What to say

Write a letter.

Text her. Then she has the time to digest if she wants to talk to you or not.

Good idea, I'll add something on my Christmas card.

Send her a lovely card, less is more in terms of what you say, just leave the door open and say that you are thinking of her and would live to hear from her. Good luck ?

Maybe send her a ' thinking about you' card and write something nice inside.

Yes I would send a letter or text her. If you phone and she did answer she might not be able to speak freely if her husband is there. By sending a letter, card or text it will leave it to her to get in contact. I am sure she will appreciate your support

Why did you hang up the phone on the terminally ill husband?

It's awful to have someone hang up when you answer the phone!

Riverwalk, that's just what I was thinking. Why not just say hello and ask to speak to her? It's good to get back in touch, though.

Choose the words in your Christmas card very carefully - avoid ‘Merry’ and ‘happy’.
I wouldn’t’t send a text - so impersonal.

If you felt that she let you down and she was no longer a friend , she is still that same person even though her husband is dying . Would you be willing contact her if you hadn't lot heard her husband was dying ?

Whatever she did that made you feel let down must be put behind you if you are going to get in touch. Everyone deserves a second chance. Never mention it again.
Now she probably needs your friendship and you obviously still care about her so I agree with others a note or card to open the door for her.

I would leave it at no contact your reason for ending the friendship hasn,t changed.

If you regret not having been in contact with her for so long because you felt she let you down, then write something along the lines of
" Sorry, I haven't been in touch for so long. Looking back I think I made a mountain out of a molehill then,

I would love to hear from you if you have the time.

I heard recently that your husband is seriously ill, so I want you both to know that I am thinking of you"

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I also wonder why OP put the phone down?

Tricky one, I had to distance myself from someone I thought was a good friend some years ago but she had become increasingly rude and bullying. I'm not sure now if I would go back on my decision because of a sad situation. Do you want to revive the friendship and is this only out of your sympathy and kindness? It could backfire, sorry to be a harbinger of doom.

I put the phone down because I couldn't think what to say. I heard you were dying?
I was never close to him and always found him hard to talk to as he is rather shy and grumpy, only talking to hubby about football etc.

Ive also left it now as son is quite keen himself to get in touch. He used to work for them when he was a teenager.

None of us are perfect...maybe you let her down at some point and she never told you but continued the relationship?? I would send your ex friend a letter not a text. She can read it when she is ready...put it down and read it again until she decides whether she wants to contact you.

15:10kircubbin2000, I think only you can make that decision. You know why you stopped being friends. I personally would send a card saying sorry for loss. Then leave it.

What a difficult time for both you and your (ex) friend. I think that a card or a letter is probably best, it gives your friend a chance to read, think, and reply if she wants to.

And yes, I completely understand why you put the phone down when the ‘wrong’ person answered, it can be quite a shock and logic doesn’t always apply then!

I found this website, which talks about what to say when you have an ill or dying friend or relation, some very helpful and non-judgemental advice here:

www.aarp.org/home-family/friends-family/info-2018/terminal-illness-friend-advice.html

Hope this helps. ?

Not sure sending a card is the right thing to do. What if the husband opens it?

NannyG123

15:10kircubbin2000, I think only you can make that decision. You know why you stopped being friends. I personally would send a card saying sorry for loss. Then leave it.

Best not do that - the husband is still alive and able to answer a phone!

I only have one ex friend.
Someone I would have trusted with my life. No way would I contact her again as she eventually stabbed me in the back.
So no I wouldn't contact her again under any circumstances as I wouldn't want to resurrect the friendship. Reading this back this sounds harsh and dramatic. But it's my truth......