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Following the other thread: how often do you call your children?

(31 Posts)
kittylester Fri 05-Mar-21 12:17:52

Or do we all wait for our children to do the calling?

BlueSky Fri 05-Mar-21 12:25:02

Course not! I’m hesitant to call as I don’t want to ‘interfere’ with the DiLs. Anybody feels the same? Do you feel free to call if you have a daughter rather than a son?

Lucca Fri 05-Mar-21 12:25:27

Good point. We always used say my mother’s phone only took incoming calls. Rather than phone us she preferred to sit and build up resentment if we didn’t call enough ....

janeainsworth Fri 05-Mar-21 12:26:00

I wait for them to call me because I know how busy they are & don’t want to call when they’re occupied with changing a nappy or on a zoom meeting or something.

But if a period of time had elapsed & they hadn’t called, I’d make an educated guess at what would be a good time to call, and call them.

One bonus with the pandemic was that certainly in the early days they called with sometimes quite irritating frequency to make sure we were ‘complying’ & not going to the shops, or conversely that we were getting enough exercise grin

nadateturbe Fri 05-Mar-21 12:28:07

Ditto Janesworth's post.

BlueSky Fri 05-Mar-21 12:29:03

Jane have we become the children already? confused

Alishka Fri 05-Mar-21 12:36:19

DS and family are in the US. We e-mail - lots 'n lots, most days in fact, as we're all political and there's loads going on. And the Grand now has a hamster. She seems to think he's photogenic, I'm not so sure grin

Grandmabatty Fri 05-Mar-21 12:37:01

I text rather than call but sparingly as I would hate to be thought needy. We are in touch most days though.

SueD Fri 05-Mar-21 12:38:47

I wait to be phoned unless it’s birthdays or anniversaries or congratulations for any reason. I had a mother (bless her) who would think nothing of phoning up to six or seven times a day, even whilst at work. It was painful and I admit to sometimes silencing and ignoring her calls. I don’t want to be remembered like my mum!

kittylester Fri 05-Mar-21 12:38:54

jane we didnt get phone calls checking but messaging 'reminding' us - especially from DS2!

This is where social media is a help because we can nudge them without being intrusive.

Grandma70s Fri 05-Mar-21 12:40:53

I leave it to them, because it’s hard for me to judge when it would be convenient for them, but I am almost always available.

If I feel they have left it too long, I would text rather than ring.

sodapop Fri 05-Mar-21 12:51:48

Whenever I need to or they need me. We are in touch daily with Whatsapp.

grandmajet Fri 05-Mar-21 12:52:44

Like others, I text/ message in some form, rather than call. We have some sort of contact several times a week with all four of them.

Tangerine Fri 05-Mar-21 12:56:23

I ring my children about every 10 days. Sometimes they ring me and we do keep in contact via Whatsapp.

FlexibleFriend Fri 05-Mar-21 13:06:55

I tend to text rather that call as they both work and I don't want to interrupt them. They both tend to call me every day pretty much so anything I need them for I'll bring up when they ring. Also because they both work locally and are both out and about they frequently pop in to see me and raid the fridge.

janeainsworth Fri 05-Mar-21 13:40:00

Bluesky yes I’m not sure when role reversal started, but the pandemic seems to have accelerated the process.
Agree with others that WhatsApp, text messages or messenger a lot less intrusive.

TerriBull Fri 05-Mar-21 14:43:26

Mine tend to call us, I tend not to call them in the week, unless it's with something specific as they're usually working and busier than me. I do sometimes call at the week end but I also agree WhatsApp is less intrusive.

maydonoz Fri 05-Mar-21 14:50:43

I try to stop DH calling them at weekends, at least the 2 with wife/partner, as I believe we're all entitled to our private time.
Usually if we don't hear from them for a few days, we call or send a message.

Doodledog Fri 05-Mar-21 15:05:44

I usually text to see if it is a good time to call, as the younger generation don't seem to like actual calls, and I agree with them that they can be intrusive at times.

My daughter and I WhatsApp most days, and if it gets into a back and forth conversation I prefer to speak. Sometimes I just want to hear her voice, and she's happy to oblige - particularly now, when we haven't seen one another for ages.

My son is less communicative (by a long way!), but we both know that if the other calls and we are busy, we can just say so, and call back later, with no offence taken.

My mum rarely calls me, or her grandchildren, as she says she is worried in case we are busy. We have all said a hundred times that if she calls at a time when the young ones are busy they wouldn't pick up, but would call her back (I would always answer her, in the unlikely event that she called!), but she doesn't listen. She expects everyone to call her every time, and gets upset if we don't do it for a while.

I think one of the problems is that all of us keep different hours, so our 'downtime' happens at different times of the day. Mum is an early bird who goes to bed just as I am sitting down to relax for the night, I get up after she's been up for hours and stay up late, and the young ones are busy working and looking after children.

recklessgran Fri 05-Mar-21 21:35:10

5 DD's here. I do what is known as "the Mummy calls" once a week normally on a Wednesday evening. If they 're busy or don't fancy a chat they don't pick up. That's the arrangement.
Suits us all fine but in any event by the time I've finished ringing round I've used up the entire evening. They all call me randomly during the week or if they need emotional support from me or practical support from their Dad.

Grannybags Fri 05-Mar-21 21:53:40

I never phone!

If I haven't heard from them for a while I'll WhatsApp them.

Hetty58 Fri 05-Mar-21 22:01:04

I've just realised that I never call them. Rarely, I'll send a text - but they always call or Zoom before I'd think to contact them.

Kim19 Fri 05-Mar-21 22:17:04

By mutual agreement, they call me. I'm pretty much always available whereas they lead full hectic lives. If there was ever a 'worrying' gap, I would send a text as it's less immediately demanding.

Artsandcraftsnanny Fri 05-Mar-21 22:23:16

Very rarely for my eldest daughter, she is always working or at the scout group or with friends (obviously before covid). I probably talk more to her wife!

My son, occasionally, if I want to talk to our grandson and my son hasn't called us.

Youngest daughter, I try quite often, I know her routine so I don't worry that I'm interrupting her, but her phone is always on silent, very annoying. I have to wait for her to realise she missed my call, and call me back.

cornergran Fri 05-Mar-21 23:29:57

Varies according to the son. General stuff is shared on a WhatsApp group. If I want or need to speak with one it depends who it is. If I know one is likely to be home I just phone as he lives alone, the other I message first and ask when is a good time. Do the same to chat to our daughter in law. Usually get an ‘are you ok?’ response followed by a selection of times. Life is busy for them all, we’re far more available than they are so it seems reasonable to time calls to suit them.