The Argy Bar and Tea Room

Oh Doodle I took his measurements and they were eye watering...??. Anyway, now that I’ve come to my senses could we borrow those pink fluffy hand cuffs accessories that you have? Purely to bring him in quietly of course ?

All yours Pantglas2
Jet can lend me her bolt cutters now Ryan seems to have disappeared.
I will practice that stare as an arrest strategy.

I have just the outfit for lurking incognito in the hedge while Jet holds her tummy in and does her (famous) pole act.
I am just sorting out some matching trollies in leaf camouflage.
What time does the client peg out her smalls out tomorrow?

Who is the mysterious knicker nicker? All will be revealed.

The Admiral will need to go under surveillance. I have my suspicions.

Quick with the peashooter, ixion, I’ve got him tied up and pegged to the ground by any loose bits I could find. He’s still clutching the French knickers, caught red lacy handed.

I think you might be right, ixion, he’s face down in the mud but his bum looks familiar.

Aw, c'mon.
I've not had a chance to wear my nifty outfit?.
On my way.
Tell Mme Fou-Fou to get her whip out, we'll tie him up with that (unless she's using it for her usual Friday night punters)

Now I know how Ted will feel if 'it's one of us, Kate'.

I think he was planning to adorn himself with the stolen garment.
Let’s roll him over then.
And the wee donkey! - it is the Admiral!
How do we tell doodle?

She won't be surprised.
But it'll be a very cheap invoice for the client.
A couple of hours of you holding your tummy in and we've got him?‍♀️
No comms, cameras, teams, stake-outs, interrogations, no calling on the CPS...

He needs suitable punishment and a long-term deterrent.

Answers on a post card, please

The Admiral, I might have known. He’s always had a fancy for lacy undies even though I’ve told him a thousand times they don’t suit him. Hope Madame Fou Fou will agree not to press charges.

Let’s get him back to the Argy. He can clean up after the llamas for a fortnight. That should keep him out of trouble.

Well done gang. Great undercover operation. You can relax for the rest of the night, drinks on the bar.

Er grandmajet you can breathe now. If you hold your tummy in much longer you’ll pass out.
ixion I think we need more of those outfits. Good camouflage for our next assignment.

Sigh. AGA please could you go and help out Pants . She’s handcuffed herself to Thor and in that position one of them is going to do themselves a mischief. ?

The Admiral insists it was his first offence, just a copycat crime.
He’d seen Vlad in a pink lacy pair in the bar. Maybe he’s not the only washing line thief after all?
Should ixion spend a few days in the hedge just in case? It could be like a little holiday!

Wot - with my joints?
Perleese.

Thor managed to get away from pants and has locked himself in the cellar. He said she had worn him out.

I don't think this is a first offence by the Admiral. I called on him unexpectedly a few months ago and his line was full of frilly knickers in various sizes. He looked a bit and said he was washing them for a friend. The friend must have had a serious problem as the knickers were in sizes from 6 - 24.

Worn him out, AGA ? - he went into a decline when he saw those, ahem, accessories...

He’s obviously ‘All mouth and trousers’ when faced with experience...which as you know I have in abundance, and Stiffgits which have been mounted in my bedroom ?

Stiffgits and accessories will have unmanned him Pants. You would have better luck with the Admiral when he is free from the charge of 'snowdropping' of course.

Well I hope Thor is ok for his shift in the bar tonight Pants. He’s a quivering wreck at the moment.
By the way I think the Admiral is looking for you. I heard him muttering that he needs some help oiling his barnacles. ?

AGA I think you’ll find the size 24s belong to lemon (mind you she might have just left them behind ?) .
Vlad has been wearing pink lacy knickers ? ......I had a pair of pink lacy knickers...... maybe we have two knicker nickers.

Now gang we need all hands to the pump tomorrow. In keeping with all the local bars we will be showing the last episode of Line of Duty in the Argy on our big screen.

I suggest we run a raffle on who ‘H’ really is. The winner could have a pint of poteen and a dip in the spa with May Hem. What do you think, £50 a guess.?
Personally I think Gnasher has been looking a bit shifty recently but now I’m not sure ?.

Gnasher is H? It wouldn't surprise me what that llama gets up to. Or could it be May Hem? She has her fingers in many pies and other places. Great idea Doodle to have a raffle.

I have given Thor strong poteen and he seems to be recovering. Keeps moaning and mentioning Stiffgits.

Great idea doodle. We could dress up as Line of Duty characters. Shame we’ve lost track of Ryan the boltcutter guy, he would have been an added attraction.
Who will you be?

ixion, I would have thought the joints would have helped to pass the time in the hedge, although the smell may have been a giveaway.

TH absolutely H, I'd rather being glued to the Big Screen than pulling pints tomorrow.
Can we not stop serving for an hour, then do the raffle?
Or let May run the Bar - I don't think she gets the subtle nuances of the plot line, anyway ?

Great idea ixion. Thor isn’t up to much after his exploits with Pants so those two can manage the bar and the rest of us can organise the raffle and watch the show. Have you got any of those .....ciggies left I fancy a quick one? ?

C'mon then doodle.
Take this spare cami camouflage top and we'll grab a quick puff in the privet hedge.

Ooh it’s a bit of a snug fit. Do I have to wear a balaclava too?