I agree with bluebird completely! Like I said, I’m not particularly shy and I get along with most people well, whether they’re neighbours, work colleagues, etc. I talk to people wherever I go, but it never goes any further, and like Kandinsky said, you don’t want to come over needy or pushy, or it seems weird!
I once joined a bookclub which advertised for new members. It was within walking distance, so I was really pleased. About 8 of us turned up, but turned out the original members were all friends and were so cliquey that within 3 meetings, I was the only new member left. At the next meeting, I arrived but no-one was in the room usually booked at the pub, so I asked at the bar if it had been cancelled without me knowing. However, they’d booked a different room for half an hour earlier, so that they could all have a meal. They had my contact details, I would have happily joined them. But I went in, was offered a seat, and whilst they continued their meal, the book , and an event they had all recently attended together, was discussed. I curled up with embarrassment and found it so excruciatingly uncomfortable, I never went back. What really angered me was that it didn’t appear that any one of them thought that this was unkind/cruel or unacceptable. If I had more confidence, I would have given them a piece of my mind! If I had been one of them, I couldn’t have been a part of that, and would have to have been apologetic and tried to make the ‘outsider’ feel comfortable and wanted. ‘Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want done to yourself’ is my motto.
KaEllen – I don’t drive, but my husband does. However, he is a music teacher, and often works part of the evenings, so he can usually get me one way, but not the other. And I work 3 days per week, and as is Sod’s Law, if a group comes to my notice during the day, when my wonderful husband will drive me to and fro whenever I want (he’s mostly retired, so has a lot of the daytimes free), it’ll be on my work day!
Doesn’t stop me from keeping a lookout for new activities I can join though, and it hasn’t knocked my confidence further, I’m just wary and starting to realise not all people are kind or unselfish!