My friend is a right wing racist

Racist because you don’t agree with her or that she is a Trump supporter. You obviously have not listened to some of Michelle Obama’s speeches! Goodness me you would think she would like to avoid US white people like the plague. She says we are racist just for being white. This racism accusation going on is getting really silly now. Just tell your friend, if want to stay friends, that you really don’t want to fall out over politics.

Nope, life is too short and your health a priority. Save your good self for those who appreciate you for who you are and what you stand for. By all means, if it makes you feel better, tell her in no uncertain terms that you simply can not and will not tolerate her attitude as it is detrimental to your well-being and say goodbye. I too have clung onto 'old friends' while biting my lip but their toxicity lasts longer than the time I spend with them. Nope, write her off. I know it sounds cruel and heartless but you are being used for her to vent her feelings and dumping them on you. Does she listen to your version of your truth? I doubt it. I hope you will spend your time with people who are not necessarily 'on your side' but with those who can hold interesting and challenging adult debates and share their views without prejudice, that way we can all learn something

Block from everywhere but tell her first why you're blocking her.

Send one last message, like others advise, telling her that your friendship has ended because of her political views and her racism. Then block her on every single means of communication. Fortunately she is in another country.
I had to end a friendship once - with a neighbour - because I realise she had started bullying me and being spiteful, plus talking about me behind my back. I asked to see her and said that I'd come to the decision that our friendship was over, and why. That I would always cherish the many kindnesses that she and her husband had shown me, but I would not put up with her bullying and spite. I missed her for the good things but it did the trick.

I stopped seeing a friend who was racist. Whenever we met she just couldn’t keep from saying things like ‘they’re building new houses in the village - all for immigrants of course’. I got fed up with staying silent or tackling the issue, so I rang her and said we had too little in common to continue. It took a lot of courage to do it, though!

It was in the middle of a meal with other friends, so I explained my reasons and departed, I had to do that once too. It was very difficult as I was a guest in someone's home, but one of their other guests was holding forth with his bigotry and racism as we all sat in appalled silence. Eventually, with an apology to our host I got up to leave saying that I couldn't sit there and listen any longer without starting a huge argument and I considered leaving the table, and their house the least rude thing to do. I understand that the following morning, the racist was mortified at his behaviour, but he did not apologise and just blamed it on 'the drink', personally I think that excess alcohol reveals our true selves as the societal and behavioural controls are forgotten.

She sounds like a bully. She is in fact a frenemy. Not a friend. I’ve been friends with people for 6 and 9 years and I’ve had to let them go. I have two lovely friends now and that’s all I need. We can have differences of opinion without mortal combat. The friend of 9 years I fell out with over something that was her fault. We got back together but it was never the same and that incident was always in the background so we parted company. I realised the other lady was just using me as an electronic spittoon (email) about another friend of hers who despite constantly badmouthing her to me still kept in contact with her. I just removed myself from that association.

I ended my friendship with someone who turned out to be racist. It's the only way to get across to them that it's totally unacceptable.

SilentGames: you beat me to it. I was about to say that a newly-arrived Martian reading this thread could be forgiven for assuming that 'right-wing' and 'racist' are one and the same, or at least inextricably linked. In fact, the Martian - and many of the posters who conflate the two for their own ends - would be quite wrong. Being racist, in any form or guise, is wrong; being right-wing is not.

I dropped someone last year because of her racist views and outwardly racist behaviour in public! It was horrible, I was deeply offended and ashamed to be out with her after she verbally abused a lady in the street ? Not what I was expecting from her, a lady in her 60s working in the care sector!!
There were other issues but that really was the final straw.
You can only do what your own conscious will allow you to in the end. Good luck

Pantglas2

I had a work colleague I stayed friends with for years after I’d moved to another country - she was to the far left and very anti Semitic. I chose not to pick up again when I returned to Wales.

Politics is one thing I don’t feel the need to approve of in my friends but racism is a step too far, whichever direction it comes from.

Left wing is not anti semitic. Please dont buy all the Dailly Mail nonsense. Corbyn actually said of the report yesterday that there may be some in Labour and they need to ho. The real story is that anti semitism in Labour is no more than in the general population and must be got rid of.
It was a stitch up to keep Corbyn out of power aided by traitors or red Tories within the party.
We have been lied to. Racism of any kind is wrong. Corbyn has been fighting it all his life. Truly shocking what is happening in this country.

Bodach I think you'll find that most of the posters are able to differentiate between right wing and racism, and most have said that differing political views can be managed within a friendship whereas dealing with blatant racism cannot.

icanhandthemback

I wouldn't just give up an acquaintance because they were racist. I firmly believe you cannot affect change if there is no communication so I would take the opportunity to call out overt racism. That said, if they continued to be overtly racist, I would find that toxic so I would feel obliged to tell them exactly why I was cutting connection and then do it. What I wouldn't do is "ghost" them because they won't know what is so offensive about them. Although you might have very good reasons for cutting them out of your life, they learn nothing from being ghosted and even feel they own the moral high ground.

I agree with all you have said here Ican.

You can do without that sort of ‘friend.’ Don’t answer. She’ll give up on you eventually.

Cant you block her?

If you genuinely no longer wish to be friends with her, then simply block her. Problem sorted

I have friends and family who all vote differently. We all get along just fine.

Not interested in being friendly with anyone racist though.

I don't think that way of thinking can be changed by anything I could say and I wouldn't want to engage in conversation.

If you do like her generally then call her out I’ve certainly done it. In fact it should be done any how it’s horrible simple as.

One of the saddest things about modern life is the polarisation between people of different views. In particular the demonisation of anyone who, in the USA, votes for Trump, and in the UK, voted for Brexit or votes Tory.
Lots of political positions can go hand in hand with being a good person. Nobody holds their political views because they want to hurt people or make the world a worse place, they hold them because they seem the right thing to think.
Having said that...the one exception has to be racism, and nobody can be blamed for taking a firm line on that - if we stay being all polite and looking the other way, it's never going to go away, is it?
Families are a bit different. I have a disparate set of relatives on the West Coast, most are Democrats but one cousin is a real MAGA-hat wearer and has been heard expressing distinctly racist views. If he weren't my cousin, we would not be friends.
Yet I have to say, he's also kind, generous, adventurous and is a wonderful, loving dad who has brought up his 5 children single-handedly and I have to remember all that is part of his personality, too.

I strongly recommend "Why Can't We all Just Get Along" by Iain Dale.

I really wouldn’t want to be friends with a racist, I personally think that anyone who worships Trump must be racist I would block her from everything she can contact you on.
Or simply tell her you can’t be friends with someone who is racist.

If you've told her and she isnt listening to what you are say l'd put together one last message summing up exactly how you, tell her you would rather not message anymore. If you still have contact you don't want....block her.

I can understand it must be difficult to have a friendship when political views are diametrically opposed, especially if it's hard to find subjects to talk about that do not link back to politics in some way.

For me the politics would just be a matter of difference of opinion, and I'd try to find other common ground or agree to disagree on politics, or agree not to discuss at all and stick to other subjects. The bigger issue is the racism. I see this as an attitude problem rather than a different political stance. I can get along with people who have different political views to my own, who are religious when I am not, who have lifestyles nothing like mine. However, I would not want 'racist' 'friends' - the two do not go together, they are like a poem that doesn't rhyme and this sort of bigotry rubs me up the wrong way, leaves a bad taste, a bad smell, a suffocating atmosphere that I don't want to live with.

I can tolerate a lot of things, have had friends that make inappropriate comments or jokes. Once had an Irish mate that politics was a no-go subject with as some comments she made early on meant I strongly suspected I would disagree with her!

If you really don't want a friendship with this person you either have to totally ignore them, tell them how you feel then ignore them, or give them a blast on why you exercise your right to choose your friends and do not wish to include a racist (like her) among them and if she continues to 'bombard' you with calls, texts, messages on groups, forums, on your phone or online etc you will put a 'call-bar' on her number, block her, delete her, ignore her anywhere else in life. If she persists even then, inform her that the harassment will become a police matter. It would drive me insane if anyone bombarded me with anything - real friends would not do this.

While everyone is entitled to their opinion - even [and this may make me sound rather judgemental] Trump-supporting racist twats, I would not want them in my life or to count them amongst my friends. Good luck

Racism and all that goes with it is against the law. Have a look at the Equality and Human Rights Commission. It gives a list of all the minorities who come under the Act and of the disabilities included in it.

From personal experience I know that people in general have no idea that it is a crime to be openly hostile to the minorities who come under the protection of the state, so to speak.

If your friend continues with her attitude, you must tell her, show her the gov.co,uk site and explain to her that you cannot be associated with her in any way unless she ends her attitude because you do not want people to assume that you are like minded.

I agree that if you don't want to remain friends, for any reason, you don't have to. Just stop taking her calls. I also hope you're not assuming she's racist because she supports Donald Trump. Has she made racist remarks? Sometimes the true racists are the ones calling others that because of their political views. Trump's opponent has made many racist statements that aren't reported in mainstream news.