Have you a friend you secretly hate,

That's it exactly Terri . I feel as though I am just listening to some of them. They rarely enquire as to our lives.

I've never said I hate anyone. Hate's a strong word. I prefer to say I don't like someone.
I ought to say I hate my ex husband but I don't but that's another story.

I don’t have any friends either oopsadaisy3 . Call me Gilly-no-mates

I don't have many (from choice). Most of mine are ex colleagues who have kept in touch.

No - I try not to hate anyone (well, maybe the !!!!!! who robbed my 98 year old mother of her precious jewellery las year, but as I don’t know him - and it was a he as he was seen but not caught - I can’t hate him, only what he did.

I once had what I would call a “toxic” friend. I met her when I first started work at 18 and she took me under her wing (she was three years older). She went on to work elsewhere but we still kept in touch for several years, meeting up once a month or so. Our evenings would always start out Ok but as time went on (and after a glass or two of wine) she would start to turn a bit nasty. There were no ‘direct’ comments just put downs about my weight/partner/job etc. I think she was jealous because when she left the place we both worked at I got a significant promotion and she regretted leaving as it was possible that she would have been offered the job. After a few years I just stopped seeing her - no explanation but just didn’t return her calls or emails. I haven’t seen her for years now and wouldn’t want to. Luckily, it’s extremely unlikely that I would ever bump into her. If I did, I would be pleasant then make my exit as quickly as I could.

To hate a friend is an oxymoron?
I don’t ‘hate’ anyone I know, even my irritating next door neighbour. Dislike perhaps and occasionally loathe! I have a really good friend, very wealthy, married to an equally wealthy husband, who irritates me no end when I hesitate to buy, for example a dress or some make up on the grounds that it’s expensive & I really can’t afford it, by saying of course you can, you’ve got pots of money - far more than I have. (I don’t). She who has a holiday home on a Mediterranean island, goes on at least 3 cruises a year (not this year ) and buys clothes like they're going out of fashion.
Most friends irritate at times and I’m sure I do my own amount of irritating

No, but I do have one that irritates me often ?
Her, her husband and their daughter all have health issues and sometimes it seems that's all she can talk about.
She has a heart of gold and we have been friends since our girls were at play school together.

gillybob.....welcome to the no mates club!

I don't hate anybody plus I've got no friends! No there are people I don't particularly like such as a former colleague who pretends to be your friend only to talk about you behind your back. Lovely!

Y es, BlueSky - I totalling know where you’re coming from. I don’t have any friends now either and if you’ve read my previous post you’ll know I lost what I perceive was my ‘best’ friend. In turn, it turns out she wasn’t, but I’ve moved on. She wasn’t my ‘best friend’, I realise that now. We all need to move forward. Sending you hugs and I hope you will send them back because I’ll certainly need them!. x

Sorry about the repeat “in turn “

Totally daft question if I had a friend I didn’t like there is no way I would continue to have that friendship
Hate and friend don’t fit in the same sentence

I don't think I've ever hated anyone - inanimate objects maybe but people no

I also have no friends nearby so only get irritated by one whose life is lived on FB and looks so wonderful to outsiders - in reality I know she hasn't had the easiest of family lives and some of it is a facade.

Of course not.

I have few close friends - I don't have the energy to develop friendships.
I don't like the word hate although I have strongly disliked one or two folk.
My best friend irritated me enormously sometimes by talking endlessly about her grandchildren but I loved her.
Why would you be friends with someone whom you hate?

I’m reminded of a sentence at the beginning of The Country Girls (Edna O’Brien) when describing Baba.
‘She was my best friend and I hated her.’

Oh Freeandeasy friends who needs them?? Glad you managed to ditch her. The one I mentioned was and is so false, not just with me but with everybody. In work couldn't be avoided but now like you I don't keep in touch and if I do see her, with her fake kisses, I tell her as little as possible. Hugs back to you Freeandeasy

Gilly, Bluesky freeandeqsy we could set up a Nanny no mates club! Although I guess then that we would have mates?
Hmm a conundrum.......

We have been friends with another couple for 45 years. The woman is mildly annoying at times but the husband is such a lovely man. He would help anyone out , he is charming, attentive, generous and I can’t think of a nicer man. My husband hates him. He now won’t go to any events he is at, won’t have them in our house and the mere mention of his name infuriates him. I remain friends with them and see them on my own, which can be very awkward. I can only think my DH is jealous of him.

Omg I also have a “ friend “ like this . We have been “ Friends “ for 38 years she knows all my secrets etc etc, not sure that I know hers but that’s fine .
However ,During this Lockdown period - she hasn’t once contacted me , I have made a point of contacting people I phone .
So when I felt down in the middle of lockdown & we had messaged each other I messaged her telling her how down I was feeling . Also I mentioned some other family stuff .
Her one response was not to pick up the phone as I would of done But to message me back with what I would call a “ Pick yourself up “ message not ideal & certainly not what I expected from someone I classed as a “ friend” certainly .
I don’t even bother to respond & Yet still no telephone call .
It’s probably time to pull the plug I feel .
In my message to her I mentioned how my DD was having to cope with her job ( NHS) 3 Children & House Etc Etc without her Hisband . Her response to that was “ Have they Split up” As I didn’t respond she still doesn’t know the answer , which is that he has had to Shield sue to having a compromised immune system & is staying with his Mum some 40miles away!!!!!
Again she knows my DD has known her since she was 5 years old .
I get to know or hear about every little thing her perfect GS’s do .
Ok over now

Jane10, been there, taken same actions. Can do without people like that.

Oh yes! One of our 'girls' group is bigoted, rude and generally nasty. I can't stand her, but others in the group are more tolerant. I put up with her otherwise I will lose their friendship.

Well, hate is much too strong a word, but I do have a local friend who is irrritating; - so much so that don't think I really want to see her any more. I'm not exaggerating when I say that every conversation is about herself and her problems.
And she takes no account of my bad back. If I say it's bad today so can we please just sit down somewhere she takes absolutely no notice and insists we walk through the woods, or wherever. I've seen very little of her through the lockdown until recently and now she's even more annoying, talking about her Covid experiences continually.
And yet I am aware that I don't have a lot of friends, and she can be kind hearted sometimes, but is it worth it I wonder.

Hate is such a strong word. I can honestly say I don’t hate anybody, although there are some people that I despise. However, why call somebody a friend if you ‘hate’ or even just ‘dislike’ them.

i used to tolerate people to a fault, including family members and friends.Around 10 years ago i realised i was a people pleaser,the result ,I cleared out these people,i now have fewer friends, but my life is calmer and generally better.A friend recently complemented me on my resolve and said they wish they could the same!