Doula

I know someone who works as a doula. She offers much more than most partners or mothers are able to offer. She is up to date with the latest information on childbirth, how the local maternity units operates. She uses her skills in helping the mother through pregnancy and Labour, acting as an advocate, if required. She prepares the woman/couple for life as new parents and what to expect.

She is skilled in breastfeeding support but also will help with artificial feeding, if that’s what is preferred. She ‘mothers the mother’, supporting her so she can concentrate on the baby. She can do all of this without being emotionally involved, which is very difficult for partners and parents to do.

doula.org.uk/

My neighbour had a Doula for the birth of both of her children. She kept the Doula on for the six weeks following the births. This was about six years ago.

Dalfie5577

My newly pregnant step daughter has announced she is hiring a doula for the birth and for a few sessions after. The only time I heard of such a thing was when Meghan Markle apparently hired one. Does anyone on here know anyone who has had experience of one? My first reaction was to feel sorry for her mum and her partner for obviously not being considered sufficient support. What are your thoughts? I would love to know more to improve my understanding!

So your first thoughts are judging of the pregnant Mum and focussed on other people?

I’d never heard of this. I have to say, I wouldn’t have wanted that at all. I’ll have to ask my kids, but they’ve never mentioned them. It may be because I was a nurse, and have had four children, they just come to me with questions/ problems etc.
Each to their own though. If it works for some....why not?

DiscoDancer1975

I’d never heard of this. I have to say, I wouldn’t have wanted that at all. I’ll have to ask my kids, but they’ve never mentioned them. It may be because I was a nurse, and have had four children, they just come to me with questions/ problems etc.
Each to their own though. If it works for some....why not?

doulas have been around for years... there have been accredited doulas in the UK since 2001 and the concept of the modern doula dates from the 70's The NCT has got a doula network.

My DiL had a Doula for her 2nd baby, partly because the first experience was so awful.
The Doula was a trained midwife with her own children. DS was there too but does have a tendency to be worried and alarmist and I can quite understand that they would appreciate a calm and reassuring presence. who helped with housework as well
I had a home help when my 3rd baby was born at home. She wasn't nearly as useful as this doula person sounds!

Doulas can be wonderful. They are also used in end of life care. My friend had one and she was an absolute godsend when my friends husband was dying.

Thank you everyone for your informative posts. It is interesting and helpful to hear people's opinions who have had experience of them.

I ad certainly ever heard of them until it was brought up on GN a while ago
I guess doulas are only for the well off I certainly couldn’t have afforded to hire anyone when I was pregnant I made do with the health visitor
Not something I would have wanted anyway I guess I d rather just get on with things myself

My dil had arranged to have a doula (three years ago), but plans had to be changed when it became clear a few weeks before the birth that a caesarean was on the cards.

It was new to me then, and although I couldn't really see the point, it was nothing to do with me so I kept my thoughts to myself, even though I could tell that my son was not really in favour.
The birth is one part of parenthood where I think that the mother-to-be's wishes out-weigh those of anyone else, even the father, as long as those wishes are not putting the baby in any danger.

BlueBelle

I ad certainly ever heard of them until it was brought up on GN a while ago
I guess doulas are only for the well off I certainly couldn’t have afforded to hire anyone when I was pregnant I made do with the health visitor
Not something I would have wanted anyway I guess I d rather just get on with things myself

There are funds available for the less well off to access a doula
doula.org.uk/doula-access-fund/

"My first reaction was to feel sorry for her mum and her partner for obviously not being considered sufficient support"

Doulas are professionally trained to support the mother in ways no others can

Not every partner or parent is helpful during labour. Not everyone is comfortable witnessing a birth.

A doula is a professional labour and birthing coach whose sole responsibility is to assist the mother. If that's helpful to the mother I am all for it.

My DIL had a doula for her first child but not for the second. That was in LA. Apparently it was fashionable at the time.
The Labour room was fortunately a large suite (Cedars Sinai darling - beautiful orchids ?) as there was the doula, the doctor, a nurse, my son and me. I left before the actual birth so I don’t know how much help she was then but the main benefit for the mother was that she felt more confident and the doula did most of the communicating with the medical staff.

If you aren't going to have an independent midwife I think a doula is a great idea.

Who wouldn't want someone to negotiate the system on their behalf (someone who knows what they really, really want)? Someone who understands risks and can help the mum be confident in her choices.

I wish my daughters and Daughter in law had had doulas - well at least the ones who had NHS midwives.
Nothing against NHS midwives but they are stretched beyond any reasonable point.

My DIL engaged the services of a doula at her second birth 19 months ago. She had heard about this lady from a friend who had been happy with the service she provided.
I think she did a home visit with my DIL before the birth to make a plan of what she was required to do.
Subsequently she met our DIL and DS at the hospital when birth was imminent. She stayed until the birth was over and made one further home visit a few days later. I think the package is tailored according to individual needs and of course the cost depends on the number of sessions involved.
I think the reason mothers use Doulas these days is that the midwifery services are so stretched that a mother can be left without professional assistance for some time and it can be very stressful for the birthing partner ie husband or mother.
It seems like more will be used in the future as the demands on NHS midwives increase.

My DD had one for her births. Unfortunately it was someone who I did not particularly like! But I bit the bullet and supported her choice and all went well.

Of course I would have loved to be there, but I respected her wishes, and was glad that she did it in a way that helped her to get through. My feelings were not what mattered. I knew she loved me and that there was no hint of rejection in this.

All went well - well not quite as well as we might all have hoped - that is childbirth for you!

I think Doulas can bring a lot of support, knowledge and reassurance to the whole family. So if a Mum to be or a family facing end of life care find a Doula they connect with it can be a very good thing.

When DD had DGS in NZ I went of 3 months to help out.

She had 2 lovely midwives, her main midwife was that areas senior training midwife, after DGD was born she asked if I'd like to train as a Doula.

I had to ask what one was :-) I would have loved that but as I left NZ when DGD was 6 weeks old so it was never going to happen :-(

Wish them well and enjoy.

An important point: a doula does not replace a midwife. The roles are different, though there is some overlap.

A midwife is primarily responsible for medical assessment and interventions - checking the mother's vital signs and the baby's heart rate, ensuring the mother is properly hydrated, assessing the progress of labour, etc. For a mother who does not have a support person with her, or who requires additional help, a midwife may also provide labour support and coaching.

A doula's role is solely to provide support to the mother. Doulas aren't qualified as medical providers, so they don't offer medical care.

I now wish DD had had a doula because her first birthing experience was beyond awful and this was just 6 years ago in a famous NHS teaching hospital in Scotland.

agnurse - I think midwives these days have almost no time for the genuine support and coaching which used to be something that drew so many into the role, unfortunately.

This is why I said I would have liked the women in my family to have had a doula if they didn’t have an independent midwife. Independent midwives simply have more time than NHS counterparts and we all know how precious time is.

I worked as a ward clerk on a busy maternity unit before retirement and during those years, doulas were becoming increasingly popular with new Mums. When this trend began, some midwives were scathing about having a doula in the delivery room. They felt that they would be undermined. However, it didn't turn out like that. Doulas are not qualified midwives although there are now some who have left midwifery to work as a doula, so have a midwife skills base. The doula offered that precious commodity, time. Today's midwife is run ragged. They often work on shifts which are short staffed so it is not unusual for a midwife to be looking after 3 labouring Mums, all at different stages. They may have a lady looking as if a section is imminent, a distressed lady about to deliver a miscarried or stillborn child and another wanting the pool filled for a water birth. That midwife has to go between these 3 situations and do her best for them all. They often work 12 hours shifts with no time to sit or eat. Doulas, therefore, can be with their lady from start to finish and give her their complete attention. As post delivery stays are reduced, many Mums go home not feeling confident with breast feeding and bathing etc. Doula's can give some much needed support for those Mums. There is room for both midwives and doula's in today's NHS.

I agree Sarnia midwives are very overstretched. Doulas sound like they could be a great addition to the team. A shame the service is too expensive for a lot of mothers.

I had me second child in Basingstoke in 1973. My NHS midwife did all these things without a doctor in sight. My midwife was always available both before and after the birth. I had a maternity home birth and she took me there and back on the same day. It was a great service and I wish midwives were far more available to the general public rather than the reliance on hospital based births.

Still, each to their own