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Overnight Visits

(64 Posts)
Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 21:58:16

Not yet as we dont feel we need to just yet but we are trying to work with. We are just trying to apply as much common sense as possible as I have found that it is rare today.

Smileless2012 Fri 26-Feb-21 20:31:07

As you already have a court order Chief have you taken any additional legal advice?

Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 20:19:40

He was in our care for the first year of his life and as the "policy" is ALWAYS reunification he went home when dad who was the cause of the whole thing was deported. Mom made it clear to us that we would not see him anymore so we were forced by that action to seek legal council. Now we understand that she is mom and he should be with mom the majority of the time and time with us should be visits but it was clear this action was the only way this would happen. We fully expected that our time would be at best maybe a weekend once in a while and were willing to except that. However mom offered weekly visits which of course we were happy with but very soon she didn't want that and began a weekly campaign of harassment about the plan she proposed. I am just wondering if there is anyone on here with a medical background that can offer some input on this situation.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 26-Feb-21 20:05:31

OP is possibly in the US where it seems that GrandParents have rights that we don’t have in the U.K.

keepingquiet Fri 26-Feb-21 16:40:11

So you had care of the baby but afterwards had to take out a court order but the baby has been staying with you every week? Forgive me for being a little confused- can you not see GC except in your home?
I'm interested in how the court order process works in case I also have to 'fight' to see my grandchild.

Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 16:21:16

Not really because fortunately or unfortunately we have a court order it was the only way to maintain contact.

keepingquiet Fri 26-Feb-21 16:21:07

Chief14 in what way did you have to 'fight' to see your grandchild?
Is this your daughter's child?
How old is your grandchild?
Sorry for being nosy but I may have to negotiate with my son and his partner for access soon and I don't know how it will pan out.
It sounds as if she is still happy for you to see GC but on her terms. I think you may have to concede, or even keep a low profile until she gives in?
I'm interested to find out.

cornishpatsy Fri 26-Feb-21 15:49:46

It is a sad situation for you. You must try to go along with whatever she wants as she has the power to stop contact altogether which would be bad for you and your grandchild.

Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 15:00:02

The problem is when she comes here she just tries to start .....problems is the best way to put it I guess. We did feel that every week wasnt exactly fair to her that's why we backed off. The problem is every time we ask if he can stay there is a new excuse the latest was my dad doesn't want to see him after he visits you. She did say she would come with him a couple of times a month for the day and she would call once a week...that never happened and on her last visit he said.." mommy why are you looking at me" her response..."BECAUSE YOU'RE MINE!"Kinda strange

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:49:05

Maybe she is trying to get him to bond with her?
If he is in your house then you are spending time with him, but they come as a package, she is his mother and I suspect is wary of you .
Your bond is as a Grandparent not his Parent, he will always be special to you and I’m sure you will be special to him, but I think that 2 nights every week is to much for her to cope with, 2 nights per month with her as well is doable.

Septimia Fri 26-Feb-21 13:46:35

It looks like she's jealous of your relationship with him. Does he have to stay overnight or could he just visit for a day or a few hours? Or you collect him and take him to the park?

As all the relationships settle down over time, he might ask to stay and his mother might feel more confident about letting him.

Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:42:37

The problem is that when she is here she doesnt want him to interact with us only her so we don't really get to spend time with him. We did have him for 12 months cared for an injury and got him through failure to thrive and have a very close bond with him and she is trying to sever that bond.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:35:27

Why cant the Mother stay with you as well?
Maybe she doesn’t want to be apart from her child again as you had him for 12 months?

Chief14 Fri 26-Feb-21 13:28:38

So our grandson has been staying overnight at least weekly since a month after he was born. He was placed in our care for his first year and then returned to his mom and then we had to "fight" for continued time with him and mom agreed to overnights 2 nights a week. Now she wants to end that. We are willing to give her the space she wants and suggested only once a month for 2 nights and she doesnt like that either and says she only wants him to stay if she stays. Also she doesnt like that when they come to vist he pays more attention to us than her. Does anyone have any experiance like this and what did you do?