Potty training

Whether it is you DiL or your daughter (or Son/SiL) the rules are, they're their children - their rules. Step over this line and you might get your fingers burned. It is very frustrating at times when you think that your advice might make life easier for them but never give it voluntarily - wait until you are asked.

I agree with parents being less motivated to begin potty training now. The friend I mentioned earlier had a daughter who wasn’t out of nappies until almost 5. The daughter was traumatized by being laughed at by other children at school for being a baby for wearing nappies so late. That friend is being more proactive with her son now, at 3, beginning potty training

I would say that unless there is a physiological reason, leaving a child in nappies at almost 5 is bordering on abuse. Totally different if there is a physical reason of course.

It’s their child, their decisions.

Young mums rely on advice from the HV a lot these days, rather than their own DM or DMiL, who know nothing. My DGC was part-trained from 2 yrs but just couldn't be bothered - lots more interesting things to do! - so went to nursery in nappies. At 3 1/2 yrs, I guess felt different from little friends, decided to give up nappies and use the toilet. All very relaxed and much more so than the constant trekking to the potty/toilet with younger ones. I have to be honest, I didn't approve at the time but it worked out fine. I'm learning to keep quiet!

Kids will be ready to potty train when they decide to.
I tried at 2.5 y.o. and it was a disaster.
At 3, my dd woke up and decided no more diapers. Done in 1 day.

This is not about diapers. It is way beyond that.

It is about your opinion of dil being lazy - you show no respect for her and he parenting
AND
The father of the kids-YOUR SON- is not mentioned at all - very role oriented backward thinking.

Back off. You are not the parent. You have 0 input in how your gc is raised. You had your turn when your son was a child.

You have no call on this matter and you are over worrying about something that is not important at all.

Get a hobby. Mention this to your dil, tell her what you think of her and it will damage your relationship

Don't disposable nappies have a lining that always feels dry? If the child doesn't feel uncomfortably wet, why would they bother to become potty trained?

tattygran14, you are quite right and nowadays they advise that if you are getting the signs that potty training is imminent, they recommend you put a pair of pants on under the nappy so the child can feel the dampness.

My GS was the same. But when he went to pre-school he realised the other kids weren't in nappies and demanded big boy pants. Just like that! Don't stress about it, things are different these days and we just have to go along with it for the sake of harmony.

Why is it several decades ago, longer in fact, children were toilet trained about 2 years old. Now it seems about 4 if nit older. Nevermind the night time training. Acknowledging some children are behind others on the task it now seems the norm is later the better and very unusual (must have been pressured) if before 4 years old. Someone once told me widespread use of disposable nappies helps keep a child comfortable where as before the terry nappies when wet or soiled were very cumbersome and uncomfortable hastening the want to be "big" and wear pants. May be something in the theory.

I use cloth diapers and some of my friend's kids got potty trained 6 months earlier than my daughter.

There are more factors than the diapers

My gs was certainly dry and in pants by the time he started nursery school at 3. However he had several accidents in the first couple of weeks and a note came home from nursery informing us that if the accidents continued he would forfeit his place. Luckily he got over his nervousness about using the strange toilet and all was well. This is a state nursery attached to the local primary school.

It makes me cringe to think how late children are being potty trained now, but then I look back and remember my son was 12 before he was reliably dry at night, and he didn't care at all!

Yes, I remember those horrible plastic pants over the terry nappies.

My grand-son is three and still wears nappies. I mentioned this to my daughter once or twice and even bought a musical potty for him to sit on. Daughter banished that to the back of cupboard. He will go to nursery in September and my daughter said they are good with the children they will soon help him.
The two older children started nursery before they were three and were almost out of wearing nappies, so at nursery they learnt quickly and soon started wearing knickers.
I know my daughter doesn't want me to interfere in how she sees fit to parent so I leave her to it. My three were all out of nappies by the time they were three. My son took a bit longer to be dry at nights he was getting on for four.
The mothers do things different these days.

Don’t get involved - it will cause friction between you both. It’s not worth the aggro and you’ve got to get along with DIL and not risk falling out. Ps she does sound lazy!!

Kids of three and four in nappies!!!! LANDFILL people. It’s not telaxed...it’s idleness!

OP I think it’s unimportant compared to other potential effects on his development. If your daughter in law was so lazy she couldn’t be bothered with him, put him in front of the TV all day and didn’t engage with him I’d be far more worried than if she left his potty training late.

My children were born in the 1990s. At that time girls were generally clean and dry in the day around their second birthday and boys around 2 1/2. My younger son and daughter confirmed to this. My oldest son is autistic (although we didn't realise it at the time) and was dry day night just before his third birthday. I was horrified at the time thinking he was terribly late. Compared with previous generations ours were late. I have been told there is a window of opportunity for readiness, too. I am afraid l also think that leaving toilet training to three four or even older is sheer laziness unless, as with my older son, they have a disability. It is surely wrong to leave it to leave it to others to do your job, too.

Also, twenty plus years ago , we were told that no child goes to school in nappies. It seems that these days far too many of them do.

Perhaps buy your grandson a picture book on potty training. I bought my granddaughter one that said about babies wearing nappies but big girls don't. It also had a button that made the noise of a toilet flushing which she found really amusing.
She was just starting to get potty trained before the lockdown she's fully dry now.
Other than that I'd bite my lip. She's his mum and will do what she thinks fit so best not to interfere

I left potties all around the house and my daughter was trained very early. She started bedwetting around 4 and health visitor told me it was probably because I had rushed her too early!
You cant win. I would let DIL make her own decisions

Remember my older aunt seeing my son still in nappies at two plus. Saying why? So sorted it through day. Still had on at night. Had read baby book advice Penelope leach. Telling me wait for them to be dry. Me working night shifts. Husband just went meh and removed. He was fine!

presumably your son is the child's father is he lazy too ?

My son wanted to "stand up like daddy" so we got him a step ,nowadays you can buy little urinal shaped potties to hang on your bathroom wall for boys .Copying daddy was so important to my boy it might be all it takes for your GS

My DS is 7. I tried toilet training him at 2. (Does anyone still call it potty training?) I tried at 3. At 4 he was mostly dry during the day, but still in pull-ups at night. At 7 we still occasionally get accidents. (For the record, DS was born preterm, with IUGR. There have been several physical delays. (No cognitive ones, though) He always catches up eventually. )

If my MIL had said I was being lazy, there would have been fireworks for sure.

Make very sure you know what's going on before you start blaming people. Maybe there is an issue she has chosen not to share with you. Even if there isn't, it still isn't your business. It's definitely considered normal these days to wait until a child is 3 before toilet training.

silverlining48

Elaine I think its a general discussion about how things have changed re potty training.
No one is being 'horrible' about daughter in laws. I dont have a dil though was one, but I have to be very careful suggesting anything to my daughter. Its never received well. So to the OP its a no win situation.

Calling the DILs lazy and implying that they don’t do enough, while implying they are ruining the grandchildren isn’t being horrible??

I’d certainly be offended if my MIL had talked about me like that.

This conversation might be about potty training, but the main focus is putting down lazy mothers and how they did it better