Uncalled for comments

It’s interesting what Smileless, said about hiding behind usernames. I think I may be the opposite. I get nervous about posting, when I know I’m probably going against the general consensus. In real life, I’d just blurt it out with less inhibition! Maybe it’s the spontaneity I’m more comfortable with. If I had to wait to speak to someone, I would probably be more careful.

Ah Ellianne, we learn from our mistakes.

I called a poster out recently, when I should just have stuck to the facts that challenged her post ?

Sarahmob - I have probably been on Gransnet longer than you and have also seen comments that are nasty about others rather than addressing the subject-matter.

I am not sure your post was intended to be "goady" as sooziewoozie suggests but I agree with her that nasty posts should be reported even if the person who posted doesn't learn the lesson. The moderators of the site can then see what's going on. I don't know if you saw a few days ago that a thread became so nasty that they deleted it.

I don't know what led up to this but I thought it was very sad.

I am surprised anyone who has been on here a long time would expect the OP to give an example, we know that would be a 'thread about a thread' as someone has already said.

When I was fairly new I wrote a post about bullying and was shot down in flames, told if I didn't like the heat to get out of the kitchen, that was unkind to a new member. I think we should try to understand the OP and assume it is a post showing genuine dislike.

Some of the comments seem to me to be a bit lacking in understanding. OP didn't say it was today's posts, said they had read it today, somewhat different.

My issue is about those who make a comment which is later disproved and they cannot bring themselves to apologise. One of my posts was deleted because it 'couldn't be verified' so I verified it twice but no apology. I respect anyone who apologises when they realise they are wrong but, if they don't, then I tend to think their future posts are less credible.

Like others I avoid certain people who seem to be unkind for the sake of it. Many of us know who they are.

“ The unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussions of ideas.”
Is it ? I think there’s room for both. I’d probably not stay on GN if we abandoned serious issues to debate although I like some of the fun ones too.
The problem is that we all have different stages at which we take our bat home.
Absolutely agree if you see a post you think is “catty” then respond there and then ! Although you may be told the poster was just “criticising”

suziewoozie
As has been said, either report posts that you don’t like or get out of the kitchen.
Agree with Suzie here.

I can understand where Sarahmob and other posters are coming from. I've been on here for quite a while but only posting relatively recently. Probably since lockdown I've spent more time reading across the threads. I have noticed some thoughtlessness where someone has asked for advice or reassurance and posters have had quite a belittling attitude towards the OP. Its nothing in some ways that is strong enough to report. Sometimes I've seen friends of the poster support them which does start to feel like bullying. Such is life really,we all have different approaches. As other posters have said you start to recognize posters that have a tendency to act like this and step away. I suppose my concern is that Gransnet can be such a wonderful place of information, kindness and genuine support I would hate a new member to post and be upset.

Jane10

Every now and then a poster starts a thread like this. GN has clear rules. If you don't like a post or think it's offensive then just report it.

I've report such comments in the past and none have been deleted. I'm told such comments are part of the discussion/debate. For me, there's no way I'd call them constructive comments.

I don't intend as Suziewoozie suggests "to get out of the kitchen if I don't like it". I'll continue to support anyone I feel unnecessarily gets this type of comment.

I've report such comments in the past and none have been deleted. I'm told such comments are part of the discussion/debate. For me, there's no way I'd call them constructive comments.

It happens, WOODMOUSE. It's HQ's job to decide if a post needs to be deleted, not the person reporting it.

Even if you don't agree - and sometimes I don't, the judge's decision is final!

I agree with you WOODMOUSE. I think that stepping away when there is conflict is unhelpful, as it leaves the 'victim' (for want of a better word) to fend for herself, but an atmosphere in which anyone wanting to goad someone knows that it will be challenged is likely to be much more inclusive.

That is a very convoluted sentence, but I am typing and cooking, and the conversation will have moved on if I try to disentangle it - I hope it makes some sort of sense .

Well, I hestitate to be specific either as I don't want to be in trouble for trolling, but I have sent two private messages to posters today, who I imagine have been hurt by snide remarks made to them.

I would be, if I were them.

For some people the only acceptable post is the one that agrees with them

? this. And if you still don't, they complain that they're being invalidated, misunderstood or bullied.

We are all big girls here, we can answer back the offending poster, can't we?

Chewbacca. Absolutely.

Also Bluesky ..agree !

I was addressing the OP Wood. My point is that you report posts of you don’t like them and/or criticise them on the thread itself ( including defending a poster if you think it’s appropriate). What is rather silly and goady is to start a thread like this with generalised comments - it sows discord and disagreement and is frankly ridiculous.

I don"t think it was a goady thread,but an observation,from a poster saying it as she saw it.We are , as some of you say all different, but perhaps more tolerance would help.

Gransnet contributors usually presume people are not so much discussing ideas as expressing their feelings . The unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussions of ideas.
Well you may think that, Alexa, but I agree with Lucca and don’t think that’s the case at all.
In fact I’d welcome more serious, dispassionate discussion (conducted in a civilised way, of course) and rather less airing of ‘feelings‘.
If ‘feelings’ weren’t aired quite so much there might be fewer of the snide comments which the OP objects to.
Perhaps I don’t go on the right threads, but personally I don’t see much unkindness on GN.

A generalised thread implying the OP is a nice kind person and others are not is not being goady??

Spot on Chewbacca.

I really think it depends on the circumstances BlueSky even the most robust can be genuinely distressed, especially if there's a sustained 'attack' by more than one poster that goes on for a sustained period of time.

I am still in contact via pm's from a couple of GN's who no longer post on the forum because of the nastiness they received grandtante.

It's particularly sad when that happens to people looking for support and advice. Of course, not always being told what you would like to hear is only to be expected but so often it's the delivery of the message that is upsetting for some.

IMO it's the nasty posters who sow discord and disagreement. If they didn't behave the way they do, there'd be nothing to discuss would there.

I agree Lucca I didn’t know about the unspoken convention within Gransnet is that Gransnet is a medium for chumminess not for serious discussion of ideas.

I think it is a place for anything really that a poster wants to discuss, within guidelines of course. I have learnt a lot, and have had support from posters. I have friends in RL I don’t come on here for “chums”. It’s interesting that the posts where people start falling out seem to generate the most posts and energy ?

I just ignore posts which become rather er, heated! I think GN seems mild compared to some social media, but I think anonymity encourages more rudeness than would be the case face to face.

suziewoozie

A generalised thread implying the OP is a nice kind person and others are not is not being goady??

It smacks of halo polishing to me and imploring posters to be kind is insulting. Most of us are kind and often object when a poster is 'set upon.'

If an unkind post appears to be a personal attack then it needs reporting. There doesn't need to be yet another thread started by an infrequent poster telling us how to behave.

I think that its quite telling that as a new-ish member I agree with the OP but hesitated about taking part in this thread in case someone bit my head off.....

? Mine’s perfectly shiny merlot no polishing needed

Agree Merlot.