Feeling sorry for men

nanasam, the mothers were present, he was in full view. I don't think I'd have worried about it.

Sago, I once had a similar situation with a child about the same age. I called the police. I wasn't taking the child anywhere for the same reason. It was by a pond so I couldn't ignore the unattended child or risk someone wrong finding them. I thought it was a good middle ground that kept everyone protected.

Someone is exposing themselves on the one show???

Personal trainers have guidelines wrt customer boundaries btw.

I think manners are one things, holding the door open for someone if they are right behind you which they shouldn't be atm is one thing, a man you don't know running ahead of you to open the door I would feel is another unless it was my Dad. I wouldn't want my male next door neighbour touching my knickers either fwiw

The worst sexual remarks I've had off men has generally been at work tbh

Alegrias1

Sorry, I'm on a roll...

In what possible world is it acceptable to compliment a child's behaviour in a restaurant when you don't know the family?

Its none of your business, honestly. It must be me.....

Haha, an older woman once complimented my children's behaviour. I was just amused because she should have seen them five minutes before.

VQ
I’m sure that in some ways it’s much better that we respect boundaries, but what a sad world where where nanasams husband is worried enough to change his route, and where you feel unable to step in and comfort a child.
Yes, I agree Sago, there is always someone just longing to take offence at something.

When I took my class on school outings people sometimes commented how well behaved they were and we all liked that. Sometimes when they were being a bit lively or noisy people would grumble at us as well. We were in a public space and thankfully free speech is still permitted.

CafeAuLait

Polarbear2

Really??? Wow. That’s very sad when you can’t compliment someone. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable at all! Am astonished.

I don't see it as a compliment. If you want to complement me, compliment me on something I have done well, a good personal quality or clever thinking. Don't compliment me about my body or physical appearance. It's not that important and I don't like to be measured that way.

Well I do......I have always enjoyed compliments from men and women. I enjoy compliments on how I look and how well I’ve done something. Yes I know I’m a bit strange! .

What a very sad world we live in where there are women who take offence where non was meant. There are women who actually look for offence for whatever reason and I feel very sorry for the nice men who think they are just being kind. We all know that most women like a compliment, don’t we?.

vampirequeen

But surely it's a compliment. If someone looses weight it's obvious they've been working at it and to comment on it simply suggests that you've noticed and are acknowledging their hard work. It's very hard not to see someone without seeing that they have a body

it might be an illness or stress...to me there is also an implication that they though I was fat before if its a compliment to say I am less fat!

Totally agree, vampire queen with your original post and 11.04 post, and sago post, last week there was a woman in front of me in queue at supermarket I told her she looks really lovely in her outfit, she actually said Thankyou so much you have made my day! I was feeling down this morning, as nothing fits I’ve put on so much weight in the lockdown, I had just bought it, oh I’m going to walk round now with a big smile on my face, I always give compliments, to whoever, I’ve had things said to me by men never in a Leary way, I would compliment whoever, the worlds gone mad!

Alegrias1 we usually see fairly eye to eye but not on this !!
I think saying to someone in a restaurant that their child is well behaved or whatever is just nice “social interaction”.
I saw a young woman on the bus once with three young children one of who clearly had issues of some kind and was quite noisy. She dealt with it so well. When I got off I said to her “you’re doing a great job”. She said thank you.

I think saying to someone that you love their hat or something is also nice human interaction.

This is a bit off topic though sorry.

Nightsky, not strange, just different strokes for different folks. I know people who put a lot of effort into their appearance and thought into their clothing. It can be quite artistic. I will compliment someone's clothing if they are a friend - but I'm complimenting their taste.

I'm not one of those people who puts much value in how I look so it falls on neutral ground.

With all the different opinions here, how could a man ever get it right all the time.

Friendly disagreement is good Lucca .

Why should the lady on the bus care what you think of her parenting skills? Why did you think she would like to hear what you think of her?

Obviously she did. Or maybe she went home to her partner and told them that a woman commented on her parenting skills on the bus, what a cheek. Yep, must be me....

simtib

With all the different opinions here, how could a man ever get it right all the time.

Knowing your audience? Maybe if it's an audience you don't know, don't make personal comments?

Alegrias1

Friendly disagreement is good Lucca .

Why should the lady on the bus care what you think of her parenting skills? Why did you think she would like to hear what you think of her?

Obviously she did. Or maybe she went home to her partner and told them that a woman commented on her parenting skills on the bus, what a cheek. Yep, must be me....

Because being nice makes the world go round ?
If she didn’t like it fair enough but I’ve never come across anyone who has not reacted with pleasure at being complimented.

If she went home and said a daft old bat said this or that, doesn’t bother me !

I was in a garden centre when there was a brief break in lock down . A young man shopping as I was looked at me and said what a nicely presented lady! I was on cloud nine and don't deny it. I am a nanny going white aging and I am sixty four who doesn't like a compliment!
A young woman standing behind me said you look so pretty in that dress. I was just standing by the car waiting for DH to put a trolley back. I thought it was a lovely compliment.
I have complimented people it's my nature I don't see any harm in it.
I don't suffer fools people who know me are aware of this and wouldn't try it on. It's wrong to tar everyone with the same brush. I think women can be just as vulgar as men. In my working life I have certainly come across sex pests both in skirts and trousers.

“Treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are.” Roy T Bennett

simtib

With all the different opinions here, how could a man ever get it right all the time.

He’s not going to is he..... It’s like walking a tightrope, he needs to be very careful every time he opens his mouth to a work colleague just in case she’s having an off day.

CafeAL. I put effort into it as I do everything else. I always like to look smart/tidy even around the house. I have never understood women who can’t be bothered to make the effort, some of them think they have to go around with that scrubbed look. It’s not who I am and I do it for me and no one else.

I believe in using good face products and that doesn’t mean loads of makeup, and always having a good hair cut which reminds me I must phone for an appointment.

Women have had to watch what they say, how they say it, what they wear, how they behave for as long as I can remember, probably since before my great gran was born. I don't even look at whoever I hand an open door to behind me. I'd only hold the door open for someone else to go first if we both go for the door at the same time.
My dad would always walk on the outside of me, I do the same with DGD. It's a protective thing.

I really don’t, genuinely don’t, understand how a compliment can be in any way offensive.
If someone commented on how well behaved my grandchildren were (not very likely to be honest) I’d be really pleased.
If someone admired my coat, I’d be pleased.
The people who compliment you are nice people, trying to do a nice thing.

CafeAL. I put effort into it as I do everything else. I always like to look smart/tidy even around the house. I have never understood women who can’t be bothered to make the effort, some of them think they have to go around with that scrubbed look. It’s not who I am and I do it for me and no one else.

Whatever makes you happy is good for you.

I have very nice work clothes (at one point I was a bit of a legend for one aspect of them), and I dress tidy casual for the most part.

Alegrias1

Sorry, I'm on a roll...

In what possible world is it acceptable to compliment a child's behaviour in a restaurant when you don't know the family?

Its none of your business, honestly. It must be me.....

Whoops it must be part of my weirdness again. I've done it too and I quite like it when people comment on how well mannered my stepson (13) is. He likes it too. I wouldn't comment on poor behaviour but I don't mind giving a compliment where it's due.

Alegrias1

Friendly disagreement is good Lucca .

Why should the lady on the bus care what you think of her parenting skills? Why did you think she would like to hear what you think of her?

Obviously she did. Or maybe she went home to her partner and told them that a woman commented on her parenting skills on the bus, what a cheek. Yep, must be me....

Someone actually did compliment me on a bus once assuming my nephew was my son. He is neurodivergent and was having a tough time that day, so he was quite noisy. I did some distracting and he eventually calmed down. There were a few people on the bus tutting and making comments huffing and puffing, which made me angry and anxious, but obviously DN and his issue came first. The lady that complimented me said as she got off the bus “you’re doing great, don’t pay them any mind - you’re obviously a great wee mum and what a smashing boy you’ve got.”

The sense of community and taking a minute to say a kind word did help me in that particular situation, so sometimes I think it can be a sort of solidarity or support? I must admit to having a wee lump in my throat afterwards.

What a kind lady Lolo81 support from an unexpected source. A kind word or action often makes a big difference to our day.

I agree Sodapop, kind words cost nothing, but they can make a big difference to your day.