I`m worried...daughter`s 3rd marriage

In all honesty its nobody else's business who your daughter marries whether it be her 1st, 3rd or 10th marriage. When I married my husband his 3rd marriage my 1st, people tried to warn me off telling me that this was his 3rd and that it wouldn't last my parents included. They decided they wouldn't come to the wedding and I said OK fine but that isn't going to change my decision, actually they did come to the wedding. We married and have now been married 23 years together 28. I couldn't of married a nicer person, we are happy and do most things together our interests are the same we have 2 grown up daughters AND my parents love him. I would say just leave the door open if you can't accept her decision.

My adult son, and extended family, including my mother, my daughter's Grandma boycotted my youngest daughter's wedding.

Sadly, within a couple of weeks my mother died. Too late to make It up with my daughter.

Go to the wedding, those that don't wish t o attend may lose a very special occasion.

Hi, boodymum67. Out of interest, in your first post you say, “ we like the new man”. Who is the other person then? Presumably not your husband, who doesn’t want to go to the wedding. It sounds like your grandchildren have support from you, and sometimes it can be good for young people to see life isn’t always a bed of roses, although it does sound as if they’ve had a lot to put up with. Hopefully, this man will come up trumps, and things will improve. Make sure you take care of yourself.

I am on my third marriage together 27 years having had a daughter with each previous husbands, who both loved not only their own father but the other's father two. Sadly both dead but sorely missed by them and me. Marriages were not right but we all made it through, takes time. Hopefully your daughter's third will be happy like mine. All my grandchildren call him Step-Step, his choice as he wan't stepping in to real grandfather, just an add on. I am sure her children will be fine and after all if she is happy that will be a pleasure and relief to them as they go there own ways. They need to be free to fly not have the worry of an unhappy mother. You and your husband will be happy too. I hope he gives in and goes to the wedding both for her sake and yours. Good luck to the both.

Perhaps your daughter has benefitted from her experience and can now judge character more successfully.

Sounds exhausting at our age! But I would go and keep everything crossed for third time lucky! Grandson sounds lovely.

You are the elder and more mature of the family and surely have learned about people by now to a greater extent.

The best thing you can do for now is to keep an eye on the man who is to be your next SIL, without saying anything to your daughter. You know of her previous choices and what happened to those marriages, so it should not be difficult for you to spot similar tendencies in this third. You can bring up circumstances in conversation which might enable your DD to see through the cracks, but not in an obvious way, and not in a way she will immediately be defensive of him.

Do you know what your DD looks for in a man? Does she want companionship, sex, both, security in finance? Unless you know what she looks for in a marriage, it is difficult to know whether she will sink or swim in this one.

Does this third have similar characteristics to the others? It does not necessarily mean this one will be the same. Obviously she has not chosen wisely in the past, but perhaps she has learned to 'press the wrong buttons' so to speak and it is not all their fault. We can bring out the good in people as well as the bad.

Whatever happens, no one should make a commitment to another person if there are any doubts in the minds of either.

I am on husband number 3. This is a very different marriage from the first two. It is long and happy. It just takes some of us longer to grow up than others. Your gc need to be encouraged to live and let live. They will also make mistakes and need some family support from time to time.

DiscoDancer1975

Hi, boodymum67. Out of interest, in your first post you say, “ we like the new man”. Who is the other person then? Presumably not your husband, who doesn’t want to go to the wedding. It sounds like your grandchildren have support from you, and sometimes it can be good for young people to see life isn’t always a bed of roses, although it does sound as if they’ve had a lot to put up with. Hopefully, this man will come up trumps, and things will improve. Make sure you take care of yourself.

I meant my husband. He does like our new son in law to be..but he does not like social occasions, eating out nor getting dressed up. Plus it will be away from our immediate area and he is a home bird. I'm not going to try to get him to go. He does know it will upset our daughter. He has always been a very
good father so it perplexes me.

Thank you for responding boodymum. That’s a good thing then, if your husband likes him. I think you just have to give it time, and hope this man is the right one. Your grandchildren know you’re there, so I don’t think you can do much more. We never stop do we, no matter how old our children are. I foolishly thought it would all stop once our children were adults ? How naive we were?. I wish you all the very best.

My DD was engaged twice before she got married when she was 40. We regarded them lucky misses but she could so easily have married them. She has been married 4 years now and seems to be very happy.

boodymum67 , would your husband write and tell your daughter that he gives her his blessing but his anxieties will not allow him to attend? Or however he wants to phrase it. I think the blessing is the most important thing for your daughter to hear especially if her own children are boycotting it.

Your DD should put her own DC first, even if they are adults. In your position I would be inclined to take their side. Your DD has form for poor choices and choosing new man when one of her DC is not even willing to attend wedding suggests she may be making another poor choice. Be careful not to enable her.

daughter had a straight word with her dad, saying `I want you at my wedding to give me away!` he said, `Already done that twice and you keep coming back!¬

With a national lockdown looming, there may be no weddings at all.

I asked to think about making too many plans which may have to be postponed. I said she may be disappointed. She agreed.

We looked at 1920s wedding dresses on line together. It felt nice.

GrandDaughter is going to wedding. Not heard from grandson since he returned to uni.

Gonna just leave the subject alone for a bit.

Very wise boodymum, least said soonest mended and all that.?