Jealousy over daughter's financial situation

Did you ever treat her? Or did you buy her things for her home or give her some pocket money?

Do you know I think this has been such a heartwarming thread to read. It’s GN at its very best!
❤️

Thank you Kim19 and CaroleAnne for your really kind comments. You made me blush!
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And no, LauraNorder (love the name, so clever!) I was a medical secretary for over 35y to a team of 5 hospital consultants. I loved helping the patients on the telephone, doing what I could to re-arrange hospital appointments, to always do my best to iron out their anxieties where I could.

It was lovely when one day, unbeknownst to me, that one of the consultants in the office signing his letters, had been listening to an exchange with a patient and when I put the phone down he said ‘do you know UG I really think you missed your way - you should have trained in some capacity as a counsellor’.

When I got home and told Himself he made me laugh by saying ‘that must be because your typing is rubbish!’.
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Many moons ago in the US I was invited to dinner by my ex husbands friend who was divorced but lived in a huge American farm house. I fell in love with that house it was perfect in every way. During the dinner I had this overwhelming feeling I would live in it. Years later his son and my daughter fell in love and he gave them the house. My daughter now lives in my dream house which is breathtaking in the snow. I’ve had waves of jealousy sadly but try to focus on future trips to stay with her , where I am totally welcome, loving and enjoying the house without the worries of heating bills, repairs, grass cutting, fence mending, barn renovating lol ?

Its natural to feel envy at times especially if things aren't easy in your own life. Its also natural for us as parents to want our children to have better lives than we did. Just be proud of them because we don't know what's around the corner. Be happy that they are happy and healthy.

Our car was 19 years old (admittedly it was the old style volvo estate). When my DD came to show us her brand new car we joked that we had an old car so we could pay for our DD to go to university and get a job that paid for her to have a new car!! But I think most generations are , as a whole though not necessarily individually, better off than the previous generation. I think we would all rather feel slightly envious about their wealth than worry if they were financially struggling. Your feelings are natural. They will pass.

Do not feel ashamed! Like you, I was a nurse for almost my entire working life. I was a Senior Nurse before having my 2 children at 34 and almost 38. I continued working full-time when my children were growing up - I would have liked to go part-time but the right opportunity wasn't available! My husband also worked hard and by 2000, he was an International Procurement Manager and I was an Advanced Nurse Practitioner - we had a very comfortable life! Then disaster struck - I fractured my spine at work and was found to have very severe osteoporosis. I was forced into early retirement at just 54! Not long after that, my husband was made redundant and became too unwell to ever work again! Bankruptcy followed and we lost everything we had worked for! Meanwhile, my daughter's boyfriend labeled us "Benefit Scroungers" and even worse, she took his side! He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and works in his parents business. My daughter gave birth to their first child 2 weeks ago, and it breaks my heart to be treated with such utter contempt by my own flesh and blood! So don't feel bad about feeling the way you do! I am absolutely furious, and I don't feel in the least bad about it, much to the annoyance of my husband, whose laissez-faire attitude makes my blood boil! ?

Urmst, the thing is, you gave that affirmation, respect and support to people who would never go to see a counsellor.

I think it is quite understandable you feeling that way. |It doesn't mean you aren't happy for your daughter but it must be hard when you have always had to struggle. Actually, if I were your daughter and apparently more than comfortably off I think I might treat you now and again. But perhaps she doesn't realise your are not very well off.

I really don't see that buying curtains is a "treat".

Urmstrongram, I think your message and advice is lovely and may be just what shchnackie may want or need to hear. Thanks to you for showing understanding and sharing advice that may help many.

I'm in a different position where I feel guilty. My children are living in rented, or here and I feel guilty they aren't doing better. I worked as single parent, no support and rented with no car. I feel bad they think that's ok as I worked to show an example, it clearly wasn't a good one.
I'd always hoped they would do better than me. My children work and have nice partners.

It doesn't help that my friends have children same age as mine in great financial positions. So, I feel envious for my own personal circumstances, they are financially better off than me. I also feel guilty that I've worked my backside off for many years with no support, and think if my circumstances were different perhaps my children would have better lives.

I'm from an abusive past, and whilst I have broken the cycle, j just wish I didn't have to and perhaps my children would have had better start in life.

Sorry I can't help but comment, six kids in the eighties? Wages were terrible then so you mustn't have had much money coming in even when your husband was working so why have six kids. It wasn't the fifties and sixties when birth control hardly existed.

Believe me, its better to have a self sufficient daughter than have one that is struggling through no fault of her own and not having enough money to help her out. There is nothing I like more to see than my children are doing well for themselves and are able to have a good life. Having said that, of course I would like to be better off and I do sometimes blanch at the amount of money they spend on "designer" stuff or the things they consider "necessary" to survive but I expect my mother felt the same judging by how she sniffed every time I bought something! Try to focus on your blessings rather than being worse off than her. Besides, in a financial crisis, you'll know how to cope but it will come as a big shock to those who have been used to having it all. It's all swings and roundabouts.

Been thinking about this..... I have a pal whose dearest wish was that she'd known more about her Mother's straightened financial situation before she died. She only realised once she was clearing up her estate. She feels she should somehow have been aware of this or seen signs as they had a good relationship. Her Mum was a fine person who always appeared smart and in control of things to me. I guess she might have tried to hide any signs of hardship out of either pride or perhaps even not to have worried her daughter. Just wondering if your daughter has a clue or if you'd want her to?

Don't know if anyone is coming back to this thread, but again thank you all so much for your thoughtful replies - and I've had a wonderful surprise!! I was feeling so very low last night, after the Covid death toll and Holocaust rememberance day so I called my DD and told her of my sadness and fears (nothing to do with money!) and she replied that when everything is back to normal we will 'all' go on a Disney Cruise, which would be my biggest wish come true!! She loves me so much, and when I visit she definitely treats me with meals out (just the two of us) and hair appointments etc. I feel so bad now for complaining - she would be mortified if she knew of this discussion, and that is what makes Gransnet such a wonderful support system! Confiding all our secrets and knowing they will be kept.

Great news Schnackie. It’s wonderful to be good friends with those we love. And to have great things to look forward to! Thanks for updating us

here's looking at you Minnie with the big black ears.
we expect a photo on here.

Thanks, wish we could react to individual posts like on Facebook!

Wow Schnakie you’ve raised a lovely thoughtful daughter. Be proud of yourself.

I expect you are proud as to how well your daughter has done with a loving husband and your grandchildren are so well looked after,I'm sure your daughter does not tell you what they spend their money on to brag to you she will just think you may be interested at what is happening in her life.

Great to hear this schnackie! You must be feeling joyous right now. x

Well..... how lovely and thank you for sharing. This will be my cuddle thought for the rest of the day. Wonderful......

schnakie Glad to hear you are feeling much better now. Sometimes we just need to offload, and then things don't seem so bad. I hope you have a lovely holiday.

I’m delighted that my DS and his family are better off than we ever were or will be. It means he will be able to contribute to our nursing care should we need it. Seriously, why would you want them to struggle the way we did?

But you know your daughter has done very well and of that you should be proud.

Why are GN repeating threads that we’ve seen before? This one as well as two others today have been featured in the week or two.
I look forward to the daily posts and it’s disappointing to see old threads appearing again.