Feeling sorry for men

Alegrias1

^....and there seem to be some very bitter women on this thread.^

Care to elaborate?

I’m sure I’d be categorised as bitter. Women who expect better from men usually are.

Or women that won't take their shit.

Flirtation is appropriate
GagaJo How nice of you to say that!.
About 2 years ago I was reported and promptly "deleted" for allegedly flirting.
At the time I was at the tender age of 91 years young and I remember feeling quite pleased that anyone should think I would still be capable of such an "offence"
Sad to say, I must have lost my charisma as it hasn't happened again.

Feeling sorry for men
Perhaps I could be allowed a couple of comments!!
Whilst being initially attracted by the thread title, I feel it should be changed to;
"Feeling sorry for Myself"
Despite careful searching, I didn't find many expressions of sorrow; more like in-fighting!
And I can assure you that there aren't many Men hiding in the Shed, nor even behind it!
Good Health

We are having a discussion Rufus just like on most other threads on GN.

Grammaretto

Well I am sorry AussieNanna if you think this is off topic but for me it is all about accepting that our roles are merging and if we want gender equality we must look at why we need to treat men differently from women. Why do we have separate toilets and segregated schools, all these things which emphasise our differences.
Ofcourse I think MrVampire should have pegged the knickers back on the line. Common sense.

I don't think the personal trainer should have made comments about someones' body shape - if indeed he did. Not because he is a man particularly but because it is rude.

I read and asked about the men's sheds and apparently they are open to women but women don't go.
I would be perfectly happy if men came to our yarn group. The other groups I am in, yoga, gardening, walking, language class, choirs and so on, are open to all and I wouldn't go if they weren't .

yes, I think mens sheds are off topic to the topic of feeling sorry for men because, in OP's eyes, their comments or innocent actions get misinterpreted

Yes, men may be welcome to go to knitting groups and the like (is that what you mean by a yarn group?) but mens sheds were designed because there werent groups and places like that centred around things more older retired men like to do - eg socialise with other men, make woodwork type projects etc and many older retired men were getting socially isolated as a result.

Of course other groups like gardening are open to all and are activities many people of both genders do - but mens sheds still filled a niche for men to join a place that wasnt mainly women.

I dont have any problem with that at all, I think it is a good thing.

It doesnt have any connection to me to suppossedly innocent comments being misinterpreted - which I think is a bit of a 'poor me' thing by some men, rather than something that is really harder for men

there used to be knitting groups for men after the second world war

My sons gf came into our house all flustered and annoyed because a bloke at the petrol station said ‘I hope that sandwich is slimming you wouldn’t want to spoil that lovely figure’ to her when buying a sandwich . And I thought o what a nice compliment! But evidently it wasn’t taken as such ! Shows the difference in the generations! So I did think to myself o lord what can men say these days as OP suggested!

That's a terrible story Soozikinzi. I'd have been furious if that was one of my friends or family. Why?

It's not ok for men to remark on women's bodies if they don't know them. Was she young? Would you like some bloke commenting on your daughter's body, or how much he liked it?

She can eat what she wants. If she wants to eat calorie laden sandwiches from now till Xmas it's none of his business. Such comments can lead to people having issues with how they look and issues such as anorexia.

If he'd said it to me, or someone I know, if have told him what I thought of those comments and maybe reported him. I certainly wouldn't be going back to that business.

I'd not have been happy with that either, Soozikinzi

Very rude.

If you look at the forum index you will see there is a Grandads' shed page.

Yes hideous. Obviously her role in life was to take care of what she ate in order to be attractive to him.

Wow, that was supposed to be a compliment?

Your value as a woman is how you look?

Shaking my head in disbelief

Soozikinzi

My sons gf came into our house all flustered and annoyed because a bloke at the petrol station said ‘I hope that sandwich is slimming you wouldn’t want to spoil that lovely figure’ to her when buying a sandwich . And I thought o what a nice compliment! But evidently it wasn’t taken as such ! Shows the difference in the generations! So I did think to myself o lord what can men say these days as OP suggested!

Oh my gosh. I’d be livid if someone said that to me.

I’d be beyond upset if someone said it to my child!!

I don’t think this is a generational thing. Though I do find more younger women don’t need a man notice them to know their own worth. Good for them and long may it continue.

I would have had to restrain myself from planting the sandwich firmly in his face and I would certainly not have bought it. How dare he!

Lucca

Question, if a male acquaintance says “your hair suits you like that “. Is that ok ?if he says “you’ve lost weight !” Is that ok ?

Why is 'you've lost weight' ok? It is actually super rude. You're either suggesting that someone looks better slimmer or saying how fat you thought they were before.
it could be that someone is losing weight through illness.
I think if people were simply polite and made less judgmental, personal remarks, there would be far less angst about right and wrong. Polite or rude? Personal or private?

It is generational, my mother used to say “ you’ll have a fit when you see......”
She couldn’t understand that it was not acceptable.

It is generational to some extent Sago, but my 86 year old DF would never dream of telling a woman in a shop that the sandwich she was buying would make her fat, or that her figure was lovely.

Its more about boundaries. Or just not thinking those things in the first place.

I have often felt sorry for men. They won’t ask the way if they are looking for somewhere. They have to win the father’s race on their children’s sport day. They wouldn’t dream of asking someone to see them out of a parking tight spot. If they don’t work it is more of a problem than that of women. When doing other jobs around the house they strive to be seen as capable. Whereas I wouldn’t hesitate to be bothered by any of these situations. Yes, it’s hard being a man. As for being seen as a possible perpetrator of horrible crimes against women at every turn so every word and action has to be analysed.

ClareAB

Lucca

Question, if a male acquaintance says “your hair suits you like that “. Is that ok ?if he says “you’ve lost weight !” Is that ok ?

Why is 'you've lost weight' ok? It is actually super rude. You're either suggesting that someone looks better slimmer or saying how fat you thought they were before.
it could be that someone is losing weight through illness.
I think if people were simply polite and made less judgmental, personal remarks, there would be far less angst about right and wrong. Polite or rude? Personal or private?

I was just asking! Personally I think the hair comment is ok but not the weight one. It’s too personal and body related. By commenting on my hair I don’t t see him as belittling my brain or competence and I would equally feel it ok to say to him I like your shirt or similar, or “you’re looking well”.
As I have spent a lot of time outdoors recently I am quite healthy looking and people have commented that I look well. I am happy to hear it, from either men or women.

As for being seen as a possible perpetrator of horrible crimes against women at every turn so every word and action has to be analysed.

Message for men who are confused: Just don't talk to women as though they are dolly birds there for your entertainment. Try to imagine if you were somebody's dad, would you want some unknown man talking to your daughter or behaving like that?

Is it really so hard?

Alegrias

Apparently it is very hard to grasp that concept.

I can’t imagine the ‘sandwich’ comment would have been acceptable even when I was young, which wasn’t yesterday. If a man said that to either of my dds I’d want to bop him!

Soozikinzi

My sons gf came into our house all flustered and annoyed because a bloke at the petrol station said ‘I hope that sandwich is slimming you wouldn’t want to spoil that lovely figure’ to her when buying a sandwich . And I thought o what a nice compliment! But evidently it wasn’t taken as such ! Shows the difference in the generations! So I did think to myself o lord what can men say these days as OP suggested!

I think that comment is totally inappropriate.

am not sure if you are really thinking it was a nice compliment?? Surely not

it isnt a what can men say, poor things, scenario at all - it wouldnt be ok for anyone of any gender to say that

Agree, the sandwich remark would always have been offensively personal, but the personal trainer saying something that suggests that the trainee was reaching the target they wanted to hit. I cannot see the problem.

I have better and more interesting things to do in life than subject every word someone, especially a man, says to me to deep semantic analysis.