The Argy Bargy Bar...the lease has been secured!

I’ll bet it does Lisa .....particularly in that outfit! You’ll give the older customers a real treat though, they don’t get out much.
Ideas for eats? Laura ??
We need appropriate cocktails as well, people, start experimenting please ( with alcohol!)

We need more llama logs for the fire!??

Thor is making up a huge fire with the llama logs but it will probably be hot enough in here with Lisa doing her yoga.
I have brought some smelling salts for those who may pass out when she does her cat pose.

I might add some cheddar chunks, pineapple pieces and crows eyeballs to the spikes on the dead hedgehogs in the cellar.
They could be washed down with a nice little dry white chilblain ointment.
I will not come in uniform as I am often undercover one way or another, especially a llama hair eiderdown, I will wear a balaclava while I’m bouncing on the door and will expose myself in time for karaoke.
I thought I’d found the thieving low life who stole Lisa’s truncheon but it turned out he was just very pleased to see me.
I think Doodle and AGA could do with bathing in the poteen, last time they did that the bits of dead skin gave it plenty of body.

Hope Ixion doesn’t drop bits from her gloryhole in my food when she’s washing the pots

( mutters to self Sick of doing these bluddy pots)
Better find something soothing for my dishwash hands before Butch Cassidy pitches up with his bike.

Laura - beyond my control what gets parked up in my gloryhole when I am not looking.

I thought I’d found the thieving low life who stole Lisa’s truncheon but it turned out he was just very pleased to see me. Yes, Laura, I’ve been having that problem all day - keep thinking, “There’s my truncheon!”, but, no, it’s just another happy chappy....

?
Ah....what staff! So full of ideas and merriment ( and poteen)

Thor says he is going to wear tight black leather, a cop’s hat and black fishnet stockings on Friday, makes you wonder about Norway police doesn’t it?
I shall be resplendent in a black and white striped jumper, black jeans and a black eye patch with a swagbag in one hand and a jemmy in t’other.I like to keep things traditional.
The jumper was bought a few years ago when I was a size 10
( about 50 years ago) so my bazooms may overflow a bit.

Lemon doesn’t Jemmy mind you dragging him round like that ?
ixion, I’ve got a tube of hand cream here. Let’s rub it all over your sore hands. There is that better? What do you mean it smells a bit? I think it’s supposed to be Lilly of the V..............haemorrhoid cream

Doodle that cream was to go in the poteen. It may ease the usual problem after a night at the Argy.

.....Especially with Laura’s cooking! ?
Have put the chalkboard outside to attract passing crowds ?
Not that we get many tourists here in PigsTrotter Alley.
Anyway...it says Cops ‘N’ Robbers Nite on Friday, all drinks half price! ( Naturally I have increased drinks prices to double to achieve that)?

We use the small pint glasses too. Nobody notices after the first cocktail which * lemon* makes extra strong

The small pint glasses? ?Ah! The half pint glasses! Yes, full price for those.Only half price for a pint.

Psst. lemon I’ve heard a rumour that Light fingered Larry is thinking of coming tomorrow. He and his pal Percy Pickpocket and hoping to join in our cops and robbers theme and go unnoticed. Their accomplice Freddie the Fence will be waiting outside in Pigstrotter Alley to see what they get away with. I think we can send Lisa out in her outfit to distract him (well as much of her as normally fits in her outfit anyway)
AGA can give Larry and Percy some of her special poteen (the one with syrup of figs as its base) and that will give them the run around. ?

Sounds like a plan! I shall stand guard over the till while you and AGA slip them a Mickey Finn then we’ll drag ‘em off to the cellar lock up.

Doodle I think they know about lemon's stash of stolen inherited jewellery.
If you wear your mini skirt and red boa and entice them to the bar I will have their drinks ready liberally laced with laxatives and sleeping pills. We can then get them down to the cellar and they can spend the night with the llamas. I have made sure the llamas have eaten the things that makes their ..er...wind extra smelly.

I have prepared the buffet and added one hot offering, pan fried zebra and kangaroo aka black and white striped jumper. To be in keeping with the theme. I’ll serve this with crushed fly and mealy bugs decorated with moth wings.
My cocktail contribution is a ‘coppers truncheon’, creme de menthe, pale ale and a bottle of crushed blue pills.
I am now on the door wearing black jeans and Tshirt with a balaclava and sunglasses, I am wearing my red stilettos so that I don’t look too intimidating. I am picking pockets as the punters pass me, I have seventeen wallets, two watches, some dubious packets of Australian cellotape and lots of fluff in my nails.

Well done Laura you are fast approaching ‘employee of the week’ ??
Early yet, but word has got around and the bar is filling up nicely.There’s a whole table of good looking cops over there
( fingers crossed that they aren’t the real McCoy)... go and take some orders AGA
Mmmmmmn, this coppers truncheon cocktail is deeeelicious.
My own drinks contributions are ‘Ello ‘Ello ‘Ello! A magical concoction of Doombar beer, pernod, and Jack Daniels.
Stand And Deliver! Whiskey ( Irish) tia maria, and brandy.
I know, I know, what ( you are asking) will give these drinks a kick? Well, it’s a mixture of Sudafed, Bovril and Detrol.
An old family recipe ( for disaster) ??enjoy!

Thor has acquired pint tankards with false bottoms. You pay for a pint but only get two thirds. I won't give those to the real cops.

I recognize Constable Coppem from my last visit to the nick so beware

good looking cops?
Let's hope they're not from Derbyshire.
It'll be a case of 'move along there'......
lemon will have to say all the motley crew punters are from her household?‍♀️

Nothing to worry about....now we have a full house I have locked the doors and pulled all the blinds ( blackout blinds)
We can party as usual! We have poetic licence?

I think Constable Coppem has had one too many of your Stand and Deliver cocktails lemon either that or his truncheon has taken on a life of its own?
laura you are doing well as a pickpocket........can I have my watch back please ?
AGA I think lemon has a false bottom. It’s how she manages to drink so much.
ixion let’s go and see who AGA’s got trapped in the cellar. Phew ...whatever did you feed my llamas ....... is there a danger of ignition do you think??

They broke into the kitchen and stole all the food Laura had spent hours making so don't light a match near them.