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Is this normal?

(52 Posts)
greeneyes57 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:28:31

My adult daughter asked me to come to her place at 2pm till 9pm to look after her son. I arrived 15 minutes earlier as I had to take a different way .When I got to her place I apologised for being early, and she said that "this was not the plan, she is now frazzled and was angry that I did not respect her. She said" next time wait in the car if you are early". So I went and sat outside for 15 minutes as i felt uncomfortable and felt I was in the way. I was upset and told her how I felt. Then a fight started, she was screaming in my face and said I was .....crazy. Then she told me to leave. I just can't believe this all happened because of arriving early. Its not normal behavior. She is stressed with her job and is always busy, but that is no reason to take it out on me.

Whitewavemark2 Fri 11-Dec-20 10:30:37

No that isn’t normal and I think your daughter may need help.

Gently does it.

annsixty Fri 11-Dec-20 10:41:55

I am so sorry that this happened but I think COVID and lockdown are responsible for many being taken to the edge and sadly sometimes beyond .
A couple on my road were found dead just weeks ago, murder/ suicide, and the preliminary inquest is investigating the effects of COVID on the terrible effects before the full inquest in MarchMental health is being affected bu many, many people.
Ring your D and chat about it and if you are not happy suggest she needs to talk to someone about how she is coping.

DillytheGardener Fri 11-Dec-20 10:50:07

That is completely out of line, however I imagine she was frazzled and in a state as other posters have mentioned. I can’t imagine parenting during the pandemic so I think she should be given a little leeway on outbursts. Your DD probably has so much on her plate and it’s safe to vent and take it out on mum, I’d try not take it personally.

OceanMama Fri 11-Dec-20 11:24:40

No, that's not right. She asked you to do her a favour and look after her son then blew up because you were a little early? I'd doubt this has anything to do with you being early and everything to do with something else completely unrelated. I'd be concerned to make sure she is okay when things have settled down a bit. She sounds stressed.

Urmstongran Fri 11-Dec-20 12:23:58


aggie Fri 11-Dec-20 12:26:20




Luckygirl Fri 11-Dec-20 12:35:04

I am sure that you are aware that this is far from normal. I am sure you must be worried for her and for her son.

Violettham Fri 11-Dec-20 12:41:41

Greeneyes My daughter would have been very pleased that I was there. I once arrived at my daughters and almost had new born put in my arms as I went through the door she was having a difficult time. I most certainly would not have sat in a car outside. May be as others have suggested she needs m3edical help.

felice Fri 11-Dec-20 12:44:18

DD is very stressed at the moment, we tend to rant at each other occasionally, me yesterday.
We love and understand each other and it really helps to get things of our chests.
One of the things that DD hates is when I go upstairs without warning, and I get short shrift and do not stay. I understand and try to get over it.
Please forgive your DD you do not know what was going on at the time and I am sure she did not mean to upset you, be strong and put it behind you.

BlueSky Fri 11-Dec-20 12:47:32

Would she speak like that to her MIL, stress or no stress? I very much doubt it. I wouldn’t get in touch with her, let her call and apologise. Just because your are her mother you are not her punchbag.

JenniferEccles Fri 11-Dec-20 12:50:53

Another hmm here!

Whitewavemark2 Fri 11-Dec-20 12:55:52

If it is totally out of character than there is something wrong.

I assume it is out of character or presumably you would not have asked the question.

If one of your children is clearly in distress, than as a parent it is your duty to help. Bugger your own feelings, rise above it and do your job as a parent.

Chewbacca Fri 11-Dec-20 12:56:10


Whitewavemark2 Fri 11-Dec-20 12:56:50

Would someone like to explain the cryptic Hmms? If you don’t think the post is genuine than say so!

Callistemon Fri 11-Dec-20 12:57:56

Just wondering how she'd have reacted if you were 15 minutes late?

Callistemon Fri 11-Dec-20 12:58:45

X post - my hmm was wondering about another possible reaction.

glammanana Fri 11-Dec-20 13:04:32

I can well understand your DD being stressed at this time what I can't understand is the total lack of respect she has shown to you just for arriving early,if it where my daughter she would not be having my help babysitting until an apology had been received and there would be no way I would sit in my car I would have taken myself home.

Chewbacca Fri 11-Dec-20 13:14:20

I'm on a babysitting stint this evening for DS and DIL. I'll arrive somewhere around the time I've been asked for, but if that turns out to be too early/too late and I'm instructed to go and sit outside; they won't have a babysitter for this evening and so won't be going anywhere.

Casdon Fri 11-Dec-20 13:19:09

I’m just wondering if she didn’t want you do see the house until she’d run round for that 15 minutes doing last minute tidying up - if she’s under stress it might be that she isn’t coping with the housework, and was embarrassed. She shouldn’t have flown off the handle, but to me that sounds more likely than her needing medical help as it’s two weeks till Christmas and she’s probably struggling to get everything done.

cornishpatsy Fri 11-Dec-20 13:24:39

Her reaction was probably not about you being early as that makes little sense.

She was either in a bad mood at the time and took it out on you or is stressed about something else.

I would text just asking if she is ok and you dont want to fall out.

There have been a few posts lately where they are not believed, I assume that is what Hmm means. Just because you have not experienced it does not mean it is not true. Trolling is not permitted on this site.

Moonlight113 Fri 11-Dec-20 13:56:34

Did she give you any idea of why it was so bad, you turning up a bit early?

Lucca Fri 11-Dec-20 14:05:57

Is this the same daughter you posted about in 2018 as always being abusive to you?

MawBe Fri 11-Dec-20 14:21:31

Mind you, my mother had a dreadful habit of arriving early when I was often rushing round like a headless chicken trying to get the place half decent.
It annoyed me then but now that I am a Gran and my daughters all live at least 2 hours away, I fully understand it.
What a pity everything kicked off - is she menopausal?
Has she been OK since?

Elegran Fri 11-Dec-20 14:30:11

Cornishpatsy You say "Trolling is not permitted on this site."^ but neither is saying matter-of-factly that you don't think a post is genuine. Just how can anyone say something which is neither condemned as trolling nor encourages someone they suspect to be a troller? If they are genuinely suspicious that a post is not genuine, they have to report it to moderators who usually err on the side of the suspect, or else they've to keep schtumm and leave others to be taken in.
Incidentally, don't take this to mean that I necessarily want to label this thread as suspect. I haven't read enough by greeneyes57 to have an opinion. She does seem to have difficult relations. Perhaps she needs to change her approach to them.