Move to be near daughter and family?

It’s been so interesting to read all your viewpoints because they are all things I’ve been saying to myself for a while now, both for and against (including the weather).
We should have been with them this weekend, but after waiting several days for a result, and thinking it had got lost, DGS tested positive for COVID yesterday afternoon. It’s all been a bit of a shock. This year has been a real rollercoaster with both MIL and my father passing away during lockdown, my DS and DIL taking a break from their marriage less than two years into it, and me having a total hysterectomy literally the week before lockdown.
I think I need to think a bit more and wait! And maybe try to get over everything - I’ve cried twice in the last week in Teams meetings.
Thank you all, it’s been so interesting reading your experiences and thoughts.

I think if you have had so much trauma and upset you should give your self a break! Stay put and don’t worry about it any more.

My grandmother had the option to move down to London to be near her only daughter when she is was in her forties but she didn’t want to leave her busy social life. She could have got a job down here too. She stayed in Manchester but as she got older travel for her became more difficult and we used to go and visit for the day in every half term and school holiday. However her daughter, my mother, also reached a point where she could go no longer travel north.
If you can be certain your daughter isn’t going to move and would like you nearer, then do it. You will be able to see the GC and if and when it is necessary your daughter will be able to offer you support and assistance. I assume you have a good relationship with her? If so buy a raincoat and a couple of jumpers and go.

They have their own lives. As our grandchildren get older we aren't needed so much. If you move you will be giving up your friends and lifestyle. I think you need to be prepared to build your own life making new friends if you do move

ComeonGran - I think the big question is whether you've been invited by your daughter to move closer to her. If you have, then I would have no hesitation in moving. I did the same thing but the other way around, moving from a vibrant north western city, to Greater London as daughter requested we be closer to her and the unborn baby as it was then. Not one single regret, freedom pass, in and out of the city for socialising, entertainment in just 20 mins (not with lockdown of course), and have had the unbeatable pleasure of being present when gcs were born and of being in their lives. But, had I not been asked I wouldn't have broached the issue. Now, when daughter talks about moving when the children are at uni (if and when), she makes it plain that we're a family and we go together. This suits me but I know it wouldn't suit everybody. However, if you can work from home as I was doing at the time of my move, it's worth a try and moving to a new environment certainly kept my brain alive and introduced me to lots of new experiences.

I moved from the north of England to the south 8 years ago to be close to my two children, their partners and my 4 grandchildren. It was a hard decision as the property was much more expensive in the south but I am really glad I moved south. I am very happy here, it was the best decision ever!

I moved 150 miles to be near my daughter and family in 2005. I was here for a few years then my Son in laws employers were discussing moving him and family to Texas. My daughter insisted at the time that if they moved, I would be going with them. The move never materialised and we are all still happily settled here. In fact I better get prepared. They are coming for lunch at 1 pm today. Moving here when I was 64 is the best move I ever made.

I like the idea of the older one(s) living independently but in the same house.

Btw I moved from south to north west in my 40s and didn't notice a huge change in weather. I loved the idea of a buzzing city with countryside on my doorstep. And I had the sea 30 miles away

You have hadxso much heartache you are probablyxstill griving for your father.You needcno more changes .Stay put

I did exactly that. I have twin daughters and when there children were born I could not bear only seeing them a few times a year. I moved to be near them and it was absolutely the right thing to do. I miss where I used to live but not as much as I previously missed my grandchildren. We are all so close now and I see them often. But I have to say that I was quite certain one at least would stay living in the area as she missed us too!!! It is something worth considering.

My daughters relationship broke down. After 20 years. She lives round the corner from us now and has done for 4 years.
The key to this is you don’t visit unless your asked or ring to say your popping round. You ask is it ok. She does the same with us. She works full time in a high powered job so we know she needs her chill time.
She and we are quite happy with that.We are in our 70s but wouldn’t want our daughter to be worrying about us as we are quite independent.

We had this dilemma 10 months ago. For a couple of years we wondered whether to move from Cumbria, where we loved and had friends, interests etc to go to North Yorkshire where our grandchildren live. We were ambivalent about moving and after ‘testing the market’, our house sold like lightening. This was a huge shock for me as I didn’t feel ready to leave Cumbria and agonised as to whether we were making the right decision. Anyhow, we went with it and it has proven to be the best decision we made. We love the new area where we live, are starting to make new friends and the best bit is being able to see the kids regularly and spend time together. I think no one can tell you what the right thing to do is, and in my experience I thought moving might be disastrous and it turned out to be amazing. I don’t know if this is helpful or not and can only suggest trusting your inner voice. Good luck with whatever you do decide.

Have you thought of renting first near DD to see if you like the area

Nobody seems to be thinking about the cost of moving, it is a lot. It’s not just a case of move and if you want to move back in a few years you can. True but it will cost you a small fortune.

Take your time! Surely no hurry?

I moved from Norfolk to Glasgow 9 years ago to be near my daughter and family. I would say think about it carefully. I love being near them but miss my girlfriends so much so I feel I can't win wherever I live. The weather is dreadful compared to Norfolk which sometimes gets me down. There are pros and cons whatever you do but then that's life isn't it.

Don't hurry into a decision just yet. What does your daughter say about this idea? Do you have other children who might have an opinion? will you have amenities to provide for your essentials and leisure/hobby activities, Do you like where she lives? How close to transport links are they in case you can not drive in the future? Do you make friends easily? Will you miss your current circle of friends where you are? Which of the above are more important ?
Lots to consider and a tough decision.
If you change your mind or your daughter then moved away, will you be able to afford to make a second or third move. Moving from South to North is usually more affordable than the the way round for many people.

ComeOnGran
Sorry I haven’t read all the threads so someone else may have suggested this but I wonder if you have considered renting out your house and renting somewhere near your daughter for perhaps a year. This would give you a chance to see if you like living there before completely uprooting yourself. Personally I would move to the end of the earth to be near my daughter and granddaughter but, having said that, a good friend moved to Cornwall to be near her family and they have just moved to Scotland!

Don’t do anything until you’re sure. Trust your instincts.

After my partner died 18 months ago I moved to live nearer my two sons and their families. I certainly have no regrets and if my sons did move away I would still have my lovely neighbours and people I have met here. My sons live their own lives and have their own friends but I am near enough if I or they need help.

I’m with charleygirl. 15 years ago our DS & dil was so keen for us to move near them in Kent. Now they are off to Australia, which would have left us 200 miles from other family (in our approaching dotage).

o.k I can only tell you my experience, like you moved more than once..
when we were in our early 50`s, dh wanted to move from Oxfordshire area, to North Yorkshire.. I could get a job there as I was main wage earner... so we did.. left two grown up sons here..
we were there for 10 years plus, made lots of friends and work colleagues,
then first gs born, and I felt the need to be nearer to them, weekend visits weren`t possible due to distance.

so I retired , just gone 60, earlier than I had planned, house prices ,! duh! so we had to downsize a fair bit.

had 20 years lovely retirement, but dh health had deteriorated and I concentrated on him.. no work colleagues, no friends, (well just one )

then he died, last November,, and so hard to make friends now,,, no one wants to know, (age ??) no work colleagues, too far away, and friends,, long way away..

so I am lonely,,
gks. lovely,, not huggy types, but ... well.. I do get to see them and of course they are grown up, or growing up...

would I do it again? I think so, but I am having to live with my friends and work colleagues (who would have been good company) too far away..

I go to local church, have done for 3 years now, but whilst chat, don`t want to be friends,,, again, I think the age has something to do with it..

I just have to live with being lonely I guess. or get confidence to go and have coffee`s on my own for example...

I'm moving closer to two of my children. At the moment, they have about an hour's drive to get here.

I don't want to be too close, however. I can foresee grandchildren just popping in and far too much babysitting if I do that.

I'm thinking a twenty or thirty mile distance would be ideal!

We were considering moving to be near our daughters and were lucky enough to be able to rent a property near them for a few months. For many reasons, it didn't work out so we returned to an area close but nicer than where we had previously lived. We are just over an hour away from the families but still closes to the places and things we want to do. Coincidentally we are in the North West and we love it but I can't recommend renting too much.

I wouldn't move from a place where I had friends, it is not easy to make friends at our age.

Could you perhaps consider moving into a smaller, cheaper property where you live and freeing up some money, so you could afford to visit your daughter, staying in a hotel near her more frequently than at present?