We need to laugh - especially in a pandemic!

I've seen it before, but it still makes me laugh!

Thanks Applegran the weather here is awful so I needed something to cheer me up.

Very good. I liked the cats one as I have cats and talk to them------but no dog

Iv`e never understood the term ,
i wouldn`t touch her with somebody elses erm why would you?

I just read these aloud to DH. Thanks for the laugh Applegran, we needed that

My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.

Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.

Very good Rufus2 - I've started the day with a smile.

Keep them coming Rufus2! ?

What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.

Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”

Rufus2 Thanks.

We need humour to keep us going - thanks!!

Three Little Pigs

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The Three Little Pigs

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.. The waiter came and took their drink order.

'I would like a Sprite,' said the first little piggy.

'I would like a Coke,' said the second little piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner

'I want a nice big steak,' said the first piggy.

'I would like the salad plate,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' said the third little piggy.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

'I want a banana split,' said the first piggy.

'I want a cheesecake,' said the second piggy.

'I want beer, lots and lots of beer,' exclaimed the third little piggy.

'Pardon me for asking,' said the waiter to the third little piggy,'

But why have you only ordered beer all evening?'

You're gonna LOVE me for this....



The third piggy says -

'Well, somebody has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!

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Wonderful. Made me laugh. Thank you so much all ?

Just what I needed. " A fart to cover a cough " hahahaha.

You're in a mess if both happen at the same time----shuffle your feet ?

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass. It's the tortoise life for me!
1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years.
And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.
I'm retired. Go around me!

I like that best Gwenisgreat

Thank you all for making me laugh.

Happy New Year!

A great thread, thank you. We need to be able to laugh. ?

Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder

Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch!

The Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old-age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
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"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."









"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you
want a bed near the window?"

Love 'em! Thanks for sharing and keep them coming .....

What's the best thing about Switzerland?
I don't know but it's flag is a big plus!

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place