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My friend is a right wing racist

(116 Posts)
Newatthis Thu 29-Oct-20 17:15:21

I have a friend who I have known since school, who now lives in the USA. We lost touch for many years but met a few years ago on a school reunion (she came back to the UK). I have kept in touch with her since then. However, over the past few years it has become more and more apparent that she is a very right wing racist and her values and political views are so different to mine. When I speak to her, more than not the conversation goes to the USA present political situation even though I try to keep the conversation non-political and steer clear (she worships Donald Trump - and I mean worship) and although it is 'each to their own' and every one has a right to their views I find that I really don't want to be friends with her anymore or enter into these conversations with her. She calls through What's App and if I ignore the calls I get bombarded until I answer. I have tried to tell her but it is falling on deaf ears.

NotTooOld Thu 29-Oct-20 17:19:26

Oh, dear. I expect she will take the hint eventually. I usually find it best to avoid politics in general conversation.... ever since Brexit....hmm

Granarchist Thu 29-Oct-20 17:22:09

If you want to keep her friendship (do you?) can I suggest you say firmly that politics are off the menu. I was brought up that politics, religion and personal finances were no go areas if it was going to upset anyone. So you are happy to see her but if she strays into politics - just firmly remind her that the conversation will cease. Then its up to her.

AGAA4 Thu 29-Oct-20 17:24:21

I think you are right to steer clear of her.

biba70 Thu 29-Oct-20 17:32:39

Yes- we are steering clear of some people, including family. I can agree to disagree over Brexit- although it it getting harder by the day. But sheer and blatant racism, no- no longer.

Bibbity Thu 29-Oct-20 17:34:53

I would avoid her.
Pizza toppings is an option that I can debate with others and not have any falling out over.

Human rights are not.

BlueBelle Thu 29-Oct-20 17:36:00

I m afraid friendship and racism cannot ever go in the same sentence for me so she would have gone as soon as I knew she was a racist
You can forgive her being stupid or being politically oppose to your beliefs but racism is unforgivable and she would be off my radar completely Indeed I found out a school friend was racist by her Facebook comments and she is gone absolutely no room in my head or heart for someone with those views just gone full stop

varian Thu 29-Oct-20 17:55:10

You could attempt to enlighten her with good arguments and factual information, but if she is, as seems likely, brainwashed, it won't work.

If you do decide to cut off contact, I suggest a no holds barred last message to her before you never speak again.

GagaJo Thu 29-Oct-20 17:59:11

I had a similar dilemma a while ago. I decided to take the 'Remain friends but explain how I felt when cornered.' That lasted a month or so then I couldn't stand it anymore.

I do have another right wing friend. She badly upset a mutual African American friend with a tactless comment. She was big enough to back down from it and apologize. They're still friends. But she's a very Christian lady. She has a real faith, as opposed to just being a church goer. I accept her politics are different to mine. We just don't ever discuss them.

eazybee Thu 29-Oct-20 18:04:54

You have been friends with this person for a long time. Do you think her comments are exacerbated by tension about the forthcoming election, and that after the result, whatever it is, she may return to being the person you once liked?
I would give it a few weeks more before you sever all connections.

Bridgeit Thu 29-Oct-20 18:05:02

I think you have to be tough & pick up the receiver , cut off the call & leave the receiver off the hook. You can do it. Best wishes

Oopsadaisy4 Thu 29-Oct-20 18:09:42

I think that right wing racism must colour almost everything that she believes in, I’m not sure how you can find anything to talk about.

J52 Thu 29-Oct-20 18:24:07

Delete her from your WhatsApp if you wish. Put your phone on silent so that it doesn’t annoy you.

maddyone Thu 29-Oct-20 18:25:18

It sounds like a difficult situation. At least your friend lives in a different country from you, so you’re unlikely to meet her in the local supermarket. I would tell her that you don’t want to discuss politics with her, but if that doesn’t work I think you may need to drop her. It maybe the only solution for you.

sparklingsilver28 Thu 29-Oct-20 18:32:44

Why on earth does her feelings about Trump come into any thing. From my experience a Republican is a Republican and even if attached to a donkey would still be voted in as P.

suziewoozie Thu 29-Oct-20 18:42:06

Is she really a friend or someone you have known a long time and went to school with? Do what J52 advises - what on earth does she bring positively to your life?

grannyrebel7 Thu 29-Oct-20 19:23:50

I think you should keep her as a friend and whenever politics comes up you should put your views across and make her see that her views are wrong.

Vickysponge Thu 29-Oct-20 19:29:54


I think you should keep her as a friend and whenever politics comes up you should put your views across and make her see that her views are wrong.

I don’t think it’s up to the OP to ‘make her see her views are wrong’ they are not wrong to her however much she disagrees. My neighbour is a Labour supporter I am not yet we get on like a house on fire. Keep politics out of friendship is my advice.

biba70 Thu 29-Oct-20 19:31:20

Racism is not politics- there are NO comparisons whatsoever. Links perhaps.

Stansgran Thu 29-Oct-20 19:31:37

I sometimes think I am a right wing racist when I hear of people being beheaded and other times I love the world when I read the poet Rumi. He asked what is hatred. Worth reading but I wish more ignorant young men had read him.

trisher Thu 29-Oct-20 19:36:12

I have a friend who is very right wing (she likes Farage). By mutual agreement we stay away from politics we have other things in common. Perhaps you could tell your friend that you value her friendship but you really can't agree with her politics and would prefer her not to raise the matter again because it upsets you. If she continues to harrass you she isn't being a friend, then you should cut ties with her.

GillT57 Thu 29-Oct-20 19:55:40

I can, and have had to, avoid Brexit conversations with those people I know who voted for leaving, although it is getting harder as the approaching catastrophe gets nearer, but I do accept that they made their decision, as did I, after evaluating and deciding what was best. But, racism is never ever acceptable and I would not be prepared to stay friends wit someone whose life views are so different to my own. By not calling her out on her views, by continuing to be 'friends' with this person you are accepting and thus condoning her vile views.

welbeck Thu 29-Oct-20 20:02:50

how can you be friends with a racist.
just send her an email saying that.
that you cannot be friends with a racist, and that to continue to be in contact would feel like colluding in something you find morally repugnant and plain wrong.
wish her well and say goodbye.

sukie Thu 29-Oct-20 23:58:19

What welbeck says, exactly.

Astral Fri 30-Oct-20 00:30:29

Even if you manage to stop politacal conversation and stop racist remarks in conversation you still have a friend who "bombards" you if you don't answer calls...

That's not ok, nothing about her is someone you need to have contact with.