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Uncalled for comments

(217 Posts)
Sarahmob Tue 25-Aug-20 09:51:27

I’ve been a member (although quite a quiet one) for some time now and usually enjoy following the various discussions, chipping in if I feel I’ve got some valid point to add. Today I’ve read a couple of threads and been a bit disappointed by some of the sharp and sometimes downright catty comments that people have made. Surely a little thought doesn’t hurt and if we can be anything, let’s be kind.

Maggiemaybe Wed 26-Aug-20 15:46:25

I call making up posts and comments and attributing them to others, out and out aggressive, not to say sly and deceitful but hey ho.

What are you referring to, tickingbird? confused. You said something similar yesterday. I didn’t get it then either.

LaraGransnet (GNHQ) Wed 26-Aug-20 16:36:26

willa45

A few observations:
Most of the people on Gransnet communicate their ideas and opinions very well. Only a few seem to have difficulty.

Squabbles usually happen when a comment is worded clumsily or taken the wrong way. On the other hand, shaming, name calling, personal attacks, deliberately aimed slights and innuendo are all equally destructive because they diminish the value of an otherwise healthy debate.

Barring those who break the rules of conduct, there are some comments that could use a bit of polish. Let's assume good faith and give the benefit of doubt, to people who inadvertently make less than perfect contributions.

My final thought is that we should all be able to jump in and (respectfully) disagree and disapprove, and to speak our minds candidly ..... if we didn't, I suspect these threads could get quite boring very quickly!

Hello, GNHQ here. Looks like this thread is going downhill fast. shock We were going to post something very similar to the above so thank you willa45 (and some others who've posted along same lines) for putting it so well. The delete thread button is wearing down (and we really prefer to avoid using it!) so please can we get the thread back on track? Thank you very much. smile

Rosina Wed 26-Aug-20 16:47:18

Sparky debate is enjoyable - also several GN posters have a dry sense of humour and have amused me with their witty responses. What I do find difficult is the poster who, shielding behind anonymity, is rude and aggressive, insulting, and reduces the debate to a 'ner ner' . We have had a few of those - one in particular springs to mind but she seems to have dropped away over the past few months; this has happened previously and then she pops up with a new name.

Doodledog Wed 26-Aug-20 16:55:46

*What's wrong with Just my opinion? Why is that passive- aggressive?

Does it not mean just that?*

It's passive aggressive as it is suggesting that the poster is expecting to be attacked, or that others are at some sort of advantage, whereas expressing an opinion is what everyone is doing.

Passive aggression seeks to set the speaker/poster apart from the person/people they are addressing, so that disagreement will feel like kicking a puppy.

As for opinions in discussions - some things are genuinely a matter of opinion (sprouts are vile-tasting vegetables), but others really aren't (Berlin is the capital of France). It is unreasonable to expect someone to justify the former, but surely it's ok to ask for some sort of reason why someone would think the latter?

Marydoll Wed 26-Aug-20 16:56:09

Excellent post willa and thank Lara.

I was put off posting by all the unnecessary sniping.

Callistemon Wed 26-Aug-20 17:03:23

It's passive aggressive as it is suggesting that the poster is expecting to be attacked

Ok, yes I understand, but perhaps a timid poster may be apprehensive about posting an opinion, particularly on politics, as others do sometimes demand they provide justification for their opinion.

Lucca Wed 26-Aug-20 17:06:31

Just widening the discussion a bit to the real world....I don’t know if you agree but I‘Ve found the “I speak as I find” type of remark to be a thinly veiled excuse to be outright rude !!

AGAA4 Wed 26-Aug-20 17:19:20

willa45 thank you for your post. I do think people should read posts carefully before jumping in angrily sometimes.
Posts sometimes are misinterpreted and can cause problems.
Best to give people the benefit of the doubt if you are not certain.

Ellianne Wed 26-Aug-20 17:45:06

Perhaps a timid poster may be apprehensive about posting an opinion, particularly on politics, as others do sometimes demand they provide justification for their opinion.
Oh my goodness, yes Callistemon, it's a bit like wanting to offer an opinion in class, but being reluctant to do so because the teacher demands you explain yourself and give evidence or examples.

Freeandeasy Wed 26-Aug-20 18:07:00

I enjoy reading threads and post when I feel I have something of value/relevance to the topic to contribute to. I enjoy a good political debate as much as the next woman but tend not to read some of the political posts as it’s either Boris bashing or loony lefties (as another poster has already pointed out). When that happens I just don’t carry on reading any further.

I have received a lot of good advice on here and a lot of support when I recently posted on a relationships thread about my elderly mother and it was comforting to know that I was not alone. I also enjoy a lot of the lighthearted threads - some of which are hilarious and brighten up my day.

If I thought a post was particularly nasty I would report it. If I found I didn’t like where a thread was heading to I would just simply stop reading. I sometimes look at some of the posts on Mumsnet - if you want “nastiness” there is a lot about! Not so much on here though - thank goodness.

Lucca Wed 26-Aug-20 19:27:09

Freeanseasy. “ as it’s either Boris bashing or loony lefties “

And there you have it. So that’s not name calling ?

icanhandthemback Wed 26-Aug-20 20:43:49

I was thinking that, Lucca.

Harris27 Wed 26-Aug-20 20:51:45

I used to join in quite a bit and enjoyed the posts but recently have found some very hurtful and just move on. It’s a shame because when I was having a hard time with my mum who had dementia I had some lovely support from here. Definitely a different time. So sad after what we’ve just gone through.

Greeneyedgirl Thu 27-Aug-20 09:11:55

Oh dear! I could be described as a leftie. Am I loony? ?.
Possibly ? But, I’m not violent and don’t do bashing.

Framilode Thu 27-Aug-20 09:36:29

Interesting. Apparently only the lefties are loony.

Chewbacca Thu 27-Aug-20 09:44:22

Most of the threads, where politics becomes involved, seem to sink to insults and name calling irrespective of which side posters are on. "Loony lefties", "Corbynistas", "Maybots" are just a few that I can remember seeing. But one of the worst was seeing someone called "a fat slob" yesterday. It doesn't matter who said it, or who it was referring to, I just find it utterly depressing that supposedly mature, intelligent people, who think they're quite erudite and politically aware, think that's an acceptable thing to say about anyone. These kinds of comments reveal quite a lot about people, I think.

Alexa Thu 27-Aug-20 09:47:27

I am sometimes a slob but am not fat.

Lisagran Thu 27-Aug-20 09:49:09

A Gran on here called someone a “fat slob” Chewbacca? Seriously?! shock

jenpax Thu 27-Aug-20 09:55:23

I am fat ?and a slob (sometimes) but I would hate to be called that just because someone didn’t agree with my politics!

Callistemon Thu 27-Aug-20 09:56:21

Am I loony?
If you become hairy and howl
Only at full moon ?

Chewbacca Thu 27-Aug-20 09:59:01

A Gran on here called someone a “fat slob” Chewbacca? Seriously?!

No Lisagran, they did not. As I said, it doesn't matter who said it, or who it was about, it was calling anyone that, that I find unacceptable.

Lisagran Thu 27-Aug-20 10:09:48

Oh, sorry to misunderstand, Chewbacca. I totally agree that it’s unacceptable.

tickingbird Thu 27-Aug-20 10:42:10

What are you referring to, tickingbird? confused. You said something similar yesterday. I didn’t get it then either.

Maggiemaybe - it’s a strange phenomenon I’ve come across several times on GN. Someone will be discussing/debating on a thread and then someone else responds to something that HASN’T been said. It seems to be a deliberate tactic to get the upper hand or gain the moral high ground. The more charitable view is that a comment has been misinterpreted but on occasion that’s a stretch to be fair. Another common one is asking for details, links and examples. I find it tiresome. It’s akin to schoolchildren arguing in a playground - “prove it”!

A well respected and very measured member posted about this and also the practice of getting posts deleted tactically a few days ago. It’s often the same members too. Disagreeing with someone and then being accused of rudeness. It’s happened to me but I’ve seen it being directed at other GN’s several times.

Doodledog Thu 27-Aug-20 11:00:40

I think that sometimes there is a slightly inaccurate response to an OP, and subsequent replies are in response to the inaccurate post. Even if the OP clarifies what she meant, once the inaccurate idea has taken hold there is no shifting it, as a lot of people only read the last post on a thread.

I think that is more likely than someone deliberately and maliciously manufacturing a post.

Furret Thu 27-Aug-20 11:04:29

Let me put this to rest and set the record straight. I did not call someone on here a f*t s**b. I would never do that. I was referring to a public figure. Chinese whispers.