Gransnet forums


Obeying the rules.

(38 Posts)
Doodledog Wed 18-Nov-20 11:57:26

This is not a thread about a thread, but is inspired by a comment on another one about not watching daytime TV because of something the poster's mother used to say.

I was chatting to a friend the other day, and she made a similar (but different) comment about what she called 'self-imposed life rules', and the thread on here reminded me. Obviously we all have standards about all sorts of things that we just automatically do or don't do, but I wonder how many people impose 'rules' on themselves when they don't need to?

My mum sets an alarm so she doesn't 'oversleep' past 7.00 am. She is 90, lives alone and as far as I can see there is no reason why she needs to be up at 7.00 if she is still asleep. I'm not criticising, however - it is entirely her choice - but I find it interesting.

The friend I mentioned will 'allow' herself to watch TV before 7.00pm, but only if it is News, Parliament Channel or a similarly informative programme. Entertainment has to happen after 7.00 pm, which seems to me arbitrary, particularly in a lockdown when our routines are disrupted anyway.

Do you have rules? I'm not just meaning for TV watching, but anything. Food, clothing, whatever. Do you do things just because your mother did, or do you reason that the world has changed and rules should change with it?

dragonfly46 Wed 18-Nov-20 12:00:41

I try not to drink alcohol before 6pm and only at weekends.

I must do all my housework and chores before treating myself to a coffee. As you can see they don't take long!!!

Chewbacca Wed 18-Nov-20 12:01:16

The only days I have "rules of life" are on the 3 days a week that I work. I'm afraid that the structure of my days has gone to hell in a handcart apart from those 3 days.

MissAdventure Wed 18-Nov-20 12:05:42

No, I don't think I impose any rules, but I will have to ponder, in case I have forgotten something.

I'm quite a stickler for the rules at work, but not on my own time.
(The absolute worst, though, is anyone else trying to impose rules on me)

MawBe Wed 18-Nov-20 12:11:43

For the first time in my life - now on my own - I am answerable to nobody but myself although the DDs are happier when I can tell them of any activities (Bergerac at 4 in the afternoon doesn’t count - but pottering in the garden seems to be acceptable)
So the short answer is No.
I may hope to do my 10,000 steps, be up and out first thing but I do not beat myself up when the spirit was willing etc etc.

GillT57 Wed 18-Nov-20 12:17:31

It is funny how we impose rules on ourselves. I find it very difficult to sit and read a book during the day ( but I am working on it!), but will read a newspaper on the rare occasions that I buy one, maybe I feel that one is informative and one indulgence? I don't drink alcohol before 6pm, and try to limit my glass or two of wine to the weekends, a habit from working I suppose, but it would be too easy to slip into the glass of wine every night habit.

MamaCaz Wed 18-Nov-20 12:19:01

Whatever my mum did / does , I probably do the opposite. I was always an awkward child, and nothing's really changed!

She wouldn't dream of changing into night clothes, or even 'comfortable' clothes, before bedtime. I often have mine on before it's even dark in winter.

Until recent years, she wouldn't allow herself to watch TV until at least 4 pm. That started changing after both she and my late dad became fully retired, starting with breakfast TV, then the midday news, and she now watches a lot more since my dad died.
I rarely watch daytime TV (unlike my OH), but I dont have a 'rule' on it - i just have a lot of things I would rather be doing.

She irons almost everything. I iron the bare minimum.

She still insists breakfast is essential, the most important meal of the day. Needless to say, I often skip it if I feel I have overindulged the day before.

"Only babies and old people sleep during the day" has always been her saying.
If I've slept badly the night before, I see nothing wrong with a brief nap during the day if I feel particularly tired and it doesn't interfere affect anyone else.

And so it goes on ...

Missfoodlove Wed 18-Nov-20 12:27:32

Here goes......

1, No alcohol before 6pm or during the week unless on holiday, celebrating etc.
2, No sitting down until after dinner has been cleared away.
3, No daytime tv unless ill.
4, No laundry to be done on a Sunday or bank holiday.
5,When buying clothes/shoes one in one out rule.
6 No processed food other than baked beans and Heinz tomato soup.
7, Monday mornings are admin.

I could go on but it gets petty and I don’t want to be carted away in a cardigan that fastens at the back😉.

I am really not dull or rigid!
I was anorexic as a teenager so I think my need for some control has to be fulfilled!

M0nica Wed 18-Nov-20 18:04:21

I like to be up by 6.00am, otherwise I lose the day, so the alarm is set

Always get properly dressed unless unwell.

Keep house tidy, I cannot function unless my immediate environment is orderly.

Eat food, not too much mostly plants: If it came from a plant eat it, if it was made in a plant, do not (not my words) but a good summary).

phoenix Wed 18-Nov-20 18:31:22

Oh heavens! I'm a heathen/slattern/lush/hoarder (delete where not applicable) by some standards!

Getting my tin hat and going behind the sofa.

grannyqueenie Wed 18-Nov-20 18:41:30

Budge up behind that sofa phoenix, surely I can’t be the only one wanting to join you?

Doodledog Wed 18-Nov-20 18:44:09

I only set the alarm if I have to be up early. Otherwise, I will sleep for as long as I need to. As a life-long insomniac, there are times when I've had a total of maybe 12 hours sleep in a week, and when the day comes that I can sleep all day I grab it gratefully.

I'm generally not a lover of rules that only involve me. I am a stickler for being punctual and honouring arrangements, but that is more about not letting others down - when it comes to daily life I feel that people should be able to be themselves in their own homes, and if that means staying in pyjamas all day, so be it, so long as they are happy with that.

I don't mind about TV watching at any hour. I don't watch more than I'm comfortable with in any case. I don't need rules to force myself to do the things I want to do, so if I want to sit down with a film in the afternoon I do, and don't feel guilty about that.

Foodwise, I treat myself to things if I want to, but overall I eat fairly healthily. I have gained weight in lockdown, but that is because I'm not getting enough exercise.

I do have a few rules about clothes - I don't like to see hems hanging below jackets or coats, and I much prefer bottom half clothes to be darker in colour that top halves (odd, I know, but I can't help it grin). I think the hem thing comes from my younger days (and I know that most younger people don't care about it at all), but the colour one is just me.

I am enjoying not having to live with the constraints that work brings; and not setting the alarm, eating when I feel like it and not because it is lunchtime, going to bed when I'm tired and watching TV in the daytime are all things that I couldn't do when I was working, and I don't see the point in not doing them for the sake of it.

Iam64 Wed 18-Nov-20 18:53:20

This is an interesting thread Doodledog. It's made me think about self imposed rules but particularly rules during this weird time in our lives.

I don't have a rule but I have an expectation that I will have my first cup of tea between 6.30 - 7am. Usually Mr i makes this because he wakes earlier than I do and will have been in 'the study ' aka the spare bedroom or dad's cave - since silly o'clock reading, writing and generally being busy. I have my tea in bed , accompanied with that spaniel who is full of joy at being allowed upstairs.

A long dog walk happens in the morning, every morning. It did pre lockdown but feels totally essential these days.

I do something jolly in the afternoon. Like tidying the garden if it isn't pouring down, as it so often is. I've been teaching myself to draw and paint during lockdown so I'll spend an hour or two doing that.

I do not have my glass of wine before 6 pm earliest under any circumstances. That feels like my only 'rule'. Its one, or max 1 1/2 because a) I enjoy this and b) I spent too much time around folks who couldn't stop once they started.

the more I reflect, the more I realise I wouldn't call my routines rules (except wine o'clock) but they're an increasingly important part of my life. I'm managing thank you but this lockdown, not doing child care, not having my grandchildren stay the night, in fact in current lockdown nt having them or their parents in my house -it is not enjoyable. I suspect structure and routine is more important than it used to be

Jaxjacky Wed 18-Nov-20 19:11:25

Initially thought I/we didn’t have any, but we do!
Dinner dishes cleared/washed up soon after eating
Get dressed as soon as we get up, get undressed at bedtime (may change into joggers after shower or bath, don’t own nightwear)
Drinks after 5, water with dinner
No rules on TV watching
I try and ring at least one person every other day, especially those on their own
Housework when I notice it, apart from toilets, every day.
Rarely wash cars, clean windows or wash out bins, lazy cow really!!

Whitewavemark2 Wed 18-Nov-20 19:21:56

No, no rules😄. I would feel uncomfortable with that, it would feel weird to me.

But I get up when I wake, and as I’m a lark, that is usually early but I do tend to rise with the sun. So very early in the summer and at the moment I’m stirring by 6.30.

I do have a routine - well for one day a week, which is Monday - housework. Get that out if the way and I’m a free spirit to do with the day and week as I please.

Some days I am very productive, perhaps, craft or art or gardening or cooking or whatever, other days I might spend the days chatting to family or friends or even just reading. Sometimes (not often) I might watch television in the afternoon if there is something I have recorded that I fancy watching it. I can’t understand the rule about only doing an activity at a certain time. Not sure of the point.

So I absolutely have no rules but my aim is to enjoy every day and be grateful to be able to do so

sodapop Wed 18-Nov-20 19:27:27

Prefer to get all my chores done before going out
No coffee or breakfast until the dogs have been walked
No reading until work is done ( made to be broken )
Limit GN time to a reasonable level

I like to have some structure to my day, wish I could be a bit more relaxed,

Hetty58 Wed 18-Nov-20 19:39:29

I have a strict 'rule' to defy all rules and routines and just do my own thing. I deliberately change and mix things up. I'm retired now - so it's playtime for me!

52bright Wed 18-Nov-20 19:44:05

Didn't think I had rules since I retired until this thread gave me food for thought.

I am a night owl, husband is an early bird. Under no circumstances wake me up before 8.00.

Day time tv is off limits unless someone is ill. Don't know why ...just seems decadent and time wasting which is hilarious really as I 'waste' time all day long, reading, going on gransnet ext ext. I think the day time tv thing is a throw back to my childhood.

Pantglas2 Wed 18-Nov-20 19:46:23

Gosh this one’s interesting, Doodledog!

Food - Have to clear up after myself as I cook. No pudding unless main meal is eaten. No throwing food away. No turning produce away. Kitchen floor mopped each evening (it’s tiny)

Clothes - wardrobe clear out each spring and autumn with anything unworn that year in the charity bag. Clean all boots in spring ready for autumn. Buy nothing dry cleaning.

Alcohol - no drink driving, alone or every night.

I think that’s enough self imposed restrictions at my age🧐

Atqui Wed 18-Nov-20 20:02:22

Oh dear ! The only rule I have is to floss my teeth every night.

PamelaJ1 Wed 18-Nov-20 20:10:30

Eating in the street. I just can’t do it unless it’s ice cream or fish and chips in a seaside setting.

Harris27 Wed 18-Nov-20 20:23:16

This is so funny my mil used to do the same about setting the clock she was 95 when she died never had a job past 30 and had similiar rituals. Breakfast at 8am cup a soup 9.30 lunch at 12 tea at 4 and another cuppa at 8 and paracetamol every four hours. 8 12 4 8pm crazy! Me I’m normal but I treat myself to a wine after 7 pm! 🤣🤣

BlueSky Wed 18-Nov-20 20:36:16

Shoes off at the door. I would like all visitors to do this but realise it’s not always feasible. I do suffer when somebody walks in with shoes on.
Change into comfy old clothes straight away.
Up to bed at 12.30, out of bed at 7.30, two Nespresso coffee before doing anything else while checking news and social media. Don’t talk to me until then!

NfkDumpling Wed 18-Nov-20 20:43:47

No rules in particular although, like PamelaJ1 I don't like eating in the street. I love food and prefer to sit quietly and savour it.

My only real rule is to achieve something each day. It doesn't need to be anything spectacular. All the ironing done or a cake baked. Something positive.

pollyperkins Wed 18-Nov-20 22:40:17

Like one or two others we never put the tv on until 6.00 (for the news) - it just seems decadent & time wasting otherwise (though I’m happy to waste time reading which seems more ‘worthy’)!! However I also waste time on my phone watsapping the children & also on facebook & gransnet.
All meals are eaten at the table and we never skip a meal though try not to overeat.
Don’t drink until the evening & limit myself to one glass of wine per night except at weekends. Chocolate only st weekends. Those two more to do with keeping weight down than anything else (my parents never drank!)
I never eat in the street (except icecream.) or comb my hair, put on lipstick Etc in public ( common my other would have said.)
Never spend the day or even the evening in nightwear though I’m often a bit late getting dressed (have breakfast in my dressing gown then read the paper & check emails).
Happy to sleep in in the mornings though and slow starting the day.
Heavens. Didn’t think I had so many rules.
Slovenly about cleaning I’m afraid but always clear away & wash up (not always very promptly- I like to sit with a cup of coffee first. )