The Argy Bargy Bar is back!

Blame the many hen parties going on.
You must have seen them - gangs of loud -nay raucous- girlies, dubiously dressed with dodgy looking fellas in tow?

This burner Nokia phone has been ringing non stop. They want to come and collect but we haven't even put up our menu yet! Think we're on to a winner here.
Shall I invite them on Friday?

Well, they can’t be my bloomers. I used them to dry off the llamas after their paddle, and I haven’t seen them since!
Sorry about your little stick of rock, Doodle. Mistaken identity in the back of the bus on the way home.
Great ixion, lots of punters for Friday night, invite them all! Do you think they like poteen?

The bloomer problem has been sorted. We were warned that the rozzers were on their way by one of our spies at the docks.
A witness had seen the hanging of the bloomers and said we had escaped in a coach with 4 llamas and were traced to the Argy.
PC Nic Kerr arrived but we were ready. The llamas were gagged and hidden in the cellar.

Doodle was magnificent. She had put on a demure dress and an innocent look. "Llamas constable? Have you tried the zoo?"

grandmajet was sitting reading the bible with a cup of herbal tea and ixion was playing hymns on the piano.

PC Nic Kerr had taken a shine to Doodle and apologised for accusing such lovely ladies and went on his way.

Lost our bloomers but I have ordered more from Sexy Sadie's.

?‍✈️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?‍♀️?????

????

Well, PC Nick Erless has made a good job of driving away my new punters.
They all just legged it when he turned the corner. Seemed a nice bunch, all wearing very substantial face coverings, which was good to see.

Phew gang we just about got away with that.
It’s a shame they have a new PC at the local station. The old Sargent Slipusafiver had an arrangement with lemon that seemed to work quite well.
ixion can you see if you can entice the punters back. Tell them their first pint is on the house (just don’t tell them what it’s a pint of ?)
grandmajet don’t know where you got that herbal tea from but my stash is missing from the cellar ?
AGA please will you ask sexy Sadie to make my bloomers a bit more roomy this time. I had trouble getting the others off. Perhaps Velcro strips down the sides for quick release?
Brilliant job all. What’s happening this Friday?

I don't think you'll want these particular punters hanging round Doodle, pint or no pint
(Mutters, sotto voce. Probably get our collars felt, unless I can get rid of this bluddy phone)

Back to our "Famous Women in History" peut être?

I have ordered several pairs of xxxxxxL bloomers in various colours. They each have a rip cord to tug for easy escape.

ixion throw that burner phone in the llama's water trough. A message just came through on it asking where the 'stuff' is in a very threatening way from Luigi and the boys.

I think whatever we do this Friday had better be in the confines of the Argy. Days out for us always end on the wrong side of the law.

Oh.
Sorry about that AGA.
I was hoping they would bring us pizzas as a treat on Friday night??‍♀️

ixion I hope you didn’t place an order with Luigi. Goodness knows what we’d get instead of a large double stuffed crust with extra toppings ?
Don’t worry AGA the llamas may not be of much use in the Argy but they are very good body guards. Not many people would chance those teeth.
I agree though, a nite in on Friday would be best. So I am still coming as Boudicca. Bare breasted and riding in my chariot pulled by the llamas. Turn the heating up if it’s chilly, I don’t want to put anyone’s eye out. ?
grandmajet who are you coming as?
No need to ask Lisagran it will probably be Marilyn Monroe or Ursula undress. ?

Sorry about the herbal tea Doodle, it gave me some very very strange dreams!
I’m going for silver lurex bloomers with pockets. I need to keep my bits and bobs safe from the Friday night punters - they have been known to trifle with them on occasion.
I think I’ll be Queen Victoria, I’m practising not being amused but it’s hard with you lot! I may give it a modern twist by transitioning into Prince Albert halfway through the evening. I can hide a moustache in one of my pockets.

If you can keep your bits and pieces in your pockets granmajet you’re a better contortionist than me. ?

???
Oh no, amused again! I must try harder!

I shall still be coming as The Lady With The Lamp.
It may come in useful if we run out of two bob bits for the meter.

Isn't candlelight supposed to be more flattering to the ageing complexion?

I have my Elizabeth the First costume ready, made out of a rug I found in the cellar. I will be the virgin queen. Very apt for me. I don't believe she was one either

ixion glad you are bringing a lamp as we haven't paid the electricity bill again.

Luigi and his boys may be visiting the Argy so we need to have the llamas in place.
I have a plan and have bought a big tin of talcum powder and some little plastic sachets from Dodgy Don. I will fill those and after a few pints of a very special poteen they wont know the difference.
When they see the menacing llamas they won't want to return.

AGA
I think they use Brut, not talc.

Any hint of trouble, you will be our first line of defence
I know I have the body but of a weak, feeble woman and all that.

BTW, Have you got a very tiny waist too?

Give them a swig of Doodle’s herbal tea, they’ll be having sweet dreams in no time. Then we hypnotise them with our womanly charms and lure them into the llama pit. Job done!

Yes I have a 16 inch waist ......or is that my ankle?

Feeble woman my eye! *Doodle, the llamas and I will see off Luigi. Nothing feeble about us.

Er, how many ‘boys’ does Luigi have?

Just the two. Papa stays home making the pizzas.
They have nifty bikes, too

Looks very like my bike!

Just two boys (hardly worth the effort) I think we can manage them without a problem. Before we make them drunk and dupe them with talcum powder, are we actually sure they are not just a pizza delivery service? How about we order some pizzas and see what they turn up with. ?

Roasted Mediterranean vegetable for me please, with a side of garlic bread. Oh, and a few fries. And a couple of doughnuts.
Well, a girl’s gotta keep her strength up.

Luigi has a pizza delivery as a front so we can send a large order for pizzas and he may be happy with that. Also fries and doughnuts but may be best not to ask for coke.
If pizzas are coming the llamas will be at the door waiting and they are a bit intimidating so Luigi's boys will just deliver and run.
We may have to wrestle the pizza off the llamas though.