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Being patronising or maybe not ?

(218 Posts)
nanna8 Thu 04-Feb-21 10:28:39

I was having a chat with a few friends today about whether they objected to being called ‘dear’, ‘sweetie’, ‘hun’ or such by strangers . Mixed thoughts on this. Personally if anyone calls me ‘hun’ I feel like slapping them but that is just me.

Beanie654321 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:04:28

When they phone me up and call me by my first name then I admit I find it so disrespectful as I don't know them so what right have they to do this. If I know the person then I don't mind, but if I don't look out.

leeds22 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:09:27

Love is the usual term of endearment in Yorkshire. I use it for DH and son but no one else. You just accept it when someone uses it in, eg, a shop. I refuse to use one local shop as the owner addresses his customers as Daaarling, makes my teeth grate.

KALISSY Sat 06-Feb-21 12:15:32

In my neck of the woods everybody of both sexes gets called ‘duck’ or if you are getting on, it’s fully. It’s a term of endearment. Men call other men it too. I believe it derives from duchess / duke and not the water bird!

KALISSY Sat 06-Feb-21 12:17:03

That was supposed to be dukky not fully.

Stella14 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:29:32

I don’t like being referred to as dear, darling, pet etc, but I especially hate Hun!

tictacnana Sat 06-Feb-21 12:32:40

I don’t mind this from some people but object when it’s a man. No real reason... it just rankles. ?

widgeon3 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:34:28

I suppose it is whatever one deems to be inappropriate for the situation.
In the supermarket, a young assistant, cleaning a fridge accidentally dropped a heavy metal grille on to my foot.
What hurt far more than the assault was that he just grinned and said 'No worries'
i was furious enough to see'Management'

fiorentina51 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:37:37

My father (a Brummie) would sometimes call me "me wench." It didn't have the connotations then that it seems to have now. ?

ElaineRI55 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:38:46

I'm not a great fan of "hun", but not sure why.
I don't mind terms of endearment unless it's clear the person is using it to deliberately patronise or put you down.
I've got a habit of calling people much younger than me "pet" in informal settings. I just had to be carfeul not to do so at work.

Bluecat Sat 06-Feb-21 12:40:31

It doesn't bother me. They're terms of endearment and are meant well. Here in Leicester, the term is "me duck" but I don't think that you hear it so much these days. Maybe it's a generational thing.

I have never been called "hun" in my life.

Pollyj Sat 06-Feb-21 12:41:37

Yes, I think I would. Too often used towards women. Never to men.

cupcake1 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:50:18

Don’t really like hun or dear but anything else goes as long as it’s not insulting. Most professional people will ask what I’d like to be called before the conversation begins. Life is too short to get upset about such minor niggles that’s for sure. As others have already said ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ !

Glasgo Sat 06-Feb-21 12:53:37

Yes Chardy being referred to as ‘hen’ really common where I was brought up near Glasgow. My dad always called me ‘flower’.
Only one I don’t care for is ‘doll’ brings back memories of a letch of an older man eyeing me up and down when I was in my teens hmm

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sat 06-Feb-21 12:55:48

I don't object. A man came to my aid fairly recently and kept calling me 'love' - it's too trivial to get uptight about. I said what needed to be said - thank you.

Lettice Sat 06-Feb-21 13:13:45

There is a particularly arrogant and patronising doctor in our GP practice. He stands at his door and bellows your first name. He stands over you and talks down to you - literally. On leaving the room I asked him for his first name. Why, it's Dr K.. says he. and I am Mrs L. says I. You have not earned the privilege of calling me by my first name. I was astonished at myself, but he made me so cross.

poshpaws Sat 06-Feb-21 13:15:56

I don't mind any of the polite names so long as they are said in a friendly manner. Up here in Doric speaking land I often get "m'quine" - a compliment since I'm 67 and the word quine means girl or young woman!

Harris27 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:17:10

Can’t stand ‘ babe’ been though I’m not one! But listening to people calling that name to each other makes me cringe! You used to get ‘ ok hinny’ years ago up north and I kind of miss that now,

Lin663 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:17:46

It is really annoying...I hate it: especially when men call me “Love”.... I do pull them up on it and tell them I find it patronising....

Sue500 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:20:50

I find Guys really annoying, and have been know to say Im not a guy! also dislike Hun a lot.

Alegrias1 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:26:59

poshpaws

I don't mind any of the polite names so long as they are said in a friendly manner. Up here in Doric speaking land I often get "m'quine" - a compliment since I'm 67 and the word quine means girl or young woman!

"Quine" is one of my favourite words poshpaws! At least they're not calling you a "wifey" grin

My mum gets called "quine" and she's 83 smile

Nvella Sat 06-Feb-21 13:27:25

Hate hun with a passion!

Nanette1955 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:28:47

Not keen on dear, makes me think of my grandma! Almost all others are ok with me. X

poshpaws Sat 06-Feb-21 13:35:25

Pollyj

Yes, I think I would. Too often used towards women. Never to men.

Actually, that's not quite right - my late husband found it rather endearing (if a little salutory since it began when he was an "older gentleman"!) that shop assistants and others would call him sweetheart, dear, or my love.

poshpaws Sat 06-Feb-21 13:38:50

Alegrias1

Love that your Mum still gets it too! They're a kind lot up here, despite coming across as quite gruff at times.

moggie57 Sat 06-Feb-21 13:39:54

I hate being called darling or luv.someone called this to me as a volunteer at the charity shop I volunteer at.told him I found it offensive after all I didn't know.told him just call me wendy everyone else does