when romance turns to finance

My nephews mother in law has fallen for this twice! The first time she was sending money to a man in need of an operation!

The second was worse, she fell for an American online, moved to America and lived with him. He started by denying her access to her own money - saying she didn't understand the American banking system, when she said she wanted to leave he took away her passport. When he was out she found her passport and rang her daughter who purchased a plane ticket for her online and told her to go to the airport, and once at the airport to immediately go to the departure lounge so he couldn't get to her. He turned up at the airport demanding to see her - she explained the situation to the airport security who stayed with her until she was able to board the plane to return home.

The sad thing is she is still on these dating sites and talking to various men around the world.

I know of a very quiet, gentle, shy middle aged man (who lived with his mum and had never dated) who married a thai lady he met online.
Everyone was a bit wary, but things seemed to be fine. (Although she ordered him around)

They had a baby, and he did most of the childcare (after work) and absolutely adored the baby.

Anything and everything his wife or child needed, he provided, and was devoted to them both.

Then one day he came home from work to find the locks had been changed, and she had got an injunction against him, claiming domestic violence. It broke his heart. He just left the house and let her have everything.

After so many warnings in the media, these scammers should now be left with no 'victims'.

I really find it hard to fathom that women still fall for it. Is it ignorance, sheer stupidity - or blind vanity that allows them to believe?

Lizzypopbottle, tjat sounds very familiar to a man who used to frequent the chat rooms of AOL many years ago when the internet was still very new. He chatted to various ladies, who unknown to him, where known very well to each other in real life, and met up regularly for lunch. His waggledance was always along similar lines, with each lady he spoke to, and always with a photo sent in a military uniform.
He tripped up a bit when he came chatting to me though, the photo was of him in a uniform of the same regiment as my step brother, who was a real life Army officer of high rank, but as soon as I told this man his name and asked if he knew him, he never contacted me, or any other of the Ladies in our group ever again. Maybe he feared that one of us would pass some of the more indecent pictures that he had sent on of himself to his commanding officer!

MissAdventure, oh yes, and men too. There's a lady here (filipino, I believe), with her young son, divorced, lovely house, husband now gone (it makes me wonder).

No chance of anyone getting their hands on my money. £37.52 at the last count!

Just head to Egypt and watch the number of divorced women who holiday there, meet a much younger man who woos them, gets them to pay for all and sundry before divorcing them to get a good settlement so they can buy a home for their new young bride. It is rife and vulnerable divorcees are considered fair game.

Stupidity. And more money than sense.

Ahh, I think it's sad that people are so willing to be played for a fool in return for something that every single soul on the planet (well, most!) deserve to feel.
That's loved.

Many years ago I met a man online and we were chatting for several weeks and he sent a photo of himself (tall dark and very good looking) He worked in Nigeria, similar to Vampirequeen, and was building a bridge. There was suddenly an accident and 3 people had died and he was responsible for their funerals. He asked for cash. I said I didnt have any, so he asked if I had a credit card, which I said was already maxed out. This went on for several days and he asked if I would take out a loan. So, I thought I would have a 'play' with him and said I had a neighbour who was travelling to Nigeria and I would ask him to take some money with him and arrange to meet. He then asked me to go to Credit Union and I said I would, messaged him back and said that CU would not do the transaction. He then got very nasty and I was called several horrible things. So I got nasty back, told him I had reported him to our authorities. I never heard from him again.
These people have no morals, and it is hard to understand how anyone can be duped into parting with their hard earned money, but I can understand how easily it can happen if you are lonely.
As soon as money is mentioned, just run a mile.

I have an opposite story to yours Miss Adventure. I lived in the US years ago and had a lovely Philippino friend. She had married an American man and had an 8 year old son with him. She found out he had had an affair. She moved out of the marital bedroom and never slept with him again. She got a 2nd job (where I met her) and was saving hard for a deposit on a house so she could leave him.

He was very apologetic and desperate for forgiveness but she was not interested. Her love match had let her down.

Oh what a shame for them both, really. More for her, obviously.

She was a lovely lady. I don't know if her husband was just stupid or if he'd made the assumption that because she was so far from her family, he could get away with it.

I have another story of a young woman me and the other mums in our flats befriended at the school gates.

She had married an Englishman and moved over from the Philippines.

Her husband allowed her no money, no privacy, no heat in the house unless he was home and no contact with anyone.

When we told her she could leave him, take their baby, and would be given money and somewhere to live safely, she was astonished! She had no idea that would ever be possible, and thought she would have to just stay with him.

sometimes it's much worse, and the victim is killed.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8823603/Killer-buys-Viagra-night-sex-woman-home-pensioner-beaten-death.html

Sentencing the pair at Winchester Crown Court, Mr Justice Garnham said that Day had extracted around £30,000 from Mr Cornish during the four years she had known him.

He told her: 'You became a cuckoo in his nest, you were not content with his generosity, you wanted more, so you took it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I will never understand how these things happen so often. Same with people rushing to become intimate pen pals with known con artists and murderers! Just read a story in the paper, yesterday, mentioning that a man here in the states - who killed his wife and two little girls, for heaven's sake - already has women sending him letters telling him how handsome he is. I've been alone now for 20 years and would 100% rather stay that way than fall prey to someone anything close to any of these gents.

I agree with your post coastiepostie particularly the last paragraph about the victims.
There seems to be a lack of empathy from some posters on here.

Don't criticise the people who fall for these scams. The men/woman involved are professionals. Scamming people is their job and they're very good at it. The don't ask for money straight away but build up a relationship so that the victim is put in an impossible situation. Even though I was sure my engineer was a scammer, I still wonder sometimes if there is a young woman in Nigeria with only one leg because the accident really happened. I don't think it for long but that's how clever they are.

I think more research needs to be done to understand the women (and some men) who fall for these scams. It is far more complicated than just saying that the people responding are lonely. I would suspect for every lonely woman looking for love online who falls for these scammers, 100 do not. Many of these women seem clever, well educated and to have self knowledge, yet still fall for them. There are news items about these scammers in about every media you can mention, social media, radio, tv, newspapers, magazines etc etc . They must have seen at least one article on the subject at some time or another, but still they are suckered

Until we know exactly why the people who fall for these scams do, there is little that can be done to protect potential victims.

Vampirequeen, my sailor scammer wasn't clever. He told me he loved me after 2 cursory emails. My engineer soldier scammer wasn't. His story was so flimsy.

I'm sure some are better, but still. Who falls for someone without meeting them?

I watched a really interesting documentary a while ago.
A man lived a whole lifestyle; mixing with businessmen, people with royal connections, driving a fabulous car.
It was all a scam, every single part of it, and he had scammed money out of these people, all of them (as well as his extremely wealthy wife)

GagaJo

Vampirequeen, my sailor scammer wasn't clever. He told me he loved me after 2 cursory emails. My engineer soldier scammer wasn't. His story was so flimsy.

I'm sure some are better, but still. Who falls for someone without meeting them?

Who falls for someone without meeting them?

Lonely, vulnerable women who have low self esteem or who may never have known love but always wanted it. Women who fear abandonment but don't know how to have a functional relationship or attract the right sort of man because of their childhoods.
Someone extremely close to me has been taken in by a much younger, Turkish man who seemed to be everything she dreamed about. We watched on with horror and amazement from afar as this highly intelligent, successful lady fell into all the pitfalls that go into a relationship built on somebody desperate for money and a passport. It has damaged her further, her relationships with her family and left her feeling even more worthless. The human psyche can be so destructive.