Gransnet forums

Chat

Wits end

(32 Posts)
PTWN Sat 12-Sep-20 14:53:33

Hi,
New Grandparent with some major worries.
My Daughter has a partner (not married) had some major issues in the relationship in the past
They have a 6 month old.
My Daughter is returning to work soon and childcare is to be divided between her and both Grandparents.
This is where the issue arises.
The other Grandma and others living there are significant users of cannabis. This does affect their behaviour dramatically.
My Daughter does not want the baby to go there at all but it being totally over ruled by her partner who is insistent.
They all undermine and disregard her wishes or instructions.
I worry if something happens to the baby will my Daughter be in trouble for "willingly" allowing the baby to be there!?
They do drive and will expect to do so with the baby.
As if the return to work isn't hard enough without this to deal with.
They cannot afford nursery fees, she may as well not work if they have to pay. They similarly can't afford for her not to work.
And yes she did know what their habits were, but never thought they would expect to care for a child or that her partner would want them too.
He does not share the habit.
How would you as the other gran deal with this?
My husband is very much head in the sand and just says we all need to close our minds to it on the day the baby is there! ?

Iam64 Wed 16-Sep-20 08:46:44

MOnica, your advice is good.
In no way am I condoning drug use especially around children. I'm worried about the smoke almost as much as the drug use.
Sadly, drug use is so common that most families referred to children's services will be using substances, and/or drinking to excess. There has been another increase in children taken into care during this pandemic. The lack of support and preventive services is a major problem. The law says children's services must offer support to prevent children coming into care. Government cuts mean services are as rare as hens teeth.
But yes, MOnica is right in her advice.

Alexa Wed 16-Sep-20 09:28:52

Does it not depend on how" significant" is the cannabis use? May be they will not be using it during the child care hours.. Are they generally competent in visible ways? Do they keep a clean house? Are they criminals? Are they gamblers? Are they seriously mentally defective?

PTWN Thu 17-Sep-20 08:52:12

Alexa

Does it not depend on how" significant" is the cannabis use? May be they will not be using it during the child care hours.. Are they generally competent in visible ways? Do they keep a clean house? Are they criminals? Are they gamblers? Are they seriously mentally defective?

Significant that they start from the minute they wake (late) to going to bed in the early hours.
The Grandma can't go to see him at my Daughters house without having a smoke in the hour or so period she stays.
Erratic behaviour, mood swings.

jenpax Thu 17-Sep-20 09:04:09

Are you certain that nursery or child minder is not an option? Remember if they qualify for universal credit and are both working then up to 85% of the cost will be covered by the Government. It might be worth them getting a benefit check try turn2us or entitledto for these. Also can either of them qualify for child care vouchers from their employers towards child care costs?

jenpax Thu 17-Sep-20 09:08:24

Look on gov.uk for more information

Sarnia Thu 17-Sep-20 09:09:45

Your daughter needs help and pronto. Passive smoking doesn't just apply to cigarettes. Cannabis smoking is just the same and just as bad for those having to inhale it. Having had an abusive husband myself, her partner is unlikely to change. She seems to be bullied by his entire family and he lets it happen. It doesn't show respect to her or their baby. I appreciate she is an adult and can make her own decisions but sometimes in life people need help and advice. On a personal level I would be unable to accept knowing my grandchild was being 'cared' for in a house with drug users. I would be finding Social Services phone number.