and your family. I do hope the news is good and that your worries were unfounded.
I was about six, and walking along the riverbank with my mother when we bumped into the bank manager! After exchanging the usual pleasantries, he bent down and said hello to me! I apparently refused to answer under any circumstances ! When later I was admonished for my bad manners, I replied that she had taught me me never to talk to a stranger!! Not much you could say to that really!!

I had spent 10 and a half hours birthing my daughter. I was shattered and was lying in bed staring at this little human that now belonged to me.

The nurse came in and said ‘Can I borrow your son?’ Must admit I was a bit annoyed as she knew I’d had a girl and puzzled as to why she wanted to borrow her.

‘I don’t have a son, I have a daughter’ I replied.

She burst out laughing at me, which annoyed me even more.

‘Not your son,’ she said, ‘your Sun...’ as she picked up my newspaper... ‘I want to check my bingo numbers...’

A friend went to the nurse for a blood test,when he suddenly shouted scratch,the nurse was very puzzled and asked why he shouted scratch,his reply you said shout scratch, he's a bit hard of hearing and what she actually said was sharp scratch

I recently saw an acquaintance while at the shops and we chatted (socially distanced) for a while. The conversation got around to coping with lockdown and I remarked that it is all so surreal, like being in a film at times!
“Oh, yes” she said, “The Acropolis” ??

Lovely to have a giggle. The only TV programme I laugh out loud at is "Would I lie to you".

Still cannot stop laughing after reading your post!

When my two older sisters were tots, they were playing and one fell and hit her head on the hearth. An ambulance came and took them off to hospital where my sister told the nurse that my mum did it. The police arrived at the house to investigate when they got home and she then told them my dad was in prison. Luckily they believed my mum and dad that it had been an accident. She is still the same today embellishing every story but not in the way that gets you in trouble.

This is one I heard Gloria Hunniford tell. She was a small child and a visitor came to the house. Gloria kept staring at her. The woman asked what she was looking at. Gloria replied, Mummy said you had two faces, but I only see one. Dont know how her mother got out of that!

My own story, again as a small child. Mum was chatting to a lady from church. I piped up "why does the lady have hairy legs"? My poor mum!

One more. I took my granddaughter to ballet. She asked her friends mum if she was a mummy or a granny! The lady was about 40.

Wrong thread Beanie