Lockdown has made me realise I have absolutely no friends.

How many Christmas cards do you send each year Kandinsky?

We send about a hundred - to family and friends, some of whom we haven't actually seen for donkeys years.

How about emailing or phoning all your Christmas card friends and asking them how they are getting on during these strange times?

You might find that they are very pleased to hear from you and you can enjoy a long chat.

I haven't got any Christmas card friends.
Probably because I don't send any, but there it is.

Perhaps we should poke into what those who haven't got a partner are doing 'wrong'?

OMG do we have to send Christmas cards to people to stay friends? My real friends all forget. It's those people who think they have to stay in touch for some unknown reason who will keep sending them!
I do know some lovely people I haven't seen for years (and some I don't want to see)

My mum sent lots and lots of cards every year; choosing them individually.

None of those people were around once her health and mobility went downhill.

Funnily enough, that's when my friends started to dwindle, too.

KerryS - welcome to Gransnet and thank you for your post today which set out very well why it can be difficult to make new friends.

Thanks also to others who have mentioned similar experiences.

I like *Willow73"'s suggestion that we say which county we live in on here if we want to get to know other Gransnetters.

If people would prefer to PM me with those details rather than put them out on here I am willing to compile them into county groups and see where we go from there.

Miss Adventure #Me too

It came as a bit of a shock to me that work colleagues, even ones you socialise with, aren't friends for life, unless you're incredibly lucky and work hard to keep 1 or 2. When I retired, I had to go out and join things, lots of things, old hobbies, new hobbies. And I did that until I found activities I enjoyed, with people I enjoyed being with. No-one is too old to make new friendships.

I'm not retired, though, and I have a 12 year old to bring up.
You see, when there is a fork in the road, people tend to keep going on their merry way, and others have to detour.

When your Mum got ill, or you MissAdventure?

Life knocks 'friends' into the curb, sometimes.

It's a shock when it happens though.

First my mum, then my daughter, and then both at the same time.
I really do appreciate that it's not the most thrilling thing for friends to have to put up with, but that's how life is, sometimes.
I hope (if I had a friend) I'd be a better one.

We are living through strange times. I have lots of friends but during the lockdown we have all retreated into our own family bubbles. It is not about you but just people feeling safe in their own environment and perhaps selfishly feeling that they cannot take on anyone else's anxieties just now. Many of us are pretending to be brave but really we are terrified after Boris say many of us will lose loved ones too soon.

Kadinsky, i am in the same boat, its heartbreaking isnt it. Best wishes, M

I don't have family around, and have to accept that some friends' social lives are simply a lot busier than mine, having to keep up with and look after their own and partners families before they even think of friends. It is what it is.

Also some friends fall by the wayside because you find that you have not that much in common, once what connected you (i.e. children, work, etc.) has gone.

Get out there and try, again and again. If you have no friends to ring, it suggests the current crisis is not to blame, but just brings things into focus!

I think there are 'dating' websites for purely friendship? Maybe worth a try!

Most importantly, don't give up. You're only 57, for christ's sake, you could have another 30 years ahead of you!!!!

No one has dropped me off a cake, no.
I have, however, baked several, somewhat dubious cakes and dropped them off to people to people who I know, are lonely
We have had many laughs, with them politely thanking me and me responding that they can chuck them in the bin, but they were made and sent with love
Try volunteering at a foodbank, it's both humbling and inspiring
I guarantee that you would make friends there
You have my very best wishes Kad

KerryS, welcome! I am relatively new here on GN myself, so far so good... (wink)

Sorry to hear about your difficulties socialising. I think it is appaling if an organisation like the WI turns cliquey and does not make new members welcome.

Presumably you and/or hubby don't want to move to somewhere a bit more lively, where you may be less dependent on a car? I moved into the centre of my small town 10 months ago, and love having everything on the doorstep; also train station 5 minutes walk, bus station 3 minutes. I do drive, but with an eye on the future and my advancing years, I love that I don't have to.

(just realized the difference between a round and a square bracket!)

I’ve PMd you. ?

I completely understand those of us who don't have true friends around. I know how difficult it is to connect with another person. Very smug of some to think it is and to tell of numerous friends they have. Life gives us all different chances/circumstances/personalities.

I have was in U3A for a couple of years, a book club, tried churches, and a community group over the years. I found cliques, groups of people who had known each other for years with no room for outsiders...none of which were particularly friendly outside of the meeting times. I had to listen to friends/neighbours making arrangements to meet up and never was invited to join in.

The book club read books that weren't my thing at all. The community group just sat round drinking coffee for 2 hours. I'm sorry to say a lot of U3A members were stuck up, and I heard unpleasant things said about other members and saw a couple ostracised, who gave up going. It is not the be all and end all or the magic way of making close friends. Church was similar, I didn't fit...as I realised when the minister pretended he hadn't seen me in a local shop. {He had].

I am open, polite, friendly and people often gravitate towards me, strangers talk to me. I have met lovely and interesting people on bus stops, benches, on bus journeys, in a supermarket or coffee shop...had a laugh and amazing conversations....but it does not translate to being taken further.

I have one close friend who actually asks how I am. I live on my own. I'm friends with a couple who think I'm fine...'because I have [adult] children and grandchildren' ...so that means they don't bother to see if I'm ok. I'm the one who phones them, and visits them. I find couples don't think what it's like to be single and live alone. Good job I'm fine in my own company...rather no friends than inconsiderate, selfish ones.

Kandinsky, far better to have no real friends than rubbish (so-called) friends. Work friendships often end with a change of department or job anyway. Work can be the only thing you have in common.

I only have two close friends but that's quite enough for me. With a large family, I don't have time for more. One, I met at a playgroup 40 odd years ago. The other was a friend of a friend (who didn't keep in touch). Both are good at staying in regular contact (I tend to forget).

Join any group activity or study situation and it's easy to meet new people. I've done that in the past - but failed to follow up and cultivate friendships, as that takes some effort!

I know what you mean bluebird. For some reason, people seem to feel they can confide in me and a lot of people do. It's amazing how many people want to be friends like that, but they are not really friends, they are getting something they need from it. Eventually something happens in life and you find out who your friends really are. I think most of us have very few true friends. All these friends people mention drifting off when their health declines, I just wouldn't do that. I've come to the conclusion that's actually weird of me.

@Kandinsky

I'm sending you are virtual cake right now. So sorry! So many PPs have made great suggestion for putting yourself out there, so I won't...but hang in there!

This topic really describes my situation, but I defin wldn’t have been brave enuff to post about it, so thx to Kadinsky & to all who responded! & if anyone wants to be long-distance friends w/ an ex-pat now living in the States, (that wld be me, lol!) pls pls send me a PM, b/c I feel lonely too.
Wishing all of u the best!

bluebird243 I couldn't have put it better.