Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

You have to make an effort to join things and it is best on your own as you get accepted more readily. Be patient and let people come to you. Be friendly smile and it will come. This is a two way thing. In lockdown people were getting in touch but there was nothing much to say at first. Then one day I c ounted the amount of people that contacted me and was pleased at the outcome. Paths for all is a walking group that is a short walking programme with a cuppie after. Keep your chin up.

I think it's largely a matter of luck, whether you click with someone, no matter how smiley and outgoing you are.

My best friend for years I met when I went to peg some washing out, and another was originally a Facebook friend of my ex.

It's just the same as following advice to find a partner. Some do. Some don't meet the right one, ever.

Have you thought about joining U3A? There are plenty of groups in various towns and village. Within the local groups there are a number of different interest groups - for instance in our U3A there is family history, a golf group, book clubs, singing group, walking groups, antique collectibles, French, German, engineering heritage, various craft groups etc etc. People are free to start interest groups if they wish. Google your local town U3A and see what they do.

If we are allowed to say which county we live in on here do you think it might start some friendships up?
We could then move on to any hobbies to see if anyone living near to us likes the same things?
What do you think?

Kandinsky Yes the same for me.

Willow 73 That's a good idea. I don't see any reason why people can't publish the area where they live.

I moved house when I retired and knew that I would have to start again where friendships were concerned. Do you remember Cathy and Clare from the Jackie magazine? I did a sort of problem page analysis on myself and wrote a list of everything I was even remotely interested in. From church to art and reading groups and volunteering on a helpline. After about a year I realised there was something every day which was too much and dropped a couple of things. The things I do now are enough to structure my week. Not everyone I see is a friend as such. Many will pretty much always be acquaintances but there are a few gems and I find I am included in people’s arrangements which is nice. I also plan things and do the running around so I am part of what is happening. I am widowed so evenings are often on my own but that’s when I volunteer or go to night school classes.
Don’t lose heart. Set yourself some easily achievable goals, there are lots of free/ cheap activities that you can take part in, like ramblers or choirs. Friendships come from shared interests. ?

Gosh! How sad some of these comments are. I only joined Gransnet yesterday and this is the first thread that I have read right through, and I am surprised by the comments some of those very lucky people have made, that I don't think are especially kind or fair. Maybe Kandinsky is shy, or lacks confidence, and I'm sure she never implied at all that she expected everyone else to search her out to be friends! I wonder how many sociable, outgoing people have been lucky enough to be in the right place at the right time when it comes to making friends? I live in an area where there are very few clubs etc, and I don't drive, and those few clubs or groups I could join, I can't because there is no suitable public transport . I have even made it known that if anyone is able to transport me, I would happily pay the petrol / drinks etc, but to no avail. I find I am getting less comfortable socially as I get older, in large part because of my lack of success. I have very little confidence in myself, yet I am not particularly shy. I have joined WI - I tried to talk to people at my first meeting, but it was cliquey with ladies who lived near each other and socialised outside WI, and I ended up giving up because I was so uncomfortable, spending the rest of the meeting sitting alone and no one even spoke to me! I joined a U3A bookclub, but no one really wants to do anything other than discuss the book then leave. Making friends is indeed a two-way thing, but you cannot assume Kandinsky hasn't already done more than her share of trying to start the ball rolling, but to no avail. And if she is shy, or has mental health issues, suggesting throwing a party is terrifying, even assuming she can afford to get in caterers, because in my experience, if you do your own catering, it can be very stressful, and the hostess spends all her time seeing to her guests, whilst everyone else is happily socialising - all that does is reinforce the loneliness! Incidentally, I have 5 children and a wonderful husband, so believed I didn't really need friends as I was a devoted homemaker! Oh how I learnt! Now all left home and have their own lives a distance away, and my husband is more than happy pottering round the house and doesn't wish to go out and be particularly sociable. I enjoy his company, and my own, but I would still like a good friend who could chat with me, support me, laugh with me, cry on her shoulder, share my joys, and vice versa, as an equal, not as a one-sided relationship or user. Whether you have family or not, I don't see it's relevant, when you are feeling lonely for a friend! And some people are clearly lucky to have a best friend they grew up with or had their babies at the same time, but again, I'm not lucky enough. My best friend at school was Chinese (I went to boarding school) and when we left school and she returned to China, our only communication was snail mail, and without any likelihood of ever seeing each other again, it eventually stopped. I got married and had children when I was young and the few friends I had were single and out night-clubbing, and when I became single again, everyone else seemed to be settling down and having children, then I moved,etc etc. I've even tried finding support groups for people in the same situation. I think the world is becoming too insular these days. When was the last time you saw neighbours chatting over the fence? Happened all the time back in the day, but now, everyone is just trying to survive the mad rush of modern life! Sorry, rant over!

It might be worth looking at 'meetup' to find local groups, for those who want to put themselves "out there".
(I went to a meet up, but then found I'd been cast out of the group, which was something of a relief, to be honest)

Apart from my husband,daughter and her family I have only one friend left.Sadly my other friends have died,and I’m not that old,only 66!
I really miss my friends,especially one who died more than 20 years ago.We could tell each other anything, no judgements given,she was so very very special,but I’ve never found any replacements for any of my friends.
I am quite shy and others have said I’m not easy to get to know as I don’t give out much information.And I’m a listener rather than a talker.
Oh I miss my friends....

To those saying join your local church - I did that, volunteered to help out with record keeping, attended for several years - then I had to contact them to say I was unable to continue as I was unwell - I have heard nothing from any of my "friends" since.

How sad and disappointeing Oldwoman. Shame on them.

What I have realised through lockdown is that some of the people I thought were friends are really only just people who do the things I do. I have made contact with them but because the things we do together aren't happening we didn't really connect. On the other hand some people I thought of as just acquaintances have proved themselves really supportive friends. Including my much younger next door neighbour who has just gone through a real personal tragedy but has been so good. My DS says that because people are doing very little they have very little to talk about and perhaps that's true. Perhaps we need to recognise that real friendship is as special as love and it doesn't happen very often.

Exactly that.

Oldwoman I heard similarly from a patient in a local authority nursing home I used to visit with my therapy dog. She told me she had attended and worked for her church for many years and was so sad nobody from the church ever came to see her.

Miss Adventure, I guess this might possibly happen to me too. I am unconventional and can be unguarded only in the company of other unconventional people.

I don't have a single friend either, but that's my choice. My experiences with other people have caused me to realise that I'm better off on my own.

My daughter's next door neighbour was (and no doubt still is!) blind, but had a very active social life through the church.

One day she asked my daughter how she was, but ended up crying herself, as her guide dog had retired, and she had been months with no contact from anyone to ask how she was.

Without her dog she literally was housebound.

Cast out of a group!! Would you want to be friends with such horrible people.

Alexa
I would sooner dig a hole, jump in, and bury myself than get dolled up for a 60's disco and buffet.
Perhaps they realised this by the look on my face when told it was next on the agenda.

KerryS, I have attended and led U3A groups for about twenty years. I made two actual friends in all that time, and one of them is deceased.

Somebody else, a man, and also a woman, made overtures to me but I did not care for their company.

Strange thing is the two friends I made have very different personalities, however their levels of scepticism and political leanings were the same. So there has to be something worthwhile in common is what i have concluded.
I am a single lady , and married couples are usually joined at the hip so they are a dead loss as far as making friends is concerned.

Well, it costs, I think, to set up a meetup group, ann, so I think they wanted commitment, but I had other issues going on, so couldn't plan in advance.
I really didn't mind. It let me off the hook.

I suppose it all depends on what you mean by "trivial". No-one is going to start sharing their life story within the first few minutes, but I find that very often the conversation will drift naturally into shared interests, especially grandchildren., and given the chance that in a fairly small town you are almost bound to bump into each other again it is quite natural for the acquaintance to eventually lead to friendship. Incidentally, I notice that two men sitting at adjoining tables hardly ever speak to each other while two women in the same situation invariably do so perhaps the men are more in need of help than women!

By the way, I am a southerner and am surprised by the unfriendly reception you have received . We are really quite a pleasant lot!

I know what you mean Kandinsky and am in the same boat. DH and I have moved around an awful lot due to his work, lived abroad for. number of years. My only real friend during all of this time passed away several years ago and since then no friends. DH is totally unsociable, prefers his own company and so we never go out anywhere where we would mix with others, always just the two of us. After several years in small village I did get an offer of an outing with other women but unfortunately DH was incredibly rude about them while I was on the phone arranging lifts to the venue and I know his remarks were heard and I've never had another invite. Full stop!

I am the same missadventure. I have no friends. I have family and work colleagues but no real friends.