Birthdays

I wouldn't bother buying him anything now and just bake him a bloomin birthday cake. Some cracker answers folks lol

Why not suggest that neither f you buy for each other, much sooner put the money aside and treat yourselves to a special day out when Covid allows.

Well, I think my DH and I have it sorted! Birthdays we go out for a nice meal (well ... in "normal" times!). Christmas we often get something nice that we want for our home and pay half each. Seems to suit us. But this year was a first, he gave me perfume. I had to tell him which one, but after all "he's just a man!" Love him!

Buy yourself something you want and give it to him for his birthday...see how he likes that!

Let him buy you the book ( that you are not interested in reading ) then hide it so he can’t read it

[Calendargirl ]. What a miserable person you must be and to live with [ if you do live with someone ]. Birthdays with my family are a celebrations whether you are 1 or 100, family get together [ pre-covid ] at someones house or a family meal in a pub or restaurant and no matter how old you are you get the ''Birthday Cake'' [ with your age on ] and the ''Happy Birthday'' sang to them in front of everyone. [ Cringe ].Fantastic day for every one in my family [all 15 of us, kids, grandkids and great grandkids ]. You have no idea what you are missing. I f you have kids did you celebrate their birthdays?

Tell him just a card will do

Well Ellie in support of calendargirl - not enjoying the fuss of birthdays doesn’t mean one is either miserable or unable to enjoy the celebrations of others. Whoo hoo to you and your massive family gatherings. Let’s hope you get lots of attention and presents but some people crave neither.

Just a card will do with a fiver in

I like the empty box idea

I wouldn’t bother if he buys you things that you don’t want or like what’s the point. I know what I would do if I was in that situation is to treat myself to something I like, such as favourite perfume, jewellery clothes books. And I would do that every birthday.

Since your birthdays are both in January, why don't you either have a day out (when this is allowed again), have lunch then go and buy something each or for the house or go to a show . Or - gently remind him you both have different ideas about birthdays, and suggest you get each other a card but each spend an agreed amount on something you want (ior you could donate to charity if you prefer).
His behaviour does sound a bit strange and childish - is there something behind this from his childhood? We've all got our foibles though!
We've stopped buying each other Christmas presents and sometimes go shopping in the January sales instead. We buy each other birthday presents, but often suggest what we'd like. I am lucky, though, that my husband is very good at choosing clothes or jewellery etc for me even if I'm not with him. He's often even better than me at spotting some item of clothing in a shop that suits me!
Good luck!

Thanks for your support Nashville ?

Well Ellie I’m sorry if I come across as a miserable git because at the age I am, I don’t feel the need to act as though I am a child again.

I am not a sad, lonely old woman, I have a DH, 2 adult children and 5 grandchildren. Am happy to acknowledge their birthdays, make cakes for them and give them presents and cards, but don’t feel the need for a huge fuss and shebang over my own.

My sister is 58 and I’m 60. We decided long ago that sending each other gifts was a bit daft, so as Daddima suggests, we say “send me a beautiful card and get yourself something for about £30, and say it’s from me”. And we both really like it! If your husband is being silly, buy him something you would really like (lovely undies or nice shoes), and tell him you hope he really likes them (on you).

Why do you ask him what he wants? why don't you just leave it - if you don't want to do presents, don't do them.

I feel sorry for the OP. It is sad when adults in a relationship can't talk to each other in a way that resolves the problem.

Try getting him a book on relationships, if you think he would read it, or write him a letter saying that his behaviour makes you sad and how much more happy he would make you if he were able to .............. (whatever) when it comes to presents/ birthdays etc.

I made a list of things I'd like, from art and craft up to a camera! Was very pleased then to be given presents from my husband at Xmas ticked off the list. And with a January birthday looming....I get the camera!

I'm really sorry to say this but your husband's behaviour sounds very manipulative and obviously makes you unhappy. With it looking very likely that we will be firmly locked down soon, you can't really do much other than an online order so maybe an Amazon voucher is the best bet. As nothing that you've done so far pleases him, you don't have much to lose! Hope you treat yourself to something nice.

If my DH acted like this, I would not buy him a present, end of. However, as I essentially said up thread. I see this behaviour as a symptom, not a cause and think some serious discussion needs to take place in this partnership.

Anybody else get 3 large sacks of bird seed from Morrison’s , knocked down for their birthday ? This was for my bird table and it was a battle to get it into my large metal bread bins before the rats got it : The garden birds are happy ! ?

Gifts are for the young who would like and/ or need something. When we are older our main needs are met and we just need to enjoy each other every day. All this silliness is rather dispiriting

You both sound like hard work

I love birthdays. My husband isn’t bothered. I never had a party as a child and one year my parents forgot it, I was 11. I like to celebrate every year and I like to celebrate my children’s too, but they are adult now and tend to do their own thing. So many due young, so every year is a blessing.

I'm dying to know what book was it?

Saying ‘ buy me whatever’ isn’t a reply to ‘what shall I get you for your Birthday’ if he won’t organise a Charity Donation then tell him you will buy yourself something for him to wrap up for you, at least he wants to give you something.
As you know what he likes, Authors etc. It can’t be that hard to choose something to give him on his Birthday surely?