Reasonable Behaviour from GC

I would say relax.
My DGC are much better behaved here but I've seen tantrums and naughtiness in their own homes.
But, do you know, even I'm better behaved at other people's houses and I'm 54. If I want to have a strop in my own home, I'll bloody well have one!
And so should my DGC!! Safe to do so, you see.

If this is too big a problem for you to cope with OP, the answer is simple: only see your GC in your own home, not theirs. That way their behaviour won't cause you any worries or their parents to wonder if you're judging them.

I have three under six. They are always well behaved when out or visiting. But they are small, and they get tired and emotional sometimes. If they are going to be tired and emotional anywhere, I want it to be at home. Home is a safe place to be upset or talk out your frustrations and worries.

Small children push those boundaries with parents because parents are their safe people to share difficult feelings with. If your grandchildren never put a foot wrong in their own house with their own mum, that would be something to worry about.

Small children are not capable of being “good all the time yet” - to be fair, are any of us?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dearknees1

Their parents must be doing something right if they know how to behave away from home. That's what's always seems most important to me. Home is where I would expect children to be challenging. Our son was often described by others as well behaved and well mannered. We sometimes wondered who they were talking about!

Dearknees when I was told how polite and well-behaved my DC were when visiting other friends' houses I was pleased and surprised.

Far better that than a couple of children I knew who were, apparently, perfectly behaved, according to their parents, compared to other people's children but who broke toys, hit others and swore in other people's houses.

ps they did seem to grow up OK and one is a father now, I hope he's getting his comeuppance.

It can be difficult to watch but in their home it is up to the parents. If this is too stressful then don't go. I do think not saying hello etc is rude , just bad manners, but it is up to the parents to address that as they see fit

In your house, in your care ..great, it seems to work for you and them!

Overall "reasonable behaviour" is a subjective concept, one person's "reasonable" is another person's "off the wall"!!

I had to read the post twice to make sure that I had read it properly
So you are asking if children should behave when in their own home when you visit???? Its THEIR home and as such they can do what they want and its their parents who control their behaviour.
I cant believe you asked the question

Shazmo24

I had to read the post twice to make sure that I had read it properly
So you are asking if children should behave when in their own home when you visit???? Its THEIR home and as such they can do what they want and its their parents who control their behaviour.
I cant believe you asked the question

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the OP being concerned. She hasn’t ploughed in and interfered. She’s come on here first. I would worry if I thought my children were struggling with their children. It’s only natural.

Thanks for all the constructive and balanced opinions. I shall take on board and digest accordingly. Shame about the negatives ones though. I was only asking some advice/opinions. Some people just know when to kick hard.

I'm afraid my GCs are much better behaved when I 'm not around. It's generally known that granny leads them into mischief and misbehaviour. Otherwise known as fun!!!
I'm actually impressed by my DS's standard of discipline. Can't think where he learned it.

What annoys me is that one D-i-l lets her 2 kids do as the please when we spend time at my daughter's house and is never aware of what her kids are doing. Recently, one gs ran through my daughter's carpeted lounge with muddy boots! However, in d-i-l's house, the rules are military controlled rigid! Her 2 kids are not allowed to eat as they please at home, yet in other's houses they will gorge nibbles like no one else, then not eat their dinner.

Berylsgranny

Thanks for all the constructive and balanced opinions. I shall take on board and digest accordingly. Shame about the negatives ones though. I was only asking some advice/opinions. Some people just know when to kick hard.

I think small children can get absorbed in what they're doing or watching to the exclusion of other things or people.

You could wait until they've finished, then give them a big hug (if allowed) and chat to them about what they've just been watching or doing.

Two of my Gd’s used to be so naughty when we visited them. Fine at our house.
We used to stay just for an hour and then say ‘we’ll be off now’.
It wasn’t pleasant and it caused upset and embarrassment to the parents., so we didn’t prolong the agony.

They are now 12 and 14 and lovely, intelligent and chatty. Happy to be with us (for a while) and then leave us alone to chat to mum and dad.

I recognize this, our grandchildren are perfectly well behaved when they are in our care . In their own home it is a bit different! I think my daughter warns them that they must behave well at Grandma's house.
When they are in their own home they are on their own territory and feel free to push the boundaries! If grandchildren know how to behave outside their home ie visiting relatives, in nursery or school or out shopping then that is what matters. My daughter does pull them into line eventually!!!

It’s never really good to be around children when they are misbehaving however kids will be kids. It is their house and if they are allowed more freedom in the house then I really don’t think there’s anything you can do about it except green and bear it. If it’s becoming too much perhaps have the children round at yours more often as you said they are better behaved there.

Well if they behave well at your house they know how to behave and are well socialised. I wouldn’t give a hoot how they behave in their own home, that is the parents’ remit. No issue at all. I’ll be willing to bet they are well behaved when they go to school, too. They just feel relaxed and let their hair down at home,as they should.

My GC play with toys then have to put them away before they get the next thing to play with in their house. I think it's a good idea it teaches them to tidy up. When they come to ours they have two boxes of toys books crayons etc to play with. They get everything out to play with but do tidy up all the toys before they go home. They are little all under five and I think a credit to their parents.

Seriously it is normal for their ages!

Berylsgranny I’d take it as a compliment to both your own and your daughter’s/SiL’s parenting that they are well behaved when visiting. They are still very young and yet they already understand that they should behave in a certain way out of their own home. I was always delighted to hear from other parents what a delight my children were- polite, tidy etc. Not always so at home, but I valued that the lessons we had tried to teach them were evident whenever it mattered. Please don’t see the tv as competition!

Given that they have been in lockdown, on and off, for well over a year, it’s good for them to have a safe space to let off steam.

What would you like the children to do when you visit?

Stop what they are doing, perhaps, and give you their undivided attention? Hard to achieve at the ages that they are.

Sit perfectly still and gaze adoringly at you? Well, that’s never going to work!

Sit quietly in a chair and stay like that for the whole of your visit? That’s not going to happen either.

This seems to be a case of expectations vs reality.

The hiding behind the curtain thing is probably because they are excited to see you. They are young. They are children. They’re going to be like this in their own home.

As my DM used to say - it’ll all end in tears.

Yes, your house, your rules. They need to be respectful in your home.