The Argy Bar and Tea Room

Put some signs up Gjet

? "THREE SHEETS ONLY PER PUNTER GUEST PER VISIT" ?

Oooh la la lots of shenanigans upstairs in the tea room again today, I think some of the clientele leave a lot to be desired....

I will change the milk of magnesia to gaviscon as we don't want to have to buy more loo paper than we have to. Cuts into our profits.
The dumb waiter is ready. Thor and Theo will stay in the bar and load it with all the high teas and we can unload at the top.
No more stairs to run up and down. It was so tiring.

Thank you for listening to my toilet roll concerns, folks. I was forever replacing them.
You’re a bit late for high tea on the terrace, brook, why not come into the bar for one of AGA’s wonderful cocktails, and some mouse dropping caviar?

Those cocktails are just perfect ...AGA thank you so much they’re going down a treat ... it’s getting a bit chilly here on up the roof, is there anything on downstairs in the bar tonight?

Thank you grandmajet that’s just what I had in mind!
I’ll just pop home to change into something more suitable, what’s the dress code for the bar please?

Not much. That’s the dress code!

Here brook, grab a cashmere stole. All part of those little extras we are famed for?

Brilliant thank you, ixion I’ll try not to spill anything on it..
I’ve got a leather look jumpsuit for later ... it brings out the inner Bond girl in me ... will that do for later?

You’ll certainly be an attraction in that, good luck!

Ooh yes Brook, let us know if wearing a jumpsuit works...I may swap my furbelows which are no longer the attraction they were ?

That sounds very exotic, pant, although I’m not sure what it/they are!
Are you having one of AGA’s gaviscon specials? It saves time searching through the bathroom cabinet at midnight!

But don't take forever in the lavs, brook in that get up. There's always a queue, for some inexplicable reason.

Sorry I’m late folks. I’ve been into town to get some flyers printed for our Tea Room and the Argy with a promise of Wellness Spa to be available later. Those fancy printers, none of them knew how to spell riffraff.
You’ve all done a marvellous job. The till is bursting.
I’ve been to the room at the back of the cellar and found our old supplies of Izal toilet paper. We can put that in the loos. That will cut down usage as no one likes it. ?
Brook and Pants I hope you will join us for a pint or two in the Argy tonight. It’s warmer than the roof terrace.
We can have an impromptu karaoke session if you like.
Pants you can go first with your wonderful rendition of ‘Leap up and down wave your knickers in the air* ?

Oooh now you’re talking Doodle - karaoke !! I do love a good singalong....

Ooh Izal! I learned to read with izal. Medicated with izal germicide, was my first sentence.

Great, karaoke. Anyone joining me for I Got You Babe?

I’m up for that grandmajet I can put one of the llamas round my shoulders and pretend to be Somny with his fluffy jerkin. ? I got you babe ?

The llamas are a big hit with the Tea Room clientele. The Laydeez say they are sweet and Gnasher is playing up to them and fluttering his long eyelashes.
Thor and Theo have renovated an old cart and will give rides in it, pulled by the llamas, around the docks so the laydeez can see how the other half live. We are charging £7.50 each and the cart takes 10.

I will have a word with Doodle about cabaret in the evenings in the roof garden. I can serve cocktails and grandmajet and ixion who are both great singers can entertain. grandmajet's rendition of "I got you babe" is not to be missed.

We can make a fortune by charging nightclub entrance fees.

Not on chilly evenings, we can't.
Patio heaters will upset the green brigade, to say nothing of the methane from four llamas.

The Green brigade don't come anywhere near the Argy so no problem with them and summer is just around the corner with warm evenings.

I can fish out my low cut dresses for the cabaret. A selection of my repertoire:

Who Wants to be a Millionaire? ( lemon does)
I’m in the Mood for Love ( Doodle always is )
Fever (Covid special)

As well as I Got You Babe, with Doodle and Gnasher!

I think Thor and Theo need a bit of practice driving the llamas. They just whizzed past me at about fifty miles an hour, with the laydees clinging on, hats and wigs flying off in all directions. We’re trying to compete with Alton Towers are we?

ixion, I’ve knitted some beautiful llama hair blankets to keep the clientele warm. They do smell a bit tho. Should I have washed the hair first, do you think? I’ll just spray them with zoflora left over from AGA’s cocktails.

Sounds good grandmajet. Nip down to Sexy Sadie's for some more slinky dresses and maybe practise a few more songs. 'Nights in white satin' wearing your white satin dress or 'Singing the blues' in your blue silk number.