left out of mothers will

Yes, a kick in the teeth. Did you at any point offer help and assistance to either your mum and dad as your sisters have? What does your younger sister think? There's nothing you can do. I understand how bitter you must be feeling. I hope that you can find some solution.

It's rough to be treated that way, for sure. I don't know what you can do about it other than accept it's your mother's decision. I might also expect younger sister to be the one to foot the bill for any care. Not for nasty reasons but just because she will make it up when she inherits everything and you need to make sure you have retirement funds.

Did you offer to care for your mother too?

I'm in a very similar position. I'm so sorry it can become all consuming cant it?
When my father was dying he apologised for making a will that left his share of the estate to mum (which is normal), which I didn't understand at the time.
My mothers love and her and Dads estate goes to the favourite offspring.
Nothing can be done. People have the right to choose who the leave their possessions to.
Sorry I have no helpful answers.
I will be reading incase someone else does.

I totally understand how you feel sunnybean as my mum did the same thing and left everything (although very little) to my brother.

It was a shock and even though it came as no surprise, like you are feeling now, I was hurt. My mum died last year and my brother had already estranged me to the point that he didn't tell me she'd been taken into hospital, and got one of our cousins to 'phone me to tell me that she'd died.

I was told that there was no money to pay for her funeral and that unless we were prepared to foot the bill, he'd go to social services for funding.

We took it on and that is something I will always be thankful for. He didn't attend and it gave me the opportunity to say my final 'goodbye' the way I wanted and how I believe my mum would have wanted too.

I know that there were a few personal items that were still left to me, but as I already had her engagement and eternity rings bought by my father, I decided that those are enough and have never contacted my brother about any thing else.

It will take time for you to fully digest this and you may find, as I did, that finding out before your mum dies is preferable to finding out when she does, and you are trying to come to terms with her loss.

Please feel free to private message me about this any time if you need to talk more privately.

A difficult situation to be in sunnybean so much falling out within your family.
As Namsnanny said your mother is entitled to will her estate in any way she wants. Of course that doesn't stop it being hurtful, I'm sorry you and your family cannot support each other.

My husband and I both had this. We were both estranged from our families for the last 20 years. This meant we had nothing to do with them as they aged. Actually, while our dads were alive, we saw them periodically. When they died, and left the mums, the sources of the problems, we opted out. I’ve had absolutely nothing.
However, the lack of inheritance paled into insignificance, and was well worth it to us. We didn’t have any part in their lives. The money went to siblings who put up with them. We thought that fair enough.
Maybe you need to think along these lines.

Before my dad died he asked me who he should leave his savings etc to.
I suggested he leaves everything to my brother as he gave up his flat and moved in with dad to a, keep him company and b,
to take care of him.
Dad had cancer.
Dad did just that ,but my other brother and two sisters were fuming.
I still think i gave dad the right advice and he must have agreed or he would`nt have done it.
There is so much more i could add,but it`s a small world.

I have six surviving siblings. When our mother dies we fully expect, and hope, that our mother will have made a will leaving her estate (such as it is) to our youngest brother who gave up his job to move in with her and has been her career for about four years now. If she has not (she hates to talk about death) then I shall certainly pass over my portion to him and I am certain my sisters would do the same.

I have every sympathy for people who have reason to feel they have been cheated, especially through connivance etc., but I strongly believe that inheritance should never be an expectation for an adult child. If there is no expectation then there can be no anguish or disappointment.

There are three points here I think. (1) the inheritance is not just from your Mother, presumably at least some of it was jointly owned by your later Father and then your Mother inherited it, whether this helps or not I don't know, but I always think it unfair that the surviving parent has the say on all of it. My parents' wills both had each other to inherit and then pass on, as mutually agreed to children and grandchildren. (2) Your younger sister may be getting a bad deal here, if your Mother is as manipulative and divisive as she sounds, then she will dangle this inheritance in front of your youngest sister and probably make her life a misery, she may pay a very high price. (3) if there is any suggestion that your youngest sister is manipulating decisions regarding inheritance, is an executor and sole beneficiary, there could be a court case, if you feel you have the energy.

What a terrible situation .

It’s so very tough when your parents were not the parents that you wanted and needed them to be. It’s normal to grieve for the loving and nurturing relationship with your mother that you missed out on.

I think it’s good that you know about the will now though rather than it coming as a shock after your mother’s death.

Your brother sounds just like mine,a true gent grannyactivist.

Revolucion

It’s so very tough when your parents were not the parents that you wanted and needed them to be. It’s normal to grieve for the loving and nurturing relationship with your mother that you missed out on.

I think it’s good that you know about the will now though rather than it coming as a shock after your mother’s death.

Good post Revolucion

If the caring sister gets the money that is reasonable, it may be that some care has to be paid for or maybe extended care home fees. In that case even a “vast amount” gets depleted quickly, there are many disfunctional families you are not alone.
Quite often its the caring relative that gets disinherited by a spiteful parent

you move on for your own mental health. Yes I experienced similar. You have to put it down and walk away. Its hard but you can do it.

After my FIL died I had to deal with all his papers and found that he was in the middle of changing his will so no money went to us - at the suggestion of his daughter, who wanted it all to go to the grandchildren. She thought we would not need it as we were rich......I wish!

I would not have minded if she had consulted us - we would have agreed. But for her to do this behind our backs felt underhand.

Wills can be divisive things.

My sister got everything, she was very conniving, I walked away, I feel no bitterness, as I do not want it to sour my life.

If the situation between you and the younger sister improves there’s nothing you can do. I’m really sorry

However, if you get on really friendly terms with her before your mother dies, you can agree to change the terms of the will. All would have to sign a Deed of Variation.

We did this a few years ago.

Some errors. Sorry.

If the situation between you and your younger sister doesn’t improve there’s nothing you can do. I’m really sorry

I understand how you feel Sunnybean60
My husbands father left him very little his sister is the sole executor so he was not entitled to see the will. She is also the main beneficiary.
We are in Scotland and here you cannot completely disinherited your children from your will. They are entitled to a percentage of the moveable assets. ie money cars etc.
My husband saw his father every day. And it hurts him so much that his father changed his will to do this. Completely unbeknown to him. His sister took him to the lawyer.
It’s not the money it’s the principle. This has ended any relationship he every had with his sister. Which to be honest is not bad thing but oh my how it hurts.

G1asgowgal, I know that Scottish Law is different in some aspects so this might not apply. However, when I was sole executor of a will I had to offer every beneficiary the opportunity to see the will. Unless the law is different, that would mean that your husband, even as a minor beneficiary, can see the will.

Mr. S.'s mum died last week, his sister is the sole executor but as he's one of the benefactors, a copy of the will was sent to him by the appointed solicitor.

Thank you so much everybody that answered in my hour of need. I have read every reply and they have really helped. My husbands job moved us to another part of the country where we raised our family and are still helping with childcare so my help to my parents was far more minimal. It would be more the times of real need rather than everyday. I think I could of accepted a lesser amount of inheritance with this in mind but its the unfairness of it all that one out of three sisters in effect will be left half a million pounds while the other two get a couple of hundred ponds and a handbag of no value (I sure the intention what so that we cannot make a claim). The result has been the family is left fractured with the upset of it all. BUT, the reason I wrote was how can I learn accept and move on as it was spoiling every day. Maybe the answer is time and appreciating what I have already good health and my own kids and I are close, Thank you again as writing it down and reading replies has helped.

My much older brother was always a cause of problems for my parents. Often he would disappear, sometimes for years at the time, usually soon after he had borrowed money from them. My Mother, just before she died, actually asked my Dad to try to keep some sort of relationship with their son. And, my Dad really did try.
For a couple of months after Mums death, he and my brother were often together. Then came the inevitable request, My brother needed some money to set up his latest harebrain idea. Dad was a retired working man, never owned any property - but he and Mum had been careful and had a small amount of savings. Against his own better judgement, he made a 'loan', and within a couple of days my brother did one of his disappearing acts.
It was eleven years before he re-appeared that time, and during those years my Dad died and his will left everything to me. Now this was not a lot (as I said, no property), but a few thousand pounds..
When my brother re-appeared sometime later - I never ever mentioned this money or will. He only re-appeared as his latest partner had recently died and he was lonely.
Just writing this as there are two sides to these stories about just one sibling being left things by parents.

I don't know which is worse, dying and leaving a Will or dying Intestate. Both can be battlefields at such a sad time. So sad