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My OH wants another dog

(84 Posts)
GraneeChrissy Tue 23-Mar-21 17:35:43

Hi. We lost our two huge rescue German Shepherds over last 18months. Hubby misses them terribly. I do too sometimes but quite frankly after 12 years I dont miss the mass of hair everywhere, (and constant hoovering) the mud/muck/wet hair that has to be cleaned everytime they come back inside the house and picking up dog poo from our large garden. He wants another GSD but I cant face it again. One of them had fear aggression, was a lot of work and constant worry when anyone came to our gate, but at home with us, he was a gentle giant. I've tried to compromise and suggest a medium sized dog which doesn't cast but he isnt interested. I'm the one who ends up doing the cleaning, the training and grooming etc and I just dont want to start it again. Its starting to cause rows....if I give in I will end up resenting the dog and him...

Aveline Tue 23-Mar-21 17:47:55

I can understand your feelings but I can't help thinking that once you get one your heart will melt and you'll be back to square one.
If you get one your DH will be resentful. Hard to know what's best. Good luck anyway. (l like GSs but Collies rule for me!)

Aveline Tue 23-Mar-21 17:48:36

That's if you don't get one your DH will be resentful.

foxie48 Tue 23-Mar-21 18:04:16

We have a dog and got our last one as a pup nearly four years ago. TBH I would be very annoyed if my OH didn't take my wishes into account, having a dog is a joint responsibility and I wouldn't insist on having a breed he didn't want and he would be respectful of my wishes. I don't know how old you are but we looked after my daughter's Vizla a lot (still do) he was a real handful as a pup, whereas our border terrier was dead easy. IMO There's a lot to be said for having a smaller dog when we get older even if we are experienced dog owners. Nothing worse than getting pulled about by a big strong pup. Good luck with whatever you decide and I'm sure you'll love any dog but I am grateful that ours is completely stress free.

BlueBelle Tue 23-Mar-21 18:06:35

If he is resentful then that s his problem you ve had 12 years of cleaning and caring and you ve offered a compromise I think you should stick to it Youre not saying he can’t have a dog just not a very big hairy one
A greyhound is big but doesn’t shed and they are lazy as hell so don’t need very long walks
I hope you can find a compromise

Nonogran Tue 23-Mar-21 18:07:31

I'm with you Graneechrissie, I'd like another dog but it's all the extra work, aroma and paraphernalia which puts me off, let alone the inevitable vets bills.
Wouldn't be fair to bring another GSD into your home if you'd resent the animal. Likely the hound would pick up on that?

Charleygirl5 Tue 23-Mar-21 18:21:45

If your DH refuses to help to look after the dog, sorry but there would be no dog in my house.

Also how old are you? Would the dog outlive you and/or would you become too frail to care for the dog and exercise it properly?

He is not being realistic or reasonable.

Kamiso Tue 23-Mar-21 18:27:09

I found a puppy harder work than small children. Are you both retired or still working? If he insists he wants a dog I suggest you go and stay with a friend for a few weeks and leave him to sort it out on his own.

Our biggest problem came when I developed health problems that meant periods in hospital and convalescing. I was fine health wise up to then. A friend helped out but she had her own 3 week holiday already booked midway between all that was happening.

Would an older rescue dog work? Though I have a nasty feeling that there will be a lot of untrained lockdown pups bought on impulse, in need of rescuing before too long.

MiniMoon Tue 23-Mar-21 18:55:34

When our last dog died, we made the decision not to have another one.
We are both 70 this year and another dog would be a huge tie. At the moment we are enjoying the freedom of not having to think of the dog when we go out.
I do miss the company of the dog, and would love another one, but it's not practical.
I feel for your husband.

Iam64 Tue 23-Mar-21 19:12:00

I’m the main dog obsessive in our relationship. Mr i probably wouldn’t have dogs if he didn’t live with me but, 40 years of children and always a dog or 3, he even began to love the dogs (never any doubt he’d love the children)
I do the training and the cleaning. I understand your feelings GraneeChrissie. GSD’s are huge, messy, heavy shedding animals. They need proper training, big powerful dogs and a fear aggressive/reactive one would be a challenge.
You have to both commit to dogs like that. If your husband really wants another GSD he must commit to wading floors/doors and hoovering daily. To washing the dog beds and towels, beds weekly, towels daily. To training and except using the dog. If he won’t genuinely do that, maybe he could volunteer at your local dog shelter. They’re sadly often full if old GSD’s who need walking.
Or, he could agree to a small, adorable spaniel.

Callistemon Tue 23-Mar-21 19:20:46

Or, he could agree to a small, adorable spaniel.
They do like rolling in cow pats, though.

I miss having a dog but I know it was the right decision not to get another one as we used to visit family overseas for long stretches. However, in the last year I have really missed having a dog.

It depends on your circumstances, your age and if you can come to an agreement about a more manageable and less hairy breed. Your husband will have to play a full part if you take on another dog and not leave everything to you.

V3ra Tue 23-Mar-21 19:25:11

Why oh why was it always you that ended up doing all the cleaning, training, grooming etc?
Does your husband like the idea, or prestige, of having a large dog like this but not the sheer hard work involved?
His attitude is very unfair on you!
You don't say how old you both are but just suppose, heaven forbid, your husband became ill or died, how would you feel about being left with a dog you never wanted? (Sorry if that comment offends).
Bringing a new dog into the home is a commitment for many years as you already know. Think carefully is my advice 😕

sodapop Tue 23-Mar-21 20:34:46

I know how you feel about all the cleaning GraneeChrissy we have just lost two of our dogs and I can't believe how little hoovering etc there is to do now, of course I would do it all again in a heart beat to have them back.
Can you not come to a compromise with your husband and look for a smaller dog which does not shed so much. There has to be agreement not one person dictating terms.

Ngaio1 Tue 23-Mar-21 21:23:37

Go to German Shepherd Rescue. Hopefully, they can marry you up with a dog who has been bred for temperament as well as looks by a proper breeder. I was brought up with GSD's and they are wonderful dogs if properly bred and trained.

BlueSky Tue 23-Mar-21 21:44:28

If your DH insists on a GSD he’ll have to take over his care, including the hoovering, or at the very least, share it with you.
I’m with BlueBelle another vote here for greyhounds!

Hithere Wed 24-Mar-21 02:12:00

"I'm the one who ends up doing the cleaning, the training and grooming etc and I just dont want to start it again"

So he gets the benefits of a dog without the hard work

You are doing the right thing on standing your ground.

Does your dh understand he has to help take care of the dog too?

Nicegranny Wed 24-Mar-21 02:37:14

I have wrestled very hard with my heart needing wanting desperately missing a dog in my life. My head tells me NO !
I have friends that want me to go and spend time staying with them and if l go and visit my adult children one of which lives 6000 miles away l would have to kennel the dog for a couple of months and it wouldn’t be fair to the dog. So l have resorted to borrowing a friends dog once a week and it’s taking the edge off my longing.
Also I think that your husband should take more responsibility for any dog that you might get. It’s not fair that you do everything for the dog.

Scentia Wed 24-Mar-21 05:59:58

You must stand your ground.
I list my dog back in November and I miss her so terribly but my DH has asked me not to get another one, I will respect his wishes.
I have got myself a couple of Guinea Pigs to care for and once lockdown is over I will volunteer at the local RSPCA to well the dogs for them, that will give me my pooch fix without upsetting my DH.

Scentia Wed 24-Mar-21 06:00:24

*walk the dogs

sodapop Wed 24-Mar-21 08:37:32

Good compromise Scentia RSPCA and other rescue centres need all the help they can get.

Patsy70 Wed 24-Mar-21 09:21:51

There must be a compromise here, but I do think another GSD would incur too much work, even if your DH helps with training, walking, cleaning etc. Either you come to an agreement on the breed, with focus on temperament, size and shedding of hair, or you could join a group like ‘Barking Mad’, where you can look after a dog whilst owners are on holiday. The area franchisee would match you with a suitable dog. It works well for people who don’t wish to commit to having a dog full-time. Alternatively, rescue centres are crying out for volunteers to walk the dogs in their care, and to get involved as much as they wish. Maybe a friend or neighbour would
like you to look after their dog sometimes. I hope it works out for you as these issues create a huge rift in relationships.

Startingover61 Wed 24-Mar-21 10:46:39

Perhaps your husband could volunteer at your local dogs’ home instead, once covid restrictions are over?

25Avalon Wed 24-Mar-21 10:48:58

We have just got a Labrador puppy (4months old) having waited 18 months since our last one died. Dh desperately wanted another although I warned him a puppy would be very different! Lots of hard work - pulling on the lead, biting everything to pieces including toys and bedding, picking up and trying to eat grass, moss twigs and stones. I knew dh would do little or nothing to help so I only got another because I wanted one. If you don’t feel that way my advice is DON’T.

Two ideas - as someone else has suggested get a rescue gsd that’s a little older and trained. Or you could dog sit and have a dog whilst it’s owners are on holiday for a couple of weeks. There are organisations that arrange this.

If you do succumb buy from a breeder who will take the dog back if things don’t work out. Also be aware there is a shortage of dogs and they are now very expensive.

Patsy429 Wed 24-Mar-21 10:57:24

I can so empathise with these comments. We have always had a dog(s) from the time we were married 52 years ago. Our last dog, a Jack Russell, died two years ago. All were lovable and soon became part of the family and my husband dearly wants another dog.

But like Granee Chrissy I am the one who does all the clearing up, looking at dog's hair everywhere and, if I'm honest, the dog training as my husband is far too soft.

So I've put my foot down and said we've had a dog all this time, now it's my time. I'm afraid that I would be left having to care for the dog as my husband is older and, quite honestly, I love the peace, the lack of dog hair, the smell, etc. that comes with being a dog owner. When it was colder I could wear my black coat knowing there weren't any stray dog hairs lurking on the sleeves or at the back. But, I know, if one was offered to us, not a puppy, we would take it, I'm sure! Just shot myself in the foot!

Mamma7 Wed 24-Mar-21 10:58:48

Our 14 year old rescue dog died during first lockdown after 13 years with us. Heartbreaking. We got another puppy a couple of months later - same small breed, no hair loss (very important to us) goes to groomer every 6 weeks, can go in sink for a wash after a muddy walk and best of all full of character and fun. Often goes on sleepovers to DC as best friends with DGC and then the house feels very empty. Yes dogs are a tie at times and need training etc but for us the good outweighs the bad - wouldn’t be without a dog, but it’s got to be the type of dog that suits you and your lifestyle.