We need to laugh - especially in a pandemic!

Just heard a Doctor on TV saying that during this period of isolation while staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start, and we could all use more calm in our lives.
I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Baileys , a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumum srciptums an a box of chocletz.
Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now.
Sned this to all who need inner pics, an tellum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby. ❣?

Piss not pics.

Great idea ?

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu - you get what you deserve.

love it Minimoon

Gwenisgreat1, that bath tub joke is brilliant ?, absolutely loved it!

So football has been suspended.
So for a change I started to talk to my wife and found out she got made redundant from Woolworths.

This one amused me ,

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR REDUCING STRES!

1. Thou shalt not be perfect or even try
2. Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people
3. Thou shall leave things undone that ought to be done
4. Thou shalt not spread thyself too thinly
5. Thou shalt learn to say no
6. Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy supportive network
7. Thou shalt switch off regularly and do nothing
8. Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive at times
9. Thou shalt not feel guilty
10. Especially, thou shalt not be thine worst enemy, but be
thy best friend

This is topical if you’re Welsh, best laugh I’ve had today!

Happy new year

Justwidowed ?

If only they could somehow get the vaccine in beer, then open all the pubs. Everyone would be vaccinated by Thursday. Just trying to help.

Just seen a news report about the stresses and strains of self isolation.
It reported that people are going crazy from being in lock down!
It was strange, actually, because I had just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster and all of us agreed that things are getting bad.
I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she always has to put a different spin on everything, and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down. She said everything will be fine, which surprised me because she’s usually the first one to apply unnecessary pressure and get steamed up over nothing.

Bob and Alice trying to economise during furlough, cut down on the home deliveries.
Alice “Bob you should cut down on the beer, it’s costing a fortune”.
Bob “Well you should cut down on the makeup Alice, it’s too expensive”
Alice “I only buy it so that I look attractive to you”.
Bob “That’s what the beer’s for”.

A tourist sauntered into a pub in Llandrindod Wells and said: “what's the quickest way to get to Brecon from here?
Rhodri the landlord answered: “Are you walking or going by car?”
The tourist answered: “By car, of course.”
Rhodri said: “Well, that's the quickest way."

Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing,” I said to my wife.

She said, “Wear your own then.”

I've expanded my skills.
I can now forget what I'm doing while I'm actually doing it.

I overheard a man say to someone "I can't work from home"

The other chap asked "Why not?"

"I'm a burglar......"

If this were to happen I'd be vaccinated by the end of this week

A man I worked with told me this had happened to his wife. (Really).

She had a medical appointment that involved an intimate examination. She left work early, went home, showered, changed her underwear, etc. (As you do!).

Tea time arrived and her daughter asked how things had gone. She said “it wasn’t too bad but he said something I didn’t understand - he said “you needn’t have bothered”. I only did the usual things but I used some of your Femfresh” The daughter said “I haven’t got any Femfresh”.

So they went upstairs to look. Only to find she had sprayed it with glitter!

!

How delightful and refreshing this is. I've managed to smile and laugh constantly without any spoiler interjections. Thanks to all contributors. Absolutely great!

When I told my wife I'd traded our bed in for a trampoline, she hit the roof!

You should be so lucky!

Absolutely love it Spinnaker and have stolen it to cheer up my friends.

?? Sparklefizz