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Still not met granddaughter

(83 Posts)
Newatthis Tue 22-Sept-20 13:44:18

I wrote during the lockdown when my daughter, who lives overseas, had a little girl in lockdown. The baby is now almost 5 months. I see my daughter 2 or 3 times a year and my other little grandchild but they live in a country that has banned UK nationals in (and vice versa - she and her family can't come here) because of COVID. It is now 9 months since I've seen my GC and daughter and I still haven't met our new GC. They are our only grandchildren. It's breaking my heart. I know we have SKYPE/ FACETIME and my daughter is very good keeping us updated with photos and videos but I'm longing for the cuddles. I know there are many of you out there like me. Please be kind in response.

Mamma7 Wed 23-Sept-20 12:32:02

So sad that people have to say be kind - I’m a newish member and am stunned to read some comments.
I was told to “Grow up” yesterday from TeacherAnne which made my husband and me laugh out loud, the irony of the comment alone leaves me almost speechless- almost!
No wonder poste

Mamma7 Wed 23-Sept-20 12:33:46

Ps ooops No wonder posters feel the need to say ‘be kind’ or similar.... but they shouldn’t have to.

Mamma7 Wed 23-Sept-20 12:35:52

To Newatthis - my heart goes out to you but sadly have no advice today

Frankie51 Wed 23-Sept-20 12:50:54

I feel for you. My eldest son lives in Canada with my 3 grandchildren. It's very hard. Must be doubly so when you haven't even met the new baby. I think we just have to try to keep positive and cheerful. I think the virus will be gone or its effects will have weakened by spring, or we will have a vaccine. Then we will be able to visit our families again. Try to keep yourself cheerful by giving yourself treats and seeing people you can maintain contact with. I'm sure your family are just as unhappy. Is it possible to contact the other in laws if they are in the UK and form a little support group as they must be feeling the same?

Flakeygran Wed 23-Sept-20 12:53:52

Reading all the above has helped me so much ... my daughter and son-in-law moved in with us last year to save money. I was with them when their darling baby daughter was born at Christmas so we were all together through lockdown. Suddenly because of the economy, covid etc. they've decided to relocate immediately to his home city in the EU where there's a large family support network. She's our only child and only grandchild, we could so easily guilt trip her into staying but if course won't. It's so hard, but comforting to see how many of us in the same situation. Thankyou Newatthis and courage to all. flowers

PurpleStar Wed 23-Sept-20 12:58:57

I really feel for you.Our only grandchildren and daughter live overseas.Before this year I would fly 20+ times and see them alot! My heart aches for them.When they are so small,or newborn in your case,its harder! Missing huge milestones and special moments.Technology is amazing and gets us through.Also as we dont know the end date it feels more daunting.Oh the cuddles we will all have with our precious children and Grandchildren in the future will be priceless.I have had melt downs and tears from myself and little Granddaughter crying on the phone for me...it is heartbreaking.The little ones wont remember all this but we will...One day it will end and we can be reunited with our loved ones flowers

sparklingsilver28 Wed 23-Sept-20 13:27:58

ReadyMeals With you all the way! Do what is best to protect the family; and in so doing in the interest of society as a whole.

Dougl How lucky to be living on the beautiful island of Jersey (Channel Island). My LH and I met there in 1959 - he had been a regular visitor to the island from the end of occupation in WW2. I was 60 when making my first visit to my brother in Australia, and my H 80 and in a wheelchair. My friend still visiting her son (2019) at 84; and an elderly cousin in his early 90s still visiting his son - last time also 2019. At 64 you are a spring chicken so look ahead and make travel plans to be implemented when at last free of the epidemic.

Whatdayisit Wed 23-Sept-20 13:44:03

I do feel for all who are seperated from families. My Grandparents had a granchild in OZ from 1973 back then the only way of keeping in touch was the blue airmail sheets as neither wrre on the phone. I remember my gran getting a phone put in in 1980 but calls cost a fortune!
We are very lucky today with Skype etc and cheaper calls and flights. Maybe you could keep a diary for them to receive as a departing gift so they know more about you and how you feel about them.
Hugs to everyone.

GreenGran78 Wed 23-Sept-20 13:52:24

I’m grateful that my daughter’s Aussie wedding, last November, wasn’t disrupted. All the family attended, and we caught up with all three of my children who live over there, and their friends and relations. It was especially good to see, and hug, my little GD who is now 3, and my pregnant DIL. Their baby boy arrived in May, so my return trip for the birth was cancelled, of course. Thank heavens that we all met up when we did. I’m sad that I haven’t had the chance for a cuddle with my new GS though. All the family are working overtime to keep in touch online with chats, videos, messages and photos.
My main target, right now, is to stay as fit and healthy as possible. At 81 I realise that time is ticking by, but I’m determined to be on the starting blocks for a flight as soon as we are allowed. Even if they double the price it won’t stop me! I feel so sorry for those of you who can’t afford to travel to see your loved ones, and for anyone who’s health won’t allow it. It must be heartbreaking for you.

InOzMIL Wed 23-Sept-20 14:09:54

Hey I’m sorry
I don’t usually post to sites like this, but joined & hoped this group would be supportive.
I have daughter living permanently in UK no children yet, but when she does, I’ll be Skype nana too.
Just wanted to say I’m feeling for you.

Tillybelle Wed 23-Sept-20 14:10:23

goose1964
just becomes one of those winter bugs that does the rounds.
That's right, a good way to think in my humble opinion.

In fact if we watch the Office for National Statistics official figures and compare death rates for different ages, diseases and against previous years to get an idea of what is to be expected, then you will find you will worry a lot less about the threat of Covid. The "cases" which the govt tell us have risen, are of course, the number of positive tests on the SARS-CoV-2 test and this test was not designed for diagnostic purposes anyway and carries a high number of false positives. The best measure is deaths per 100,000 usually. We have many diseases which are worse than Covid. Sadly dementia comes top, but there is a query as to whether many cases are misdiagnosed and are due to dehydration. In Care homes and geriatric institutions it was found that Staff were told to hold back fluids. This causes mental confusion. Keep drinking (not alcohol!) Grans! I think I have a screen shot somewhere.. I'll give it a try...
But we do have reason to be hopeful and I would gently urge you, if you notice over time that the official figures are not as bad as the government's predictions or actions would suggest, to ask your government/MP why some of the measures/numbers seem so severe when the official figures are not very concerning or why they are not paying attention to the true dangerous diseases. Anyway, monitoring the data should help make you feel more positive. Expect a fluctuation upwards for the time of year.

I'll also try and attach the Scientists and Doctors letter of concern about the Govt's actions to the Prime Minister... I have to get it from another device so fingers crossed... I'll have to put some signatures on another post. Sorry, I may not have copied them all.

Tillybelle Wed 23-Sept-20 14:12:03

Signatures to the letter to PM from Doctors etc.

Lucca Wed 23-Sept-20 14:18:18

Tillybelle, with respect why is this on a thread about far away families ?

Bluecat Wed 23-Sept-20 14:35:01

It's hard. We didn't see our daughter and her kids in the US for 6 years. We were going to visit but plans were disrupted - they moved house twice, then I was very ill - but thankfully they visited this January. We were going there in August but, of course, that didn't happen. I was particularly looking forward to seeing our eldest grandson, who couldn't come on the January trip. He was also hoping to visit us this summer with his girlfriend. God knows when there will be any travel to or from the US. Their virus situation is even worse than ours. I sympathise with your sadness.

There are restrictions everywhere, though. Our other daughter lives nearby but I have only risked one quick cuddle (gloved, masked and aproned) with her 3 daughters, since Covid-19 began. (It was a risk but I felt it was my last chance before the older ones went back to school.) Our youngest granddaughter is 6 months now. I said yesterday that I felt cheated out of her babyhood. My daughter said that it was worth it if it meant that we would be in her life for years to come.

That's what you have to focus on. We're restricted today so that we can be with our families in the future. Things will change. Sooner or later, we will be able to travel and to hold our grandkids again. In the meantime, concentrate on staying alive.

juju17 Wed 23-Sept-20 14:42:59

I too have both my sons in Australia and a new grandson born in August. We can’t wait to be able to go to see them... Callistemon, where did you hear that the borders will be shut for another year? Think they’ll be shut at least for another 6 months ..... but hoping not another year!

DotMH1901 Wed 23-Sept-20 14:56:20

It is hard for those grandparents who are separated from their GC because of Covid. The only thing to do is to try to keep in touch, we are so lucky to have things like Skype, Facetime, Zoom etc, I read some years ago about a family whose daughter went to the USA, this was between the Wars, and they could only keep in touch by letter and even that was just a couple of times a year. It must be frustrating not to be able to hold your new GC in your arms but, sadly, there is little to be done about it at the moment. There will be an end to this Covid outbreak eventually and hopefully all of us who are longing to be with GC, DD, DS and other family we haven't been able to hug for months will be free and safe to travel again.

Tillybelle Wed 23-Sept-20 15:11:51

Lucca True! I tend to answer people's comments and worries and like to give some solid facts to encourage people to keep going, so it isn't out of the blue! I also hope that by showing the office for national statistics numbers it might give people comfort and something to hope for. The numbers do suggest we are heading in the right direction and the letter from the Doctors etc. I enclosed will back up what I was saying. So this might encourage people to hold on a bit longer and feel it is worth waiting to see their family and new grandchildren.

red1 Wed 23-Sept-20 15:22:23

having family overseas is an ache that does not go away easily.
my son uprooted 3 years ago in a space of 2 months, i went through a grieving process and visited lots,this covid has enabled one visit this year.I have another grandson born one month ago,only seen photos so far.
Friends can say look at positives ,that they are healthy etc
but its difficult,i share your sadness

TillyWhiz Wed 23-Sept-20 15:41:42

I do sympathise. So many of us have family overseas and no knowing when we will see them in person again. In the meantime, Skype, Whatsapp etc are all there for us to stay in touch and actually see each other. In the old days it would have been a letter wifh photographs.

Dillonsgranma Wed 23-Sept-20 16:28:50

It is hard. I don’t know what the answer is except for Skype and FaceTime as much as you can so that grandchildren will remember you and get to know you.
I miss my grandsons so much and may not even get to see them at Christmas the way things are going. And they are only 200!miles away !
I really feel for you xxxxx. Stay strong xxxxx

lovemabub Wed 23-Sept-20 16:57:29

I feel for you! My daughter's in Australia and I've never seen my seven month old granddaughter. It's even more painful since I lived with them for a year after my two year old grandson was born and miss him terribly. BUT I keep on reminding myself that I'm soooo lucky to have two beautiful, healthy grandchildren. We'll be with them soon enough. xxx

Caligrandma Wed 23-Sept-20 17:58:58

Consider this. In the giant scheme of things, you have access through skype, photos and that's a blessing. The pain of not seeing your grandchild is a pretty large segment of us in this forum. It's beyond painful. For some of us, we aren't allowed to see them because of jealous daughter-in-laws. Not to negate your pain but just to let you know that many of us know exactly what youre feeling, and some! Do not lament to your daughter, it sounds like she is trying her best. Think back as to how you protected your babies. Its that same feeling. Instead, be joyful in their skype presence, make it pleasant as possible and something they look forward to . If it comes across as causing you pain, it becomes pain possibly for them and they will not be looking forward to those skype get togethers. There is nothing you can do. Nothing. It is out of your control. Therefore, make each moment as fun and delightful as it can be. We all know this pain. And its beyond words.

Caligrandma Wed 23-Sept-20 18:00:52

I would say that is how I feel. They don't get to know the joy of my love and patience. That also makes me grieve.
My son should know better.

dazz Wed 23-Sept-20 18:48:30

My heart goes out to you. My only grandchild lives in Liverpool and if I see her once a month Im exagerating. I live alone as well so its really hard. May God bless you soon

vickymeldrew Wed 23-Sept-20 19:07:12

There is an important aspect to the problem of children living abroad that I don’t think has been mentioned on this thread. Travel insurance. Those of us who have been shielded obviously have underlying medical problems. It is currently well nigh impossible to get travel insurance to cover Covid 19. Insurerers ‘decline to quote’. Add in existing medical conditions and you are looking at huge premiums or no insurance available.