Potty training

I sympathise OP, and am astonished at the health visitor's attitude. I can tell you that preschools and reception classes certainly do mind. We are not staffed for pottytraining, nor do we have the facilities. With a ratio of 2 adults to 30 in reception, , how on earth can we leave the class to do that?
My heart would sink when I showed children round in huge nappies. Why can't parents take some responsibility?

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Both my daughters were out of (terry) nappies shortly after they were two. I was heartily fed up with the festering nappy bucket. I bought them pretty knickers as a bit of a bribe and it was easy. Obviously a few accidents, but no problems. I do worry about the landfill with disposable nappies, but my four grandchildren all wore them and I understood why when I looked after them!

feeling slightly disgusted by healthy older child in nappy.

Good grief - no wonder many people grow up to be disgusted by their own bodies - no doubt subconsciously rubbed in by our approach to normal body function.

It really doesn't matter what age we do or do not 'potty' train - I find the word sums up the attitude tbh.

Old ways aren't always the best and they are often based in 'controlling' children until they become controlled adults.

I agree with Elaine1, I was the "lazy" daughter in law apparently when I wasn't interfering mother in laws are still about I' see, not good ladies just but out and leave this woman to work it out her way.

I was a Mum in the nineties and there was a lot of competitiveness among mums about whose toddler was potty trained first. At that time, the majority of playgroups/pre schools wouldn't take children till they were out of nappies. I still struggled with potty training with DD1 who was very bright and ahead on milestones such as crawling and walking. I remember she was due to start play group in the September and just about made it out of nappies in the July/August - the situation really stressed me out and she really needed the stimulation of playgroup. DD2, five years younger, had all sorts of developmental issues (dyspraxia, autism etc although we didn't know that at the time). Fortunately, I found another playgroup who were happy to take her in nappies because she definitely wouldn't have been dry in time. Between the lovely staff there and DH and me we eventually got her dry. With hindsight, I know that both would have got there in there own time. A bit of encouragement yes but I really don't feel all this judgement on little ones not being out of nappies by a certain age is helpful.

It doesn't matter what age they are, no child is the same and they will do it at their own pace. It is up to DIL to make the decision and i believe grandparents are there for support when asked but not to intervene. It can cause friction and fall out and not worth it. I would wait before saying anything

I was surprised to find out that some school nursery class children turn up still in nappies, and the Nursery staff are left to toilet train them. Nappies are expensive so I don't really understand why parents are leaving their children in them for so long. My children were out of nappies at 18 months and using a potty then asking for the toilet.. It wasn't hard to train them really. I don't think you can do much about it to be honest, especially if you don't have any day to day care of your grandchild.

I left my boys until they were around 3 1/2 and it took no time at all. My friend on the other hand had no qualms about whipping a potty out in the middle of the bank for a wee. As she was training earlier. A nightmare

My daughters seemed to train themselves in an odd way. I got a little step up to the loo and they both were dry before they were one

My son was a different story.

When he was about 3 I read some article about putting a ping pong ball in the loo and asking them to aim

Worked like a treat

My daughters were dry before they were 2 not 1 ;-)

My daughter had potties in each room and used a "reward" chart. This together with some Peppa Pig knickers (that my granddaughter wanted but was told she could only wear when she became a "big girl") worked a treat. Admittedly over the lockdown there have been one or two "accidents" but considering the changes in routine of no nursery, daddy being home, no overnights at Nanas, I think she has done very well for a three year old

Certainly the bucket full of dirty nappies and the fact that I had to boil then hand wash them stopped me being lazy, eldest daughter around 2 and dry during the day very quickly. I understand where you are coming from Joolz but as its not going to get you thanked I should just leave it and let them sort themselves out.

Dil is working while DS is still furloughed so he is primary carer for now. Yesterday he sent a video of 14 month-old handing him the changing mat then fetching the changing bag. Only the second time he's done this but a good sign that he's ready to start.
I'm a great believer in letting them run around the garden with no nappy. This is the ideal time of year for that!
They then quickly become aware of a wee!

Whilst I agree that parents have every right to do things their own way, as long as it is not harming the child or anyone else, I think this is an issue that is legitimately debatable because it affects school staff.
If there is a physical or psychological reason for the delay in toilet training then that is a totally different story and they should be seeking help.
However it sounds as though the mother is just leaving it up to others to do her job. And it sounds as though the Health visitor is doing the same as she should be encouraging and supporting the mother to do the training.
Primary teachers, who have done several years of comprehensive training are now getting 5 year olds in school still in nappies and are expected to deal with this. . Some parents are devolving more and more responsibility onto the teachers which should be theirs.
In this time of the pandemic in particular I find it very selfish and irresponsible of parents to expect other people to have such close contact with their children, and in fact I'm surprised that the preschool is prepared to do it.
Again I stress that I know there are children with special needs who will need to be changed and who have every right to expect this.
It just makes my blood boil, being involved with 3 primary schools and knowing how much parental responsibility is pushed onto school staff these days.

Is the little boy interested in being dry? My 6 year old GS was not interested in anything 'down there'. Possibly to do with Down Syndrome. While she has been working from home, my DD has worked with him and he is now very pleased with himself being 'clean' during the day. He loves the praise he gets. Nights are a different matter, but Rome was not built in a day.

think of the planet and the landfill of all those disposable nappies! It's irresponsible. It is the downside of that technology. Both mothers and babies wanted to get out of using terry-towelling nappies quick. And no, there is no point you having a go it will not help - just off load to us. You are right. they are wrong.

I should stop speed reading, I thought you said your Grandson was thirty one and a half and not yet potty trained ! That made me concentrate !

When my son was 2 we had a lovely summer. I bought a little paddling pool and potty. I let him run around in a little pair of swimming trunks. So no worries about accidents. And didnt feel any pressure. We both had a lovely week and he was totally potty trained in a week. Might be worth suggesting something like that to her.

I realise I should apologise for being sexist!! It is BOTH parents responsibility to tolet train their child!

I am going to shock you all. This is not about me or my family but about my friend's children. They did not receive any potty training at all and were sent to school at 6 and 7 still wearing nappies. It took ridicule from other children to shock them into asking their parents to potty train them.

Nurseries are no longer allowed to discriminate in any way, so a small child wearing nappies is allowed, even if not quietly disapproved of these days. Unfortunately school nurseries, such as the one I taught in for several years, really don’t have the required facilities or staff to change nappies, although they will never leave a child in a dirty nappy.
To be honest, I wouldn’t say anything joolz I would leave it to the mother to sort out potty training, unless asked for an opinion, don’t give one.

Nowadays there is more emphasis on recognising the signs of when a child is ready for potty changing rather than using age as the guide. Many people start when their children are younger and find they fail or regress. This makes children and parents nervous of trying again.
There is a lot of fear about letting a child run around naked which also stops people trying. Lots of parents work really long hours and find it difficult to maintain a steady regime. This lockdown has been the best thing for my grandson who is 4 and been allowed to run free without pants in order to start the training process. As he is ASD, we were advised to go with the flow as any resistance from him could lead to a life long problem.
Personally, I potty trained early but I think what my children choose to do with their children is their business.

Don't disposable nappies have a lining that always feels dry? If the child doesn't feel uncomfortably wet, why would they bother to become potty trained?